One picture…

Have you seen the Annie Leibovitz photo of the First Family in the Green Room? It’s being called the first official White House Family Portrait.

This picture makes me want to get married, procreate and have a career. I have always wanted to be somebody, but now I am getting way more specific. This is a breakthrough for me. TRUST ME! The Obamas are influencing me in ways I would have never imagined.

After watching one of President Obama’s speeches I had an AHA! moment that helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I most definitely have real direction now. Barack you really Rock for that! I have also decided that my job or career doesn’t have to define me. For a very long time I felt that meaning, purpose and identity would be found in my career pursuits, but now I look to work simply as a means to an end. To travel, eat out and buy new mascara. Although that may seem trivial to some, for me it has given me peace of mind and joy that I had not experienced until that moment when it dawned on me that I am so much more than my job. However, his speech caused me to return to my thoughts when I was in elementary school and highschool and college and remember what I enjoyed. So hats off to Barack for cracking the code to what I want to be when I grow up.

I think I want a husband. That being said I don’t think my mom should fish out that guest list she made the last time I was engaged. However, those Obama’s have me thinking that a spousal unit might not be so bad. Anyone who knows me knows I have never fantasized about marriage or being married. Ok, I have gotten caught up in what I believe is the natural progression of a relationship, but I never made it a goal to be married. I have always said I want companionship, but it didn’t necessarily have to be in the form of a husband. I understand that you can’t look at someone else’s situation and draw conclusions on how your situation would work out but Barack and Michelle make marriage look agreeable. Thanks for being role models.

There are children that pull on my womb and make me quickly, and very briefly think of children. However, when I saw the Obama family photo I couldn’t help myself. Sasha’s beaming little smile made me think “Hmmmm what if I had a child, that would be so sweet, a little me.” Then I thought abut the logistics of having a baby. If I had a child I would really want them to collect my eggs, get my man’s sperm and place it in a surrogate. I wonder how much that would cost? However, for a fleeting moment I pictured my little family. It brought a smile to my face. I want to pursue the American Dream or at least my edited version. Thank you Obama Family.

All my single ladies put your hands up…

I love to see happy, well functioning couples that love each other. I’m not one of those sappy love the idea of being in love ladies, but I’m all for people finding a companion. I have reached the coupling-age and an increasing number of my friends are making co-habitation plans or getting hitched. This leads me to today’s post. And it is possible that I have written about this before, but to engaged and married women please don’t forget the single lady struggle. I’m not saying dwell on it everyday, but don’t mistreat your single girlfriends now that you are all married, fianced and boo’ed up. I’m going to give you examples of some actions you may want to avoid so you don’t piss off your single girlfriends. 

Don’t try to tell me….
This is by far the most annoying thing that ladies who are married or almost married love to do, tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship or search for a man. I do seek and heed advice. I try to avoid unnecessary chaos and grief in my life if I can help it. If listening to your cautionary tale or advice can help me avoid misery I will take it. However, that should not be confused with being given unsolicited advice on why I don’t have a man or a ring. Especially if that advice is given while you appear to be looking down your nose at me, and I remember last week before you had that engagement rock, you were asking if I could come with you to ride by his house or help you come up with names of super heroes cause you were trying to figure out the pass code for his gmail account. You have been successful in finding a mate and you get a gold star, but that doesn’t make you an expert on finding a man. You simply found the right one for you.

Don’t deny me my plus one…

I understand that weddings are expensive. Most of the expense is the dress and providing food and beverages at the reception. If you have invited me to your wedding and you allowed me a plus one on the invitation, you can’t take it back because your budget and guest list keeps growing. Contrary to popular belief there is a shortage of single eligible bachelors at weddings. Generally all the bachelors are either ring bearers (they may be adorbale and cuddly but they are under-age) or old uncles that recently had hip replacement surgery or fall asleep as soon as they sit down. I want a date at a wedding if I can help it. You also can’t deny me my plus one because you have never met the guy and don’t consider him to be someone of importance worthy enough to attend your wedding. It doesn’t matter if I have only known him for 24 hours prior to your wedding. If he has made me happy in those 24 hours you should be happy for me. You got a man so stop hating.

