Spend the mind or I ain’t saying she a gold digger…

I would not categorize myself as a gold digger. However, I do desire a man who can provide for me and take care of our possible off spring.

That being said…

Today I was invited to lunch by a guy that I like. Our ____ship (cause I am not sure what to call it) is progressing at a relatively steady pace. He is very charming and very nice to look at. I’m going through a pretty boy phase, let you know when it ends. He called me and after the howdoyoudo’s, he asked if I had gotten his text about lunch. I replied that I had indeed received it and was looking forward to seeing him. I just needed to know where he wanted to meet. Then he said,


“I don’t want to go anywhere expensive.”


“Okay, sure it’s lunch. Where do you want to go?” No reason breaking the bank for lunch, plus I can’t truly savor a meal when I’m rushing to get back to work.


“I dunno.”


“What about that Italian spot we went to last week?”


“That’s expensive.” I made a mental note considering I think that restaurant is relatively cheap. I figured I dare not ask to go to my favorite Italian restaurant any time soon or before we reached an understanding concerning expensive restaurants.


“Oh, well where do you want to go?”


“I really don’t know.”


“Well what do you want to eat?”


“I’m not sure.” Now I am thinking for someone who is concerned about how much he doesn’t want to spend for lunch he sure is leaving a lot to chance.


“Want to go to that sandwich place I was telling you that has the cupcakes.”


“Is it expensive?”


“No. Why don’t you suggest something? Or how about we go to McDonald’s or split a sub at Subway?” He starts laughing. I am serious, I’m thinking we can split a five dollar foot long. Plus I don’t mind a happy meal, I like the prizes.


“I don’t want that.”


“What about that Thai place we passed, that’s close by and it isn’t expensive”


“That sounds good, meet you there.”


Now I am wondering what was that all about? I am also thinking about the Italian spot we went to, that place is NOT expensive. I consider a place to be expensive if I wouldn’t go there myself unless it was a special occasion. If I can take myself it ain’t expensive. The main thing is he invited me to lunch, so shouldn’t he call with a game plan that fits his budget? Hmmm


Seated at the restaurant and looking at the menu I ask if the prices were ok. He looks down the menu and starts shaking his head. I lean in closer waiting for a response, but he doesn’t say anything. So I sit back thinking all is well and look over the menu. The waitress comes and takes our order. I don’t get anything extra, no spring rolls or thai iced tea for me, just a small dish and some lemon for my water. He orders a mid priced entrée, so I assume we are cool. No longer concerned I almost ordered the thai iced tea, but I change my mind I don’t want to get ahead of myself. When the check comes he makes the following comment, “This place is expensive.” The waitress comes over before I can say anything and ask if she can take the dishes away. There is still food on my plate and she asks if I would like to box it up. I say no, but then he tells her yes box it up. She turns and walks away with my plate. I decide this isn’t the time to get into it with him about how I don’t like leftovers unless it’s dessert.


He then reiterates, “this place isn’t cheap.”


“It’s pretty decent considering the food is good and they give you a lot. Did you like it?”


“Yes, it was good, but you said it was inexpensive.” I notice that he put an emphasis on IN. I am not interested in going back and forth considering I asked him where he wanted to go and he made no suggestions. I also do believe the place is inexpensive. So I said,

“Well is the check over $25?”




“Well we didn’t do that much damage.” I giggle.


He is quiet. He pulled out his wallet, but his brow was all furled and lined. I took the bill out of his hand and said,

“Lunch is on me.”


“Really?” He actually looked surprised.


“Yes. I enjoyed your company and lunch, so I got it.”




As I paid for the bill I wondered if he had done all that whining purposefully. I thought he set me up, I’m a little sucka. Honestly I did enjoy lunch and his company, so it really wasn’t a big deal to me. While I signed my name, two things concerned me about the situation. One, what does he think qualifies as expensive? I don’t mind frugality for the sake of building for a future and wealth, but I can’t stand a cheap and stingy guy. Second, he failed to plan for our date. 


