The Eternal Crush…

My life is back to normal today…I’ve been having that kind of week when you want to add just 30 more minutes to each day. And it seems like you can’t quite get to everything on your MUST do today list. Anyway let me get to this so I can scratch this off my list for today…

I went to get my car washed first thing this morning. I don’t know why I decided that it needed to be washed today. I haven’t washed my car in months, but today I desired it to be so fresh and so clean. I roll into the car wash thinking there would be no line and no wait but obviously first thing in the morning is when others think to wash their cars too.

I wait in line and clean out the inside of my car. I’m stretched over the seats picking up programs and shoes and miscellaneous papers and hangers and restaurant coupons and party flyers and business cards. I don’t have any children, but you couldn’t tell only one person rides in my car by looking inside it. I decide to get out the car to throw my nice little ball of trash away and put some other things in the trunk. I toss the trash, but turn around because I feel someone looking at me. I see what looks to be probably my number 3 crush in life. I immediately duck into my trunk. I wonder if it’s him or if I am imagining things. The last time I saw him we flirted something serious, but then he admitted he had a girl so I backed off. I don’t like encroaching on other’s territory because I believe in Karma. I am also severely unsatisfied with my choice of apparel. I’m definitely looking heck-hell-tic. I really need to start acting like a grown up and heed my aunt’s advice, “Look fabulous if you leave the house.” D@mn D@mn D@mn why can’t I follow directions! There are about 8 cars ahead of me and I’m thinking if I slow down he’ll be gone before I even get to the lobby to wait for my car. I close my trunk and look over to see if he is still there. Nope, he is gone.

As soon as I realize the coast is clear, I internally slap myself for panicking and being ashamed of how I am dressed. First it might not have been him. I then give myself the get a grip girl lecture along the lines of it’s not that serious, why are you acting all pressed, and don’t you have someone you are very interested in anyway, who cares that he saw you with a scarf on your head and a jogging suit, you’re cute anyway. Despite the lecture,  I decide to put my shades on to give myself a purposeful bohemian Hollywood look (is that even really possible outside of Hollywood? and what is bohemian about a jogging suit?), but it’s the look I’m going for and I pump myself up sufficiently enough to saunter inside like I have on heels and a dress.

I hand my ticket to the lady at the counter. I hear my name right behind me. I slowly turn around. It’s him. I grin slightly, but smile internally.

“Hey Ursala!”

“Hello [Mr. 3rd Crush].” He leans in and gives me a great big bear hug.

“I can’t believe I ran into you here of all places. I thought about you last week. I wanted to call you, but I don’t have your number.”

“Really?”

“But I headed out of town and I’m just getting back, that’s actually why I’m here. I parked my car at a lot and it was filthy when I found it.”

“Hmmmm”

“But good thing I like to keep my car clean, otherwise I wouldn’t have ran into you.”

“Yeah…”

“You look great by the way!” I know he is soo lying stretching the truth but I play along with it.

“Thanks.”

“It’s funny how we are always running into one another, but never purposefully.”

“Yeah…”

“So what’ve you been up to?”

Now mind you this whole time he is still “holding” me. After he bear hugged me, he kept one arm wrapped around my shoulder. He then proceeded to give the cashier money for my ticket and then steered me away from the counter. I am of course a little flustered because I have always and still do find him overwhelmingly sexy. At that moment he is too close to me for me to form coherent whole sentences. I’m going to need some space for that. I lean away from him so I can try to answer his question and this dude goes and plants a kiss right on my forehead. WTH!?!

“You’re so cute.”

I’m still stunned internally, but I try to recover externally. I turn my lean away into a whole step back. I am now a good foot away, but I decide to step back one more foot just to be sure I can speak safely without the threat of swooning or any more forehead kissing.

“I am well.”

This was all he really allowed me to add to the conversation. He’s car was up and he asked me for my number. I declined. I’ve got some pots bubbling on the stove and I want to focus on them. Don’t need to add any new cold pots to the burners. He said ok told me it was really good to see me and left.

After he was inside his car I thought dang I could’ve asked for HIS number just in case things don’t work out for me. I hate that I don’t think on my toes (can that be learned or is that just inate?) But maybe there are people you are never meant to talk to or explore anything with. The timing is always bad. Either they are engaged or you are in a relationship or they just came out of a long term relationship or you are a sentence away from being in a relationship, etc. I don’t think we will ever get an opportunity to talk. I think whatever opportunity we may have had passed in grade school. I can’t say that I don’t know him, but I don’t know him in the I’m trying to get to know you because I want to be your girl sense. Plus EVERY time I run into him, either he or I have something else going on. Due to circumstances and or timing I guess he will eternally be a crush, nothing more, nothing less. Just someone I desire, flirt with, and think about from time to time.