Don’t go all bridezilla on me…

I’m sure everyone has seen the show bridezilla or you may have your very own bridezilla story of how your sweet, soon to be married girlfriend flipped out on you, hit you, cursed you, screamed on you, demanded unreasonableness out of you, caught some unnecessary attitude with you and expected you to just take it like a man (completely forgetting you are a woman and have feelings). I don’t think any more explanation or details are necessary for this example. Just remember your wedding day is only about 6 maybe 8 hours long and the ugliness you dish out may not be forgotten in that amount of time.

Don’t have me looking suspect…

I think brides-to-be really need to think through and analyze the sizes, shapes and shades of their wedding party before picking wedding colors and dresses. I know it’s your day and you want to be the belle of the ball, but I don’t have to look ridiculous so you can shine. Ugly dresses used to fold nicely and neatly into closets and pictures used to sit in boxes, photo albums or in cameras, but now there’s this evil thing called facebook. That means that ugly orange dress you said was coral, that gave me birthing baby hips, will be viewed by people who weren’t even at the wedding. You can stop that from happening by being a good friend and picking a universally flattering dress shape, in a flattering color.   

I think the above tips should keep the love flowing between the have man and the have man nots and save friendships.

Perpetrating a Fraud…

National Blog Posting Month is here. I am going to participate  and attempt to post every day for the month of July. What Fun. Ha! My random thoughts everyday for a month. This is going to get interesting. Well let’s get cracking and I mean literally because I am flexing my intertwined fingers out in front of me now. What will I talk about today?

Ah! I know…

I am so late on this, but I have to speak on it anyway. Plus, I am late for obvious reasons the death of the King has me unconcerned about reality tv stars. However, while watching Chelsea Lately and dozing off to sleep, I saw a commercial for E! News. The commercial promised pictures of Kendra’s wedding at the Playboy Mansion. WTH?!?!?

I woke up and pulled the spectacles from my bedside dressing table onto my nose. I was certain I had heard the wrong thing. Chelsea comes back on and I am hoping that she is about to shake hands with the audience so we can get to the news. This is the first time that I’ve ever wished I had internet access in my room. Why am I concerned about Kendra? Of all the causes to support, problems to resolve and subjects to research why would I pick one so shallow, misguided and without any redeeming value? Because I have a strange fascination with the Girls Next Door and their cohabitation experiment. It was the first reality show that I made sure I was home to watch. I was actually sad when it went off since all the ladies left the house to go explore the wider world. The story was as advertised, Kendra was indeed married at the playboy mansion and the proof was in the pictures. I know Kendra is all parties and booty shake, but even she had to know you don’t get married at your Ex’s house. I mean doesn’t she know this? Shame on Mama Kendra if she did not.   

The pictures left me with two thoughts…

First Thought…

Is Kendra Crazy? What kind of woman gets married at her Ex’s house where God only knows what happened and they cohabitated? And what kind of man stands for it? Even if Kendra had a wonderful relationship with Hugh and the break up wasn’t bad it is still not appropriate to marry your NEW man at your OLD man’s house. I don’t care how much you care about him it’s disrespectful to your NEW man. There should be a clear divider between relationships and conducting your nuptials at your Ex’s place certainly blurs the lines. Closure is not saying I do on OLD man’s lawn. Hmmm….always thought Kendra’s airy-ness was merely exaggerated to portray her as a carefree, young spirit, but maybe she is a little off.

The second thought…

Wait! Ohhhh NoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo! It can’t be true, but it has to be? The Girl’s next door was a SHAM! Oh the tragedy of it. I put my hand to my forehead and fainted into my fluffy pillows. I was outraged! I was deceived, hood-winked, duped, 52 faked out, bamboozled and swindled out of my precious time. The playboy mansion was merely an apartment building for blondes. Holly claiming that Hugh didn’t need viagra cause she snuck up on him a few times just fabrications to prop up his swinger lifestyle. It was a marketing ploy to make Playboy relevant again and accessible to younger generations. A cheap, simple, savvy way to revitalize the brand. No wonder those ladies didn’t have any cat fights (I witnessed a few side glances), they were NOT sharing a man. They merely shared the same residence. I was convinced of this last night lying in my bed. I suspected it, but Kendra’s playboy mansion wedding pictures made it perfectly clear that their show was a fraud. I spent Sundays watching this scripted, fictitious, soap-opera farce passed off as a reality show. I will admit I was entertained, but reality tv does not require willing suspension of disbelief of it’s viewers because it’s supposed to be real. I mean I know there is “light” scripting and some editing, but the whole premise of the show was not real. The audacity of them all. I was merely a pawn in their ploy to gain tv ratings and publicity. Fooled me once, but it’s shame on you Hugh. What I was watching was a sham and you know it! I want an apology and some sort of consolation prize for playing along.

