Is that you God? It’s me UK…

I’m sitting on my couch in the dark. I can’t believe it, but it’s snowing outside.  Looks just like a snow globe. Beautiful. This abnormal weather has affected my electricity. My power always seems to go out during storms and I guess this fluffy snow qualifies as a storm. It’s been about two hours since my lights flickered on and off and then everything went out. I know Ga.P is working on it. Whenever anything happens in my neighborhood the clean up and repair happens quickly. However, they aren’t working fast enough for me.

I have some where to be in about an hour and a half and it doesn’t seem like my power wants to cooperate. I’m going to a sporting event and I would like to be presentable, not unironed and disheveled looking. The ideal is to be freshly showered, powedered, rouged, perfumed and perfectly primped. I have one option that is convenient. It’s close proximity will allow me exactly enough time to get over there and get ready with time to spare. It is a bad option, but it is an option and I think today is the day to exercise it.

My option stays right up the street from me, about four minutes away. I’m quite positive his power is on. The question: Is he home? The second question: Will he let me use his home to get ready? I know that I shouldn’t reach out to him, but my mind immediately went to him about midtext to my girl that I would  be late to the game. I stopped, I thought wait I can go right up the street. That in itself is a problem because I truly despise myself whenever I talk to him and for very good reason. He’s a whore and he is selfish, need I say more. 

I haven’t thought of him since the day after christmas, when he texted me a belated Merry Christmas. Anybody’s birthday you can easily forget, but baby Jesus? Who forgets that? He is such an @$$ #@!%, but those are the one’s I generally find the most endearing simply because they keep things interesting and entertaining. Plus he is so conveneint, I could walk to his house if necessary.

I got up to put my clothes and toiletries in my travel bag. Pretty presumptuous, I know. I know he will let me come come over. I picked up my cell phone to call him, a text would not do in this situation. I flipped my phone open and toggled to his name. Before I could press the call button, the lights flickered back on, as well as the heat and tv. I put the phone down. A sign from God? I am going with Yes. Most Definitely. He saved me from no electricity dialing. Thank you! Good looking out.

God-Forsaken Hours…

During each day, there are unacceptable hours to accept calls from new suitors. I think one must establish a foot-hold on a new island to call after dusk, but one must capture the island to call after eleven.  Anytime before 11:00 pm is okay, if you call me at 10:59 pm then we are cool, but if you call at 11:00 pm we are going to have a problem.


I am not exactly sure how I arrived at 11:00 pm. No, I know. When I was a child 11:00 pm meant the news was coming on and it was too late for me to be up. If I was still up and around my Granny was not happy. I could be sitting on the couch with her at 10:55 pm, all hugs and giggles, but at 10:59 pm I had better be climbing into bed because the moment clock struck 11 it would be what are you doing up at this God-forsaken hour. When I was really little I thought something terrible happened to children after 11:00 pm.  Childhood is where the association started, and it would be hard to reverse my Granny’s training now. So whenever someone new calls me at 11:00 pm I almost snarl at the phone. Now there are slightly different rules on the weekend, I’m a little more lenient, I extend a five minute grace period until 11:05 pm.


Unfortunately there are some men who only want to talk late at night. I can’t do it. I will only make exceptions for individuals who get off their job at 11:00 pm. Funny that I have never met an individual who qualifies. So everyone had better call me during good Christian hours. However, with people working longer hours and having after work commitments, it is reasonable for someone to get home around 10:00 pm, get settled and then call after 11:00 pm. This is the situation that I currently find myself in. I have a really nice guy that I want to get to know better, but he won’t call til after 11:00 pm. Based on his conversations during the day it seems as if he is extremely busy after work and calls me when he has a moment to catch his breath. Since I won’t answer the phone when he calls he thinks I can’t hang and go to bed early. I haven’t told him that I gawk at the phone when he calls. I’m not sure if this is immature to keep this information from him, but I know he knows that he can’t call me that late.


I have attempted to help him see the light. I will call at 8 or 9 pm. I have even called at 10:45 pm, but it never works and I’m surprised he hasn’t caught the hint. Why can’t we have a conversation at say nine, why must he always call when I am most likely exhausted, sleepy, tired and prone to mutterings of nonsense? Plus 11:00 pm and later is reserved for your man or for your friend that acts as your man, I will call him the place holder since he is merely standing in until you get a real man. While typing that I realized that I need to stop spending time with the stand in, that’s time that could be used cultivating a relationship with a real man, but I digress. As a new suitor, doesn’t he know that he shouldn’t call that late? So it upsets me to no end that he thinks it is acceptable to call me at God-Forsaken hours and he expects to have a conversation.