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The Brunch…

I need to redirect my chi, cleanse my karma or maybe I need to forgive somebody because I must not be living right. Today I went to brunch with a married man. A tall, handsome, clean-cut, educated, have my ish together, but joined in marriage to somebody man. After learning this vital piece of information I wondered did I miss something? Maybe my wires got crossed, but I now my circuitry and everything is working properly. Did I push up on him? I will flirt which includes smiling or making eye contact and holding it for more than three seconds, but from my recollection I didn’t even notice him. He was trying to holler, right? I think as a single woman I know when someone is hollering.

 

I was standing in line at Doc Greens in the way of people who knew what they wanted. After two weeks of no greens, I needed vegetables, but I was overwhelmed by all the possibilities. I allowed several patrons to pass me as I tried to figure out what I was going to order. I finally decided on some type of veggie, mushroom wrap. When I got to the register my meal had been paid for. I looked up and saw the smiling culprit holding my food. I thanked him, took the bag and proceeded to the condiment island. This is where the story should have ended, but he wanted to holler.

 

He came over introduced himself and we engaged in unnecessary small talk. See I had on sweats and flip flops, so I wasn’t really trying to get hollered at. Despite my desire to remain incognito I was Miss Chatty. The fact that he was cute as a button, sort of like an over grown boy, helped as well. He asked for my information. I declined and instead asked for his card. He said he didn’t have one so I ended up giving him my number. I am certain that he had a card, but I played along with his little game. He called shortly after I left the parking lot. Turns out we had a lot more to talk about.

 

Conversation flowed very easily, so it was no surprise when he asked me to dinner. I suggested we have brunch since breakfast is my favorite meal. At brunch, we settled into a traditional round of Prince or Michael Jackson, religious or atheist, democrat or republican, east coast or west coast, summer or winter, paper or plastic. We ended up talking about our families, and this round of questioning led to do you have kids and the all important what’s your marital status. When he said no kids I thought YESSSSSS! I was not prepared for the next answer. He responded that he had been married once. I asked, “How long have you been divorced?”

He responded, “I’m not divorced, I’m still married.”

I looked at him. Then I looked around the restaurant. I then said, “Are you separated?”

“Nope, I’m married.”

I whispered back “You are married?!?” He whispered back “Yes!”

 

My jaw dropped and nothing came out, but there were so many things running through my mind all at once, but I couldn’t find the appropriate response. What is the proper reaction or response to why yes I am married? I was also trying to figure out if I had missed something. There was no ring on his finger, I was sure that he picked ME up at Doc Greens, and after all of the prior conversations and texts I didn’t remember anything that indicated he was taken and he was definitely fresh and flirty. I was immediately uncomfortable, pissed, irritated and nervous. I was scared his wife might pop out of the bushes. I shared this fear with him and he replied “Oh she’s in LA.” Whew I was relieved, but then I was like WTH!

 

Of course I chose to dig deeper and ask questions instead of throwing my lemonade on him and storming out. I really think that kind of stuff only happens on tv. He explained that he never intended for things to get as far as brunch. Originally he just planned to pay for my meal and wasn’t trying to get my number. My response to that was “Well why did you ask for it?” He said I seemed nice and it was real easy talking to me. He only planned to talk to me on the phone ever so often. My response to that was“You realize you called me like three minutes after I gave you my number?” He replied “I wanted to talk to you. Didn’t you think we had a good conversation?” I ignored this and explained that he should have revealed that he was married somewhere between can I get your number and let’s go out to eat. He didn’t agree, he felt it never came up in conversation. Plus he added this was new territory for him and this was the first time he had gone out with another woman. He finished his statement with “You should be flattered, I never do this.” I wanted to tap him real good in the jaw as he sat across from me all smug, but seemingly sincere.

 

I told him that I was in no way flattered by his attention because he wasn’t available. His attention did the exact opposite it made me feel uncomfortable. We also talked about whether he was happy. My advice for any person in a relationship, if you aren’t happy leave, but if you are happy stay true and faithful. He wasn’t unhappy, so in my mind he was just greedy and selfish. I know that I shouldn’t have sat and talked to him after he told me he was married. I just wanted to understand the mindset, but none of what we discussed helped me understand. Plus I was further irritated when he mentioned that he thought we could be friends. What was strange is that nothing about him seemed slimy, trifling or fraudulent. But the devil never comes in a hideous disguise, he is always pleasing to the ears and easy on the eyes. Since I don’t want to go to hell, I told him we couldn’t be friends.