So what do you think about a blind date…

I have reached the coupling age. The time when everyone around seems to be looking for deeper more meaningful relationships that lead to some serious form of commitment, marriage and a family. As a woman I realize that I have a shelf life, youth and beauty will fade and it is great to get while the getting is good. I survived one coupling cycle when I graduated from college. A third of my college friends married shortly after we graduated. Unfortunately, only one of those marriages is still in tact. I like to refer to those early marriages as the trial marriages. Those marriages are just to test the waters and rarely last. The coupling is in full force right now, maybe it’s because it’s cold outside and the holidays are coming up. Nonetheless that loving feeling is in the air and it ain’t cause it’s spring.

 

Due to the coupling season, it never surprises me when relationships and dating come up in groups of three or more women. I was having dinner with friends and the conversation drifted to the men folk. Half of the group was happily coupled or dating someone with lots of potential. I fell into the second group, those who are casually going out and seeing multiple people. I explained my situation and that I am cool with it. Basically, I go out and do so often, but I’m enjoying myself. I haven’t found anyone that I should settle down with. I have settled down before and I know what it feels like. It’s generally a whirlwind of emotions and bliss and kissing and blushing and giggles and butterflies and what are you doing so I can be there too. I know what it looks like and it hasn’t found me. In the meantime, I just enjoy the entertainment.

 

Well one of my friends didn’t want to just leave it at that. She asked “Do you want to get married?” I hate this question because it can mean so many different things depending on who says it and in what tone and after a certain line of questioning. It was only fair that she asked this question. I know that part of it is due to the fact that about four years ago I was nearly obsessed with marriage. It was so unlike me because before that relationship I had never concerned myself with marriage. I don’t think it was so much marriage that I wanted as it was a desire to be engaged. Actually maybe it was not even so much to be engaged, but just to have my hand spoken for publicly. My head was abuzz and it seemed only a ring on my left hand would silence it. I was in a serious relationship where the natural next step was an engagement. Looking back I realize that this idea was based on my upbringing, societal norms and an understanding of dating that made me believe that it was the only natural progression to what we shared. It was not necessarily based on what he and I needed to do. A ring consumed me and I talked about it constantly. I generally delivered soliloquies to whoever would listen but quietly to my ramblings. Each soliloquy ended with the question was there a U variable in his equation since I hadn’t received a ring. I am older and wiser and no longer afflicted by the needforaringitist.

 

Anyway, I told her “Yeah, I guess, eventually at some point if and when I found someone that I want to marry.” Next she asked “How do you feel about a blind date? I have someone I want you to meet.” I love that people are concerned about me and my love life. I often find that people want to help me and I appreciate their concern. I have been out on two blind dates. Both went extraordinarily well so I don’t have anything against blind dates. However, I have heard horror stories about them and I am shy. So I am always hesitant to agree to them, which is why I have only been on two. There must have been a full moon out because sitting at the table with all eyes on me I said “Sure. Why not?!”

 

To be continued…

The Clintons

I was reading an article about whether Hillary Clinton would run for office again and it made me think back over the problems she has had with Bill over the years. It all started with Jennifer Flowers, that press conference was scandalously shocking. Do you remember Jennifer’s hair, it was a hair spray and teased creation? I doubt that Jennifer was the first and she certainly wasn’t the last, but it introduced us to Bill the philandering husband and Hillary the long suffering wife. Then it was Monica, the dress and the impeachment. Bill, come on now buddy. I was embarrassed for her and Chelsea. Hillary seemed to be unsettlingly calm about the whole affair, she probably had made peace with the fact that her husband wasn’t faithful long before we found out. She stood by her man, was cool and kept it moving. I think she was probably more concerned about the shame of it all and the distraction from the business of running the country. I don’t know if there were tears shed or if there were screaming matches in the secret recesses of the White House. I’m sure in their private moments she had ugly words for Bill, at least I hope so.

