You can marry well if you apply yourself…

Yesterday I caught the bouquet at a wedding. I don’t think I have ever been so motivated to catch a bouquet, or really anything for that matter. When I walked to the floor I thought participating in this wedding custom goes against every feminist bone in my body. Yet, I moved quickly to get a prime spot and I even stretched a bit. I am not competitive, but I went out there determined to catch the bouquet. I think I secretly believed that it might increase my chances of getting hitched. I have mixed views about marriage. I think marriage is great for men he gets a built in cook, maid, care-giver, cheerleader, event planner and baby-maker. I know it’s not that simple and all women don’t cater to their husbands, some even have sensitive husbands who are equally involved, but for the most part I feel women get the short end of the stick in marriage. Why was I so anxious to catch the bouquet?


Three things happened earlier in the week.


A friend, and I use that term very loosely because 99.9999% of the time he is unfriendly, mentioned that being unattached at 25 plus was an issue and wished me good luck in finding someone. I never thought that being single in my 20’s was a problem, maybe if I was 36 that statement might have been more appropriate and understandable. However, it stung and it made me anxious about my prospects.


I ran into a highschool acquaintance while grocery shopping. She was all beaming smiles and belly since she was pregnant with her second child. She asked if I was married and I replied that I was not. She looked at me very oddly, almost as if she wanted to say “poor girl”, but instead she said “Why not? What’s the problem? You are so pretty.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I asked her when she was due. She gave me the due date, then pulled out her wallet and gave me her card. She instructed me to call her because she had someone she wanted to introduce me to. As she waddled away, I thought does she feel sorry for me and think that I need her match making assistance because I don’t have a husband? Obviously.


I stopped by my aunt’s house to pick up a package. I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when my uncle walked into the kitchen. He picked up my left hand, peered at it and then shook his head. I was confused as to why he was shaking his head so I said “What?”

“Ursala, you know you could marry well if you applied yourself.” He said it so matter of factly as if it was something that I had been unaware of all my life and needed to be told. Almost as if this knowledge would save me from becoming an old-maid.


All these incidents got me to thinking about my prospects. I have never been focused on marriage. It’s never been at the top of my to do list. I just believe that when and if it is my time things will align themselves and it will happen. However, I couldn’t help thinking what if I missed out on something significant. What if I neglected to develop a relationship with my ideal mate? What if I summarily dismissed a suitor who would have been the perfect companion? What if I blew off some stranger who could have brought me sublime marital bliss? My general response has always been if I missed it then it wasn’t meant for me. Any other time that concept would have been acceptable, but some how it didn’t provide me any comfort. I almost felt like I had failed some adult test that proved I was responsible and able to commit. I have never felt insecure about the decisions I have made in my life, but suddenly I felt like maybe my priorities were all out of order.


When I caught the bouquet I felt relieved that maybe I had taken the first step. Since I took some initiative to catch that bouquet I hope that fate smiles on me and sends someone my way. I guess.