All my single ladies put your hands up…

I love to see happy, well functioning couples that love each other. I’m not one of those sappy love the idea of being in love ladies, but I’m all for people finding a companion. I have reached the coupling-age and an increasing number of my friends are making co-habitation plans or getting hitched. This leads me to today’s post. And it is possible that I have written about this before, but to engaged and married women please don’t forget the single lady struggle. I’m not saying dwell on it everyday, but don’t mistreat your single girlfriends now that you are all married, fianced and boo’ed up. I’m going to give you examples of some actions you may want to avoid so you don’t piss off your single girlfriends. 

Don’t try to tell me….
This is by far the most annoying thing that ladies who are married or almost married love to do, tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship or search for a man. I do seek and heed advice. I try to avoid unnecessary chaos and grief in my life if I can help it. If listening to your cautionary tale or advice can help me avoid misery I will take it. However, that should not be confused with being given unsolicited advice on why I don’t have a man or a ring. Especially if that advice is given while you appear to be looking down your nose at me, and I remember last week before you had that engagement rock, you were asking if I could come with you to ride by his house or help you come up with names of super heroes cause you were trying to figure out the pass code for his gmail account. You have been successful in finding a mate and you get a gold star, but that doesn’t make you an expert on finding a man. You simply found the right one for you.

Don’t deny me my plus one…

I understand that weddings are expensive. Most of the expense is the dress and providing food and beverages at the reception. If you have invited me to your wedding and you allowed me a plus one on the invitation, you can’t take it back because your budget and guest list keeps growing. Contrary to popular belief there is a shortage of single eligible bachelors at weddings. Generally all the bachelors are either ring bearers (they may be adorbale and cuddly but they are under-age) or old uncles that recently had hip replacement surgery or fall asleep as soon as they sit down. I want a date at a wedding if I can help it. You also can’t deny me my plus one because you have never met the guy and don’t consider him to be someone of importance worthy enough to attend your wedding. It doesn’t matter if I have only known him for 24 hours prior to your wedding. If he has made me happy in those 24 hours you should be happy for me. You got a man so stop hating.

Don’t go all bridezilla on me…

I’m sure everyone has seen the show bridezilla or you may have your very own bridezilla story of how your sweet, soon to be married girlfriend flipped out on you, hit you, cursed you, screamed on you, demanded unreasonableness out of you, caught some unnecessary attitude with you and expected you to just take it like a man (completely forgetting you are a woman and have feelings). I don’t think any more explanation or details are necessary for this example. Just remember your wedding day is only about 6 maybe 8 hours long and the ugliness you dish out may not be forgotten in that amount of time.

Don’t have me looking suspect…

I think brides-to-be really need to think through and analyze the sizes, shapes and shades of their wedding party before picking wedding colors and dresses. I know it’s your day and you want to be the belle of the ball, but I don’t have to look ridiculous so you can shine. Ugly dresses used to fold nicely and neatly into closets and pictures used to sit in boxes, photo albums or in cameras, but now there’s this evil thing called facebook. That means that ugly orange dress you said was coral, that gave me birthing baby hips, will be viewed by people who weren’t even at the wedding. You can stop that from happening by being a good friend and picking a universally flattering dress shape, in a flattering color.   

I think the above tips should keep the love flowing between the have man and the have man nots and save friendships.

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You can marry well if you apply yourself…

Yesterday I caught the bouquet at a wedding. I don’t think I have ever been so motivated to catch a bouquet, or really anything for that matter. When I walked to the floor I thought participating in this wedding custom goes against every feminist bone in my body. Yet, I moved quickly to get a prime spot and I even stretched a bit. I am not competitive, but I went out there determined to catch the bouquet. I think I secretly believed that it might increase my chances of getting hitched. I have mixed views about marriage. I think marriage is great for men he gets a built in cook, maid, care-giver, cheerleader, event planner and baby-maker. I know it’s not that simple and all women don’t cater to their husbands, some even have sensitive husbands who are equally involved, but for the most part I feel women get the short end of the stick in marriage. Why was I so anxious to catch the bouquet?

 

Three things happened earlier in the week.

 

A friend, and I use that term very loosely because 99.9999% of the time he is unfriendly, mentioned that being unattached at 25 plus was an issue and wished me good luck in finding someone. I never thought that being single in my 20’s was a problem, maybe if I was 36 that statement might have been more appropriate and understandable. However, it stung and it made me anxious about my prospects.

 

I ran into a highschool acquaintance while grocery shopping. She was all beaming smiles and belly since she was pregnant with her second child. She asked if I was married and I replied that I was not. She looked at me very oddly, almost as if she wanted to say “poor girl”, but instead she said “Why not? What’s the problem? You are so pretty.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I asked her when she was due. She gave me the due date, then pulled out her wallet and gave me her card. She instructed me to call her because she had someone she wanted to introduce me to. As she waddled away, I thought does she feel sorry for me and think that I need her match making assistance because I don’t have a husband? Obviously.

 

I stopped by my aunt’s house to pick up a package. I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when my uncle walked into the kitchen. He picked up my left hand, peered at it and then shook his head. I was confused as to why he was shaking his head so I said “What?”

“Ursala, you know you could marry well if you applied yourself.” He said it so matter of factly as if it was something that I had been unaware of all my life and needed to be told. Almost as if this knowledge would save me from becoming an old-maid.

 

All these incidents got me to thinking about my prospects. I have never been focused on marriage. It’s never been at the top of my to do list. I just believe that when and if it is my time things will align themselves and it will happen. However, I couldn’t help thinking what if I missed out on something significant. What if I neglected to develop a relationship with my ideal mate? What if I summarily dismissed a suitor who would have been the perfect companion? What if I blew off some stranger who could have brought me sublime marital bliss? My general response has always been if I missed it then it wasn’t meant for me. Any other time that concept would have been acceptable, but some how it didn’t provide me any comfort. I almost felt like I had failed some adult test that proved I was responsible and able to commit. I have never felt insecure about the decisions I have made in my life, but suddenly I felt like maybe my priorities were all out of order.

 

When I caught the bouquet I felt relieved that maybe I had taken the first step. Since I took some initiative to catch that bouquet I hope that fate smiles on me and sends someone my way. I guess.