It just didn’t make sense to me. If you want to eat please DO select a restaurant that fits the budget. If he was really concerned about the price of the lunch why didn’t he have a place already picked out that would accommodate his wallet? We are both close to a park why not invite me there for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chai tea or better yet pop some pre-made Pillsbury dough boy cookies into the oven. If you want to see me and you can’t afford lunch why are you suggesting it? I know AND understand we are in a recession. If you want to spend time with me don’t always suggest we go eat, there are other things to do besides eating. Be creative. Spend the mind. A memorable date cost nothing more than your time and some thought. It’s obvious to me that he wants to spend time with me, but if he just listened and paid attention I have given him ideas for cheap dates. I go on and on about how I like to people watch, so let’s go to the mall or airport. I read a lot and talk about the books, so let’s go to the bookstore library and peruse. It’s actually quite exciting to make out in the stacks. I think its something about the smell that all those words on all those pages in all those books produce, it’s an aphrodisiac. I talk about my reality shows and Mad Men, so maybe we can watch them together. I’ll provide the electricity and the tv. I might even pop open a bottle of wine. Dude is asleep at the wheel. Just going through the motions, probably just offering lunch or dinner and a movie to all the ladies. I love the movies and I love to eat so I never complain, but it is the standard and it takes no imagination. Listen to me or know your budget and plan accordingly.

Hello Lover Boy…

Approach a man. If you have never done so before you have to do it. Try it today! The excitement of it all does wonders for the complexion. Haha!


I am not sure what has come over me recently, but if I see something I really like then I want to approach it, not just smile and hope it comes over. I have noted that the frequency of this urge has increased, although I must admit I have not been acting on this urge. Today was no different. I felt the urge, but I just couldn’t or maybe just didn’t want to deny it.


I was at the mall when I saw a tall and handsome guy strolling through the store by his lonesome. I was with a girlfriend and her bff shopping for a gift for her father, but in the belt department (after seeing Sex in the City we are all trying to add belts to the wardrobe). I thought he was sexy and I felt obligated to say hello. As he walked through the area we were in, I kept turning around to look at him. Each time I turned around he was looking at me, but he didn’t come over. We were in the middle of selecting belts to purchase so I was slightly distracted and he got away. After we purchased the belts, I let them know I had to hunt him down.


We headed back to the men’s department to find him. Now when we first started out I just wanted to find him, I couldn’t tell you what I was going to say. See funny thing is I never know what I am going to say after the first hello, and part of the excitement is just trying to determine the approach. We didn’t find him on the first floor so I suggested we go to the second floor. Bingo! There he was. He was in the urban section, so I thought dang he might be really young (I have also noticed that I am starting to think younger guys are very cute, hence my new hobby of going to blockbuster once a week to flirt with the cashier). As we walked over to him, all of a sudden I was so very nervous. I looked at my friend wide eyed and crazed and blurted out “I can’t do this”. Then I proceeded to the polo department to look at men’s shirts. Since she was getting a kick out of this, she asked me if I wanted her to approach him. Although it seemed like a good idea, at 25+ I couldn’t let her go over and tell him that she had a friend who thought he was cute blah blah blah. It would have been embarrassing. Plus I can embarrass myself on my own which I proceeded to do. While perusing the men’s shirts, attempting to get the courage to go over, whining about how I didn’t know what to say, I looked up and he was looking me dead in the face. Not knowing what else I should do I literally jumped behind a pole so he couldn’t see me. Now after I did this, I thought why, why did I jump why couldn’t I have turned and walked? My friend starts laughing and is not behind the pole, so if he was still looking I know he was cracking up too.

Since he totally knew we were talking about him and to save face, I adjusted my big girl panties and proceeded to go talk to him.

When I reappeared from behind the pole, he was still in the same section. As I approached, my stomach started churning and I got an instant case of heart burn. I was overcome with fear, almost to paralysis, but right when I was about to freeze, then turn and run, he turned around. So I smiled and he smiled back.

“Hi!” I know I had to have been a very bright pink.

“Hey, how are you?” When he said this he exposed a beautiful set of teeth and a rhythmic southern drawl that had to make the ladies swoon.

“I’m good. What are you shopping for? Maybe I could help.” I just smiled with my head titled to side.

He grinned back at me and we proceeded to chit chat about nothing in particular.


After our conversation, with his number safely saved to my phone, I walked off wondering what took me so long to say hello. I just chuckled to myself. The thrill of the chase, the uncertainty of what to say, the approach itself it produces a euphoric high. Plus I tend to get all giggly. I am telling you, you have to try it. It might just change your life.