While eating dinner with my Mother and Granny the topic of favorites came up.
My Granny mentioned that all her children think that she loves her grandchildren more. I said “Of course Granny, cause you do! How can you help yourself we are your grandbabies? We are so much fun and cute as buttons.” I think it is only natural for this to be the case, it’s what nature intended. I mean geesh you have to raise your own children and put up with all of their bs, but with grandchildren it is different. The grands can come over so you can spoil them and when they start to raise hell you can pack them up and send them back to their folks. You are not responsible for ensuring that they turn out to be high-functioning citizens. Sure you can help, but the buck does not stop on the grandparent.
My grandmother was all kindness and sweetness when she responded to this accusation, especially since my mother was sitting right there, she said “No, I love all my children and grandchildren equally. I love each one differently, but I love each and every one of them the same. There are no favorites.” I don’t ever roll eyes in front of my Granny, but if there ever was a time to do so, this was it. So I just said “Granny are you serious? You don’t have to tell us your favorite, but you know you have a favorite. At least admit that there is one child or grandchild that you love just a little bit more than the rest.” Then my Mother chimes in “Mothers love all their children equally, there is no place for a favorite. You grow a heart for each child, I love all my children for their uniqueness and each makes me smile.” Again I want to roll my eyes due to all this Hallmark greeting card sentiment but instead I said “So you are telling me Mothers don’t have favorites? Okay well maybe our family is the exception because I know there are Mothers out there who like one of their offspring more than the rest. For example, Mother I know hands down my little sister is your favorite.” My grandmother frowned and said “Well she thinks you are the favorite. But why do you care? As long as you feel loved, why are you even concerned about whether there is a favorite?” Then my mother said “Plus UK you don’t have any children so you don’t understand a mother’s love.” Leave it to my mother to put limitations on my ability to understand, but I just am not buying it! Favorite children do exist!
True. I do not have any children, and I am not certain that I will. A child is a toss up for me, it really depends on what day you catch me. One day I want one, the next seven I don’t. Those buggers are complicated and require so much. I am not sure that I could handle the pressure and responsibility. I also think about mothers who curse at their children, don’t keep them clean and neat looking (hair and nails included), use them to manipulate people and don’t nurture and encourage them to develop their talents. I don’t think I would do any of these things, but I don’t think any mother starts off thinking I am going to be a bad mother it just happens. Anyway back to the point…I don’t think that by not having a child I can not understand the relationship between a mother and child. I may not be able to understand the emotional bond, but I understand human relationships.
Like anything in life there are favorites. A favorite food, drink, book, store, shoe, lipgloss, purse, tv show, jogging trail, etc. I do realize that children aren’t things, but I have favorite people. So why would this not extend to my children? It seems entirely logical to me that I would have a favorite child. Even if I try to avoid singling one out, I am certain that their might be one that I get along with and understand better. Things or People become your favorite because of the way that the Object or Person makes you feel. The emotions good or bad that are derived from simply interacting determine what value you place on them. I have beloveds. I have people I love, but can’t stand, but I will cut a b!tch for them. I also have people that I like, but certainly don’t love. As well as people that I despise and neither love or like. We pick who want to be around, but you can’t pick your family members. You are stuck with them. Thus a favorite is born, the one you enjoy just a little or a LOT more than the others.
I don’t think we have absolute control over what people become our favorites, since in my mind it’s based on chemistry and a connection. There are people that you are drawn to more than others. They just make you happy and you like being around them. I honestly believe that both my Mother and Granny have a favorite. I just think they are frightened that by saying favorite it’s means to the detriment and neglect of the other children. I don’t think that is the case. I think mother’s have the capacity to make everyone feel wanted and loved and cared for. I mean despite my mother favoring my sister, I have never felt bad or hurt about it. Neither one would admit to it, but my gut tells me they were both lying. My simple solution to avoid having to deny that I have a favorite is to have one child.
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