He texted me…

Okay so I was all hyperventilating and disturbed about Mr. Mean not calling me because I felt he was being all unfair again, but this time by not calling me. Even if it was rightfully so after I rejected him twice. All that didn’t matter. I had an all out stank mood and had convinced myself that somebody else had my number.

Oh but wait, I had all but given up on him ever calling me and then he texts me Thursday. Booooooooooo! On him for texting, but at least he reached out. Ah the relief it provided.

His Text

Hi Ursala, This is L______ from church. Your mama gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. How are you? 

Hmmm so I’ve been trying to determine what I should say or if I should say anything at all. Technically I just wanted him to still desire me and him reaching out (even if it wasn’t an actual phone call) lifted my spirits and I no longer feel rejected. However, since I was all out of sorts I feel like I should respond.

Oh my goodness, is that a…..

I am a self confessed prude. I realize that I am not like most of my peers who are around the same age. However, even with my prudish ways I do not believe that it is acceptable to send body parts by text. In this age of myspace, facebook and blogs, you never know what might happen to it. I thought it might be funny to post the body parts I have received along with their names, HAha! Especially now that it seems I have become a magnet for the text flashers. 


My initiation into this strange new world of texting came thanks to a 23 year old. Leave it to the youngsters to usher in new innovations. Until this guy, I had never talked to someone who was younger than me. When one is bored it is amazing what one will entertain.  I mean what can a 23 year old do for me? I know NOW, send me dirty text, HAha!


Our first date was the sweetest. I thought I was 15 again. It was all kool-aid grins and rosey cheeks. We had great conversation and there was a comfort level that I generally don’t experience so quickly. I think I was less concerned about what I said and did because he was younger. Anyway, I guess we were both intrigued because we decided to hang out  several more times. The key is other than a few hugs there was no physical contact. I thought it was different, but not strange and it didn’t prepare me for what was yet to come.


So we were having a regular conversation about nothing in particular, making plans to see one another later in the evening. We got off the phone. Again the key is our conversation was G-rated. I was cool with it, he was just my speed. At least that’s what I thought.


That was until I received THE text that changed the way I looked at my phone from that point forward. I was reading when my phone vibrated. I picked it up and saw that I had a picture message from my new little friend. I opened it and squenched my eyes to help them focus. I pulled the screen closer so I could get a better view. What is that?  I looked at it curiously, when it suddenly dawned on me what I was looking at and my jaw dropped. WTF!?!?! Did he send me his….? Did he mean to send this to me? I was traumatized by the mere fact that I looked at it straight on without warning or without protective shades, but I was more disturbed by the fact that he thought it was appropriate to send it to me. I couldn’t figure out one good reason why he would send me such a thing. HAHA! Shouldn’t there be some parameters or maybe a preliminary warning before sending body parts by text?


I don’t think any body parts should be sent over text unless it’s of your spouse or maybe a significant other. I surely don’t think it’s appropriate to send it someone who has never seen it or even talked about it. I started to think maybe this was his way of bringing up the subject, since it hadn’t come up naturally. However, I didn’t know what the proper response was to such a text. Not wanting to be rude,  I decided the best way to handle it was to play dumb and just ignore it.


When is it ever appropriate to send a picture of a penis by text?


Texting is the devil…

I have this theory on texting. Texting is the devil. This is my theory. I don’t think it’s an original idea, but I like to think I started calling it the devil first. Why do I call it the devil? Well see the devil comes to deceive and destroy. I think that text messaging deceives the participants into thinking they are having a conversation. Plus everyone has had a badly composed text send the completely wrong message or signal. Or even better the text goes to the WRONG recipient. This is often only remedied by a phone call or face to face conversation to explain the text. Sometimes for me none of this helps, and I end up destroying situations. So texting is the devil.

Before texting there was instant messenger, before that emailing, before that the telephone and before that I guess people were writing letters. Maybe we have come full circle? Writing, the remixed version, it’s condensed with a tight beat. Texting is also a joke because it allows people to have fake conversations. I mean how much can one convey in at max four short sentences? Well maybe a lot, but I don’t seem to find those who are eloquently succinct. I have come across those who think they can have entire conversations with me over text.

I know men LOVE to text. It’s like a sport to them. The fastest texters I know are men. They can run circles around me and I T-9 it. Plus most men don’t really like to talk a lot. They know it is necessary, and will do it, but would rather not. When they are texting they are able to communicate in the form they most desire, short statements.

There is one curious individual who will text me, I will immediately call, and he won’t answer, but will immediately send another text. Strange and perplexing. We do have entertaining and informational texting sessions. I believe that I have learned a lot, but there is no depth to what I know only surface things. I could tell you his favorite movie, but not say his favorite line or scene from the movie. I could tell you what he likes to do on the weekends, but not why he chooses to do those things.

There is another individual who is the worst. I can tell when he has cracked his knuckles and is getting fired up for a long texting session, it often starts with a text that includes more than two probing questions. When this happens I often text “call me.” This never elicits a response. Oh and I will only get another response if I send another text. It’s like he is thinking I can only text please not a dreaded phone call.  On the rare occasion that he does actually pick up the phone to call it will be a very very very brief conversation. We have the shortest conversations. They generally go something like this…

“Hello!!!” I always have lots of enthusiasm in my voice, this is probably what scares him to texting.

“Hi.” This is generally with no enthusiasm. Think that guy who does the eye drop commercials.

“What’s up?” This is said with a smile, so it sounds warm and inviting.

“Nothing, just wanted to see how you are doing?”

“I am lovely…,” but generally before I can finish the sentence or ask him how he is, he will respond with…

“Well I’m about to eat, go into this store, drive through a tunnel, say hey to my mother, etc. So I will talk with you later.”

WTH! Well then why did you call me? I never say this but its exactly what I am thinking. Maybe I will text that to him after he jumps off the phone. I just feel that if you know you are about to do something, do that first then call me. HaHA! Jokes on me! I guess this is why we always go back to texting.