 

I know that at the time I thought she was insane for staying, but no one understands how a marriage works and why it works except for the two people in it. I understand now that people marry for many different reasons that may or may not make sense to bystanders. Bill and Hillary obviously aren’t concerned about anyone else and what they think. However, I thought that clearly their marriage was a sham and just a business arrangement. Whether or not this is right or wrong it works for them and that is all that matters.

 

My whole view was totally changed after watching the Democratic National Convention.  I sat down to watch Hillary deliver her speech, which was excellent, but I couldn’t help but notice Bill Clinton. They kept cutting to him before and during the speech. I describe it as an all out love fest. He was beaming the whole time, practically outshining the sun, just clapping and hollering it up. The pride, the adoration, the respect, the pain, the disappointment, the drama, the joy, the triumphs, the dreams and whatever else comprises their situation was all broadcast to the world. It was written across his face, included with his hand clapping, manifested in his smile and in his previously roving eyes that were locked only on her. The love in his heart gushed from every pore of his body and it twinkled in his eyes. I have never seen such sincere excitement and adoration from anyone’s spouse during a political speech in my history of watching conventions and speeches. He was like baby you did it and I love you. I believe that they truly love each other, or at least there is no doubt in my mind that he loves him some Hillary. She might just put up with him, but I am sure she knows she got em’ and that’s all that matters. She obviously is content with that.

You can marry well if you apply yourself…

Yesterday I caught the bouquet at a wedding. I don’t think I have ever been so motivated to catch a bouquet, or really anything for that matter. When I walked to the floor I thought participating in this wedding custom goes against every feminist bone in my body. Yet, I moved quickly to get a prime spot and I even stretched a bit. I am not competitive, but I went out there determined to catch the bouquet. I think I secretly believed that it might increase my chances of getting hitched. I have mixed views about marriage. I think marriage is great for men he gets a built in cook, maid, care-giver, cheerleader, event planner and baby-maker. I know it’s not that simple and all women don’t cater to their husbands, some even have sensitive husbands who are equally involved, but for the most part I feel women get the short end of the stick in marriage. Why was I so anxious to catch the bouquet?

 

Three things happened earlier in the week.

 

A friend, and I use that term very loosely because 99.9999% of the time he is unfriendly, mentioned that being unattached at 25 plus was an issue and wished me good luck in finding someone. I never thought that being single in my 20’s was a problem, maybe if I was 36 that statement might have been more appropriate and understandable. However, it stung and it made me anxious about my prospects.

 

I ran into a highschool acquaintance while grocery shopping. She was all beaming smiles and belly since she was pregnant with her second child. She asked if I was married and I replied that I was not. She looked at me very oddly, almost as if she wanted to say “poor girl”, but instead she said “Why not? What’s the problem? You are so pretty.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I asked her when she was due. She gave me the due date, then pulled out her wallet and gave me her card. She instructed me to call her because she had someone she wanted to introduce me to. As she waddled away, I thought does she feel sorry for me and think that I need her match making assistance because I don’t have a husband? Obviously.

 

I stopped by my aunt’s house to pick up a package. I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when my uncle walked into the kitchen. He picked up my left hand, peered at it and then shook his head. I was confused as to why he was shaking his head so I said “What?”

“Ursala, you know you could marry well if you applied yourself.” He said it so matter of factly as if it was something that I had been unaware of all my life and needed to be told. Almost as if this knowledge would save me from becoming an old-maid.

 

All these incidents got me to thinking about my prospects. I have never been focused on marriage. It’s never been at the top of my to do list. I just believe that when and if it is my time things will align themselves and it will happen. However, I couldn’t help thinking what if I missed out on something significant. What if I neglected to develop a relationship with my ideal mate? What if I summarily dismissed a suitor who would have been the perfect companion? What if I blew off some stranger who could have brought me sublime marital bliss? My general response has always been if I missed it then it wasn’t meant for me. Any other time that concept would have been acceptable, but some how it didn’t provide me any comfort. I almost felt like I had failed some adult test that proved I was responsible and able to commit. I have never felt insecure about the decisions I have made in my life, but suddenly I felt like maybe my priorities were all out of order.

 

When I caught the bouquet I felt relieved that maybe I had taken the first step. Since I took some initiative to catch that bouquet I hope that fate smiles on me and sends someone my way. I guess.