See, It’s complicated…

Today, I am in a place that I have not been in a very long time. Confused Confusion. Basically, confused beyond my regular normal level of confusion.

There are people that tell me I am a natural flirt. I believe I am friendly. It can be confused as interest, when I am merely being nice or cordial. Don’t get me wrong I do flirt, and most recently by text and email. I exchanged information last week with a guy that was so super tight he made me blush for our entire conversation. My cheeks were HOT to the touch when he walked away. We talk on the phone, but the flirting goes down over text and email every day. Today I dropped by the post office to mail off a package and ran into a childhood buddy while addressing the label. After the hellos and howdoyoudos, she introduced me to the woman with her. Her friend greeted me warmly. Then my friend turns to me, “I believe you met her husband at the event last Thursday.”

“Oh really,” and I turn to her friend, “what’s his name?”

“John*, John Williams*.” Oh. I thought to myself that’s a distinct name and the one and only John Williams that I met at the event last Thursday.

“Ah, yes. I did indeed meet your husband.” I smiled, but I was thinking John Williams* is this woman’s husband? I have been flirting with and talking to this woman’s husband? I stood there while the two previous sentences processed in my head. Not once with all our communication did he mention her. I am certain he told me was not married. I am supposed to have dinner with her husband this evening. Hmmm.

I am adding facebook to it’s the devil status. Although today I should view facebook as a saint. I learned a guy I have gone out with on four separate occasions is in a relationship. At least that is what it indicates on his facebook page. So I chose to confront him with the information.

“Your facebook page says you are in a relationship with [Insert Girl Name].“



“The relationship status on your facebook page says you have a girlfriend.”


“But I didn’t friend you?!?”

“Irrelevant Detail. I am looking at your page right now.”

“What??? Are you stalking me now?”

I cover my hand with my mouth to hold back an astonished gasp. “Your dream would be for me to stalk you. Good Bye.”

My cell immediately rings and guess who it is? Him. I reject his call. He calls again. This time I just let it ring. He leaves a voicemail. Then I get a text message from guess who? Him. Asking me to call him. Then he calls me again. Is there anything more to say after you have accused someone of stalking? I don’t think so. You wouldn’t want to give the stalker any ammunition to continue the stalking, right?

I received a call from an old acquaintance in town on business that wants to get together. I know that I should have told him I was busy and just caught up with him over the phone, but I enjoy his company. I also no longer have dinner plans. I agree to meet him for drinks and dinner. We are enjoying ourselves when a young woman walks over to our table. “Hi Dixon*, funny running into you like this. [Insert Girl Name], remember her, your girlfriend, she wants to talk to you.” And she holds her cell out in front of him. Now, I am sitting on his lap. He gives her a look that says “Really? You are doing this, why?” I understand girl. She is protecting her friend and feels the need to let him know that she KNOWS and she SEES him looking very suspect when he is supposed to be her girl’s man. Oh and not only does she know and see him, but she has passed the information on to her girl. Who is now waiting on the other end of her cell. I do believe she should have handled it differently. I have no problem with her telling her friend or making her presence known by coming over to the table so that he knows he needs to tell his girl he was out with another girl before she does. However, rolling over to the table and basically demanding that he talk to his girlfriend is a bit much. We are not in highschool. I remind myself that I am sitting on his lap and that probably sent her over the edge. Then she eyes me like I knew he was taken and I am doing something wrong. I want to say something, but I decide to remain silent especially since I am sitting on his lap and anything I say will be sent over the waves and heard by the girlfriend waiting at the other end of the line. I want to spare her further embarrassment. No woman wants to get a call from her friend that goes along the lines of “Gurl you will never believe who I see all boo’ed up with some gurl that ain’t you.” Although there is nothing going on between us and we are merely old acquaintance, if he has a girl our meeting IS inappropriate. He takes the cell, “Hello [Insert Girl Name], I will call you later.” Click. He hands the cell back to girl who looks astonished that he has the audacity not to explain himself to her and his girlfriend. He reaches into his pocket and drops bills on the table, stands up and places me on the ground next to him, then tells me we need to go and grabs my hand. I look back, girl’s mouth is a big O. I feel his hand pulling me and guiding me out of the restaurant. I leave the place like I am on the back of a pick-up truck, going forward backwards.

All three events happened today. What’s up universe?

John Williams* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

Dixon* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

You can marry well if you apply yourself…

Yesterday I caught the bouquet at a wedding. I don’t think I have ever been so motivated to catch a bouquet, or really anything for that matter. When I walked to the floor I thought participating in this wedding custom goes against every feminist bone in my body. Yet, I moved quickly to get a prime spot and I even stretched a bit. I am not competitive, but I went out there determined to catch the bouquet. I think I secretly believed that it might increase my chances of getting hitched. I have mixed views about marriage. I think marriage is great for men he gets a built in cook, maid, care-giver, cheerleader, event planner and baby-maker. I know it’s not that simple and all women don’t cater to their husbands, some even have sensitive husbands who are equally involved, but for the most part I feel women get the short end of the stick in marriage. Why was I so anxious to catch the bouquet?


Three things happened earlier in the week.


A friend, and I use that term very loosely because 99.9999% of the time he is unfriendly, mentioned that being unattached at 25 plus was an issue and wished me good luck in finding someone. I never thought that being single in my 20’s was a problem, maybe if I was 36 that statement might have been more appropriate and understandable. However, it stung and it made me anxious about my prospects.


I ran into a highschool acquaintance while grocery shopping. She was all beaming smiles and belly since she was pregnant with her second child. She asked if I was married and I replied that I was not. She looked at me very oddly, almost as if she wanted to say “poor girl”, but instead she said “Why not? What’s the problem? You are so pretty.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I asked her when she was due. She gave me the due date, then pulled out her wallet and gave me her card. She instructed me to call her because she had someone she wanted to introduce me to. As she waddled away, I thought does she feel sorry for me and think that I need her match making assistance because I don’t have a husband? Obviously.


I stopped by my aunt’s house to pick up a package. I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when my uncle walked into the kitchen. He picked up my left hand, peered at it and then shook his head. I was confused as to why he was shaking his head so I said “What?”

“Ursala, you know you could marry well if you applied yourself.” He said it so matter of factly as if it was something that I had been unaware of all my life and needed to be told. Almost as if this knowledge would save me from becoming an old-maid.


All these incidents got me to thinking about my prospects. I have never been focused on marriage. It’s never been at the top of my to do list. I just believe that when and if it is my time things will align themselves and it will happen. However, I couldn’t help thinking what if I missed out on something significant. What if I neglected to develop a relationship with my ideal mate? What if I summarily dismissed a suitor who would have been the perfect companion? What if I blew off some stranger who could have brought me sublime marital bliss? My general response has always been if I missed it then it wasn’t meant for me. Any other time that concept would have been acceptable, but some how it didn’t provide me any comfort. I almost felt like I had failed some adult test that proved I was responsible and able to commit. I have never felt insecure about the decisions I have made in my life, but suddenly I felt like maybe my priorities were all out of order.


When I caught the bouquet I felt relieved that maybe I had taken the first step. Since I took some initiative to catch that bouquet I hope that fate smiles on me and sends someone my way. I guess.