The Brunch…

I need to redirect my chi, cleanse my karma or maybe I need to forgive somebody because I must not be living right. Today I went to brunch with a married man. A tall, handsome, clean-cut, educated, have my ish together, but joined in marriage to somebody man. After learning this vital piece of information I wondered did I miss something? Maybe my wires got crossed, but I now my circuitry and everything is working properly. Did I push up on him? I will flirt which includes smiling or making eye contact and holding it for more than three seconds, but from my recollection I didn’t even notice him. He was trying to holler, right? I think as a single woman I know when someone is hollering.


I was standing in line at Doc Greens in the way of people who knew what they wanted. After two weeks of no greens, I needed vegetables, but I was overwhelmed by all the possibilities. I allowed several patrons to pass me as I tried to figure out what I was going to order. I finally decided on some type of veggie, mushroom wrap. When I got to the register my meal had been paid for. I looked up and saw the smiling culprit holding my food. I thanked him, took the bag and proceeded to the condiment island. This is where the story should have ended, but he wanted to holler.


He came over introduced himself and we engaged in unnecessary small talk. See I had on sweats and flip flops, so I wasn’t really trying to get hollered at. Despite my desire to remain incognito I was Miss Chatty. The fact that he was cute as a button, sort of like an over grown boy, helped as well. He asked for my information. I declined and instead asked for his card. He said he didn’t have one so I ended up giving him my number. I am certain that he had a card, but I played along with his little game. He called shortly after I left the parking lot. Turns out we had a lot more to talk about.


Conversation flowed very easily, so it was no surprise when he asked me to dinner. I suggested we have brunch since breakfast is my favorite meal. At brunch, we settled into a traditional round of Prince or Michael Jackson, religious or atheist, democrat or republican, east coast or west coast, summer or winter, paper or plastic. We ended up talking about our families, and this round of questioning led to do you have kids and the all important what’s your marital status. When he said no kids I thought YESSSSSS! I was not prepared for the next answer. He responded that he had been married once. I asked, “How long have you been divorced?”

He responded, “I’m not divorced, I’m still married.”

I looked at him. Then I looked around the restaurant. I then said, “Are you separated?”

“Nope, I’m married.”

I whispered back “You are married?!?” He whispered back “Yes!”


My jaw dropped and nothing came out, but there were so many things running through my mind all at once, but I couldn’t find the appropriate response. What is the proper reaction or response to why yes I am married? I was also trying to figure out if I had missed something. There was no ring on his finger, I was sure that he picked ME up at Doc Greens, and after all of the prior conversations and texts I didn’t remember anything that indicated he was taken and he was definitely fresh and flirty. I was immediately uncomfortable, pissed, irritated and nervous. I was scared his wife might pop out of the bushes. I shared this fear with him and he replied “Oh she’s in LA.” Whew I was relieved, but then I was like WTH!


Of course I chose to dig deeper and ask questions instead of throwing my lemonade on him and storming out. I really think that kind of stuff only happens on tv. He explained that he never intended for things to get as far as brunch. Originally he just planned to pay for my meal and wasn’t trying to get my number. My response to that was “Well why did you ask for it?” He said I seemed nice and it was real easy talking to me. He only planned to talk to me on the phone ever so often. My response to that was“You realize you called me like three minutes after I gave you my number?” He replied “I wanted to talk to you. Didn’t you think we had a good conversation?” I ignored this and explained that he should have revealed that he was married somewhere between can I get your number and let’s go out to eat. He didn’t agree, he felt it never came up in conversation. Plus he added this was new territory for him and this was the first time he had gone out with another woman. He finished his statement with “You should be flattered, I never do this.” I wanted to tap him real good in the jaw as he sat across from me all smug, but seemingly sincere.


I told him that I was in no way flattered by his attention because he wasn’t available. His attention did the exact opposite it made me feel uncomfortable. We also talked about whether he was happy. My advice for any person in a relationship, if you aren’t happy leave, but if you are happy stay true and faithful. He wasn’t unhappy, so in my mind he was just greedy and selfish. I know that I shouldn’t have sat and talked to him after he told me he was married. I just wanted to understand the mindset, but none of what we discussed helped me understand. Plus I was further irritated when he mentioned that he thought we could be friends. What was strange is that nothing about him seemed slimy, trifling or fraudulent. But the devil never comes in a hideous disguise, he is always pleasing to the ears and easy on the eyes. Since I don’t want to go to hell, I told him we couldn’t be friends.

I could have had a V8….

I used extremely poor judgment yesterday. I went out with someone who puzzles me to no end. I like them, but I believe there is a some type of disconnect on my part in expressing my desire to devour this man. I am completely convinced that he doesn’t like me. This can’t be confirmed because he calls and texts, so I think that maybe he just wants amusement. However, who reads a book if they don’t like the main character or plays a game if they dislike the rules, just pick something else. I would rather someone just let me know instead of humoring me because it causes confusion. I recently decided to back off, left him alone, at first I thought I won’t even respnd if he calls, emails or texts. So I wasn’t totally surprised when he called, cause all men will call, but I was surprised with my response of unabashed excitement. Although now the question is did my little silent hibernation elicit a response? I was happy when he suggested that we get together, and he invited me to a poetry reading. Cool something different, but yet familiar. I went through my love jones phase back in college. During that time it was unacceptable not try and get in touch with one’s inner poet. Everyone is not a poet, but you couldn’t tell by our regular attendance at poetry readings. Plus I thought it would be fun since I hadn’t been to a poetry reading in ages.

I didn’t know what to wear. I know that looking earthy doesn’t work for me, so I just decide to wear jeans and a shirt. I went through three jeans and shirt outfits. One was too prissy for a poetry reading, the other too militant for me and the last one was just plain ugly. I ended up going with something that reminded me of what a j.crew cowgirl might look like. I put makeup on and then took it off. I thought anything more than mascara and gloss would be too much for a poetry reading. Natural beauty is more accepted on the pseudo-underground scene. Anyway what was all this concern especially for someone who I had decided wasn’t interested? All I knew was that I was excited and I felt like I was preparing for my close up literally and figuratively.

He picked me up and I am certain that he saw the glee and joy in my eyes, but I tried to remain calm and cool. While writing this I just realized that maybe my eagerness to see and please was written across my forehead and that IS the problem. When we arrived I discovered that he reserved a table on Friday, but considering we didn’t make plans until Saturday I realized damn I’m just the insert girl here date. I didn’t care, I’m was just happy to be out with him. We sat down for a night of spoken word. At these types of events there are two types of poets: activist or lovers. Some day I want to go to a poetry reading and hear someone recite a poem about something simple liking eating their favorite food or their favorite toy as a child. I’m sure someone could come up with something tight about a nintendo. Of course there were several poems about just plain raunch and then there were the nice clean love poems. However, there was one in particular that fell in the middle that involved a guitar and it just hit the spot. And maybe it doesn’t take much these days because it’s been a while, actually let me be honest a loooooong time. Watching old people hold hands might excite me at this point. Also the fact that every so often he gave my thigh a nice, firm squeeze wasn’t helping. I realized dang I was getting excited. I tried to think thoughts about the laundry at my house, the magazines I needed to look through, the fact it’s Sunday and I had to return to work the next day. To my disappointment, none of this worked and then I started thinking this was done intentionally. Well if it was it worked because on the ride home I kept thinking about all kinds of delectable naughtiness. It required all my will power to keep from asking him what was his favorite position and could we pull over to try it.


So when we arrived at my house, my mind was racing. What do I say? Do I invite him up? This is the last stop on the line and I have to get off. While all these thoughts were racing through my mind, he just pulled in front of my elevator. He didn’t park, Dang! We got out of the car, he gave me a hug and a kiss on my CHEEK and merrily sent me on my way. He practically hopped and skipped back to his car. In the elevator, on the way to my home, I realized this had to be how guys felt at the end of an evening when the girl gives them a kiss on the cheek…goes into her house and locks the door behind her. The joke was totally on me! I had smooth, freshly shaven legs, no man and I was hot as h#ll. It really serves me right, since I should have left him alone. I should have never gone out with him in the first place. He isn’t interested.