See, It’s complicated…

Today, I am in a place that I have not been in a very long time. Confused Confusion. Basically, confused beyond my regular normal level of confusion.

There are people that tell me I am a natural flirt. I believe I am friendly. It can be confused as interest, when I am merely being nice or cordial. Don’t get me wrong I do flirt, and most recently by text and email. I exchanged information last week with a guy that was so super tight he made me blush for our entire conversation. My cheeks were HOT to the touch when he walked away. We talk on the phone, but the flirting goes down over text and email every day. Today I dropped by the post office to mail off a package and ran into a childhood buddy while addressing the label. After the hellos and howdoyoudos, she introduced me to the woman with her. Her friend greeted me warmly. Then my friend turns to me, “I believe you met her husband at the event last Thursday.”

“Oh really,” and I turn to her friend, “what’s his name?”

“John*, John Williams*.” Oh. I thought to myself that’s a distinct name and the one and only John Williams that I met at the event last Thursday.

“Ah, yes. I did indeed meet your husband.” I smiled, but I was thinking John Williams* is this woman’s husband? I have been flirting with and talking to this woman’s husband? I stood there while the two previous sentences processed in my head. Not once with all our communication did he mention her. I am certain he told me was not married. I am supposed to have dinner with her husband this evening. Hmmm.

I am adding facebook to it’s the devil status. Although today I should view facebook as a saint. I learned a guy I have gone out with on four separate occasions is in a relationship. At least that is what it indicates on his facebook page. So I chose to confront him with the information.

“Your facebook page says you are in a relationship with [Insert Girl Name].“

Silence.

“Huh?”

“The relationship status on your facebook page says you have a girlfriend.”

Silence

“But I didn’t friend you?!?”

“Irrelevant Detail. I am looking at your page right now.”

“What??? Are you stalking me now?”

I cover my hand with my mouth to hold back an astonished gasp. “Your dream would be for me to stalk you. Good Bye.”

My cell immediately rings and guess who it is? Him. I reject his call. He calls again. This time I just let it ring. He leaves a voicemail. Then I get a text message from guess who? Him. Asking me to call him. Then he calls me again. Is there anything more to say after you have accused someone of stalking? I don’t think so. You wouldn’t want to give the stalker any ammunition to continue the stalking, right?

I received a call from an old acquaintance in town on business that wants to get together. I know that I should have told him I was busy and just caught up with him over the phone, but I enjoy his company. I also no longer have dinner plans. I agree to meet him for drinks and dinner. We are enjoying ourselves when a young woman walks over to our table. “Hi Dixon*, funny running into you like this. [Insert Girl Name], remember her, your girlfriend, she wants to talk to you.” And she holds her cell out in front of him. Now, I am sitting on his lap. He gives her a look that says “Really? You are doing this, why?” I understand girl. She is protecting her friend and feels the need to let him know that she KNOWS and she SEES him looking very suspect when he is supposed to be her girl’s man. Oh and not only does she know and see him, but she has passed the information on to her girl. Who is now waiting on the other end of her cell. I do believe she should have handled it differently. I have no problem with her telling her friend or making her presence known by coming over to the table so that he knows he needs to tell his girl he was out with another girl before she does. However, rolling over to the table and basically demanding that he talk to his girlfriend is a bit much. We are not in highschool. I remind myself that I am sitting on his lap and that probably sent her over the edge. Then she eyes me like I knew he was taken and I am doing something wrong. I want to say something, but I decide to remain silent especially since I am sitting on his lap and anything I say will be sent over the waves and heard by the girlfriend waiting at the other end of the line. I want to spare her further embarrassment. No woman wants to get a call from her friend that goes along the lines of “Gurl you will never believe who I see all boo’ed up with some gurl that ain’t you.” Although there is nothing going on between us and we are merely old acquaintance, if he has a girl our meeting IS inappropriate. He takes the cell, “Hello [Insert Girl Name], I will call you later.” Click. He hands the cell back to girl who looks astonished that he has the audacity not to explain himself to her and his girlfriend. He reaches into his pocket and drops bills on the table, stands up and places me on the ground next to him, then tells me we need to go and grabs my hand. I look back, girl’s mouth is a big O. I feel his hand pulling me and guiding me out of the restaurant. I leave the place like I am on the back of a pick-up truck, going forward backwards.

All three events happened today. What’s up universe?

John Williams* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

Dixon* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

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All my single ladies put your hands up…

I love to see happy, well functioning couples that love each other. I’m not one of those sappy love the idea of being in love ladies, but I’m all for people finding a companion. I have reached the coupling-age and an increasing number of my friends are making co-habitation plans or getting hitched. This leads me to today’s post. And it is possible that I have written about this before, but to engaged and married women please don’t forget the single lady struggle. I’m not saying dwell on it everyday, but don’t mistreat your single girlfriends now that you are all married, fianced and boo’ed up. I’m going to give you examples of some actions you may want to avoid so you don’t piss off your single girlfriends. 

Don’t try to tell me….
This is by far the most annoying thing that ladies who are married or almost married love to do, tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship or search for a man. I do seek and heed advice. I try to avoid unnecessary chaos and grief in my life if I can help it. If listening to your cautionary tale or advice can help me avoid misery I will take it. However, that should not be confused with being given unsolicited advice on why I don’t have a man or a ring. Especially if that advice is given while you appear to be looking down your nose at me, and I remember last week before you had that engagement rock, you were asking if I could come with you to ride by his house or help you come up with names of super heroes cause you were trying to figure out the pass code for his gmail account. You have been successful in finding a mate and you get a gold star, but that doesn’t make you an expert on finding a man. You simply found the right one for you.

Don’t deny me my plus one…

I understand that weddings are expensive. Most of the expense is the dress and providing food and beverages at the reception. If you have invited me to your wedding and you allowed me a plus one on the invitation, you can’t take it back because your budget and guest list keeps growing. Contrary to popular belief there is a shortage of single eligible bachelors at weddings. Generally all the bachelors are either ring bearers (they may be adorbale and cuddly but they are under-age) or old uncles that recently had hip replacement surgery or fall asleep as soon as they sit down. I want a date at a wedding if I can help it. You also can’t deny me my plus one because you have never met the guy and don’t consider him to be someone of importance worthy enough to attend your wedding. It doesn’t matter if I have only known him for 24 hours prior to your wedding. If he has made me happy in those 24 hours you should be happy for me. You got a man so stop hating.

Don’t go all bridezilla on me…

I’m sure everyone has seen the show bridezilla or you may have your very own bridezilla story of how your sweet, soon to be married girlfriend flipped out on you, hit you, