He texted me…

Okay so I was all hyperventilating and disturbed about Mr. Mean not calling me because I felt he was being all unfair again, but this time by not calling me. Even if it was rightfully so after I rejected him twice. All that didn’t matter. I had an all out stank mood and had convinced myself that somebody else had my number.

Oh but wait, I had all but given up on him ever calling me and then he texts me Thursday. Booooooooooo! On him for texting, but at least he reached out. Ah the relief it provided.

His Text

Hi Ursala, This is L______ from church. Your mama gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. How are you? 

Hmmm so I’ve been trying to determine what I should say or if I should say anything at all. Technically I just wanted him to still desire me and him reaching out (even if it wasn’t an actual phone call) lifted my spirits and I no longer feel rejected. However, since I was all out of sorts I feel like I should respond.

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No chaser…

I’ve have recently started to think that maybe I am truly the problem in my pursuit to have a male companion. If I am the common variable in all the equations, then just maybe U=Ursala is what’s messing everything up. It’s not them, it’s me. Eureka! The first step on the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. At least for our purposes today I am going to accept responsibility for being the problem. For so long I thought it was them, but maybe just maybe it really is me. I’m the person with the issues. The men are just fine. I am the one who is unreasonable, unrealistic, selfish, impatient, emotionally unavailable, shady, needy or anything else I have accused some man of being. Over the years, I have been told many things about myself and if it’s negative I generally just shrug it off and laugh. Those silly HATERS, lol. However, there are some comments I have heard consistently about my behavior, and maybe all these guys know each other or I might be what they say I am.  

 

I’ve been seeing a guy for the past couple of weeks that I previously knew. I like him, I like him a lot. I have gotten a lot of feedback over the years some solicited some of it unsolicited and in an effort to be better since I know better, I have started to make some modifications in how I act and speak to him. I want to be more accommodating less it’s my way or the highway. I want to be more understanding and less n@gro please. I want to be more warm bosom to rest his weary head on and less you better man up. I have even apologized for telling him that I would call him on my way home one evening and failing to do so. I do not say I am sorry. Things happen it is what it is, but my silly affections got in the way of my better judgment and I apologized. I want him to like me, so I try.

 

So on Friday we discussed getting together on Saturday, maybe having brunch or dinner. We didn’t make specific plans, but we agreed to see each other. Well when I woke up on Saturday my mother called to tell me that my cousin was having her fourth birthday party over my aunts. I also had to help a friend get her mother settled into her new living space. So needless to say I had some unexpected things to do, and my day quickly got away from me. We agreed to get together, but we never said “Hey we are going to do “fill in the blank” at “any time”. When I contacted him I was all breezy and light.

Me: Hello : )

Dude: Hi I thought I would have heard from you earlier

Me: Just getting back to the city…(I told him about my day and then followed with)…but I want to see you.

Dude: I’ve been wanting to 2cu2 but unfortunately that never materialized

Me: Why didn’t you call me?

Dude: U said you were going to call me. I like you but I won’t chase you.

 

I just got a text full of attitude. It’s not that serious to be me, but now everything is immediately escalated in my mind. I was completely caught off guard. I didn’t know the appropriate let’s be kind and understanding response.  I am like what does chasing me have to do with anything. When did vague plans that don’t materialize, followed by someone requesting an audience and asking why the person just didn’t call, turn into chasing. Did I miss something? When is a phone call the equivalent of chasing? You don’t hear from me so call me. Anything could have happened to me, I could have been stranded somewhere, what if my phone died, or I could have had a death in the family? I viewed his response as purposefully not reaching out because I said I would call. This is so ridiculously childish. I don’t believe his response or actions are those of an individual who is interested, those are the actions of an individual who is so caught up in being right that now we are both unhappy. And for what? So you can teach me a lesson since clearly you are irritated. I’m unhappy and he is trying to prove a point. Arghhh!

 

Just call. If I don’t answer leave a message.  Show some initiative, show that you can do more than just wait around obviously catching an attitude because someone didn’t call you. Why is it in my mind that if I don’t hear from someone I will call them. I  know texting, the devil, is the new way to communicate, but if it fails, cause sometimes oh so important text don’t get sent and wind up in the outbox, a plain old fashioned phone call may do the trick and get the desired results. However, this not calling business has been a sore spot with other people in the past. I know that I am notoriously bad for not returning phone calls, sometimes I just forget, sometimes I am doing something better or sometimes I just don’t feel like talking, but it is not nice to tell someone that you will call and then you don’t. If they are waiting around on my phone call I can see how they can start to feel sad inside and become a little grumpy with me.  

 

So I resisted the urge to send some kind of smart response and decided that a nice simple response would be best.

 

Me: You are right, I got caught up and completely lost track of time, but I still want to see you.

Dude: I want to see you too, what do you want to do

 

Ah, success.

I think he miss you…

Everyone wants to be missed. The knowledge that someone I loved, liked or maybe even disliked missing me makes me feel good. It’s probably something wrong with the affect the latter has on me, but for our purposes here today we aren’t analyzing why this might be a problem. I have been minding my own business recently. I’m not on the scene like last summer. I go to pre-determined, pre-scheduled and organized events. Not spur of the moment outings at the request of text messages and last minute phone calls to meet up for drinks or dinner. Plus this whole one man thing drives me nuts sometimes, but it does free up a lot of time. I have more time to think and review my past behavior before making decisions. And sometimes I think of individuals, individuals that sincerely piqued my interests.

 

I was instant messaging a coworker when the subject of an old admirer came up, well actually a sincere individual of interest. My coworker mentioned that he asked about me. Not wanting to seem too interested I played it cool. So I typed “oh really what did he say?” To which my coworker replied, “He asked if I see you around, mentioned that he tried to call, just wanted to check on you.” According to my coworker I come up in conversation frequently, generally whenever they talk.  At this point, I am thinking all of this is very intriguing, but simply respond “interesting.” My coworker then says  “I think he miss you…I told him you a keeper.” Now the key to this, or at least its significant to me, is that my coworker is a guy, not a girl. If it were a girl that said this it would be meaningless, but coming from a guy I thought that it might be true. He might actually miss me.

 

I would never admit this, ever. I do sometimes wonder what we could have been if maybe the timing was better and we were both a little more focused on each other. I am not one for regrets, but sometimes I do think of certain people that I have gone out with. I wonder if with a little more attention and a little less impatience if things could have blossomed into something sweet, promising and maybe even indulgent.

 

My thoughts didn’t wax tenderly during the instant messaging. I was short and said something to the jest of yeah yeah yeah and back to what I was saying before. I must admit that my first instinct was this is some slick game. Sure, have his friend drop the idea that he is wondering about me, so that either I call or the next time he calls I actually answer. I was so WHATEVER.  I just thought this is strategic and why waste perfectly good key strokes on ridiculousness. However, am I so jaded that I can’t appreciate someone sincerely missing me and take it just for what it is? He might miss me.

 

And I miss him.

 

I thought about contacting him all weekend. I thought why not call or better yet text. I went back and forth on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. However, I didn’t want to feel some type of way if he didn’t respond in a manner that I deemed appropriate or appreciated. Late Sunday night on my way to sleep I got the urge, started texting, but then mid sentence, I closed my phone. The knowledge that there was a small chance that he thought of me sometimes was good enough. The end.

Texting is the devil…

I have this theory on texting. Texting is the devil. This is my theory. I don’t think it’s an original idea, but I like to think I started calling it the devil first. Why do I call it the devil? Well see the devil comes to deceive and destroy. I think that text messaging deceives the participants into thinking they are having a conversation. Plus everyone has had a badly composed text send the completely wrong message or signal. Or even better the text goes to the WRONG recipient. This is often only remedied by a phone call or face to face conversation to explain the text. Sometimes for me none of this helps, and I end up destroying situations. So texting is the devil.

Before texting there was instant messenger, before that emailing, before that the telephone and before that I guess people were writing letters. Maybe we have come full circle? Writing, the remixed version, it’s condensed with a tight beat. Texting is also a joke because it allows people to have fake conversations. I mean how much can one convey in at max four short sentences? Well maybe a lot, but I don’t seem to find those who are eloquently succinct. I have come across those who think they can have entire conversations with me over text.

I know men LOVE to text. It’s like a sport to them. The fastest texters I know are men. They can run circles around me and I T-9 it. Plus most men don’t really like to talk a lot. They know it is necessary, and will do it, but would rather not. When they are texting they are able to communicate in the form they most desire, short statements.

There is one curious individual who will text me, I will immediately call, and he won’t answer, but will immediately send another text. Strange and perplexing. We do have entertaining and informational texting sessions. I believe that I have learned a lot, but there is no depth to what I know only surface things. I could tell you his favorite movie, but not say his favorite line or scene from the movie. I could tell you what he likes to do on the weekends, but not why he chooses to do those things.

There is another individual who is the worst. I can tell when he has cracked his knuckles and is getting fired up for a long texting session, it often starts with a text that includes more than two probing questions. When this happens I often text “call me.” This never elicits a response. Oh and I will only get another response if I send another text. It’s like he is thinking I can only text please not a dreaded phone call.  On the rare occasion that he does actually pick up the phone to call it will be a very very very brief conversation. We have the shortest conversations. They generally go something like this…

“Hello!!!” I always have lots of enthusiasm in my voice, this is probably what scares him to texting.

“Hi.” This is generally with no enthusiasm. Think that guy who does the eye drop commercials.

“What’s up?” This is said with a smile, so it sounds warm and inviting.

“Nothing, just wanted to see how you are doing?”

“I am lovely…,” but generally before I can finish the sentence or ask him how he is, he will respond with…

“Well I’m about to eat, go into this store, drive through a tunnel, say hey to my mother, etc. So I will talk with you later.”

WTH! Well then why did you call me? I never say this but its exactly what I am thinking. Maybe I will text that to him after he jumps off the phone. I just feel that if you know you are about to do something, do that first then call me. HaHA! Jokes on me! I guess this is why we always go back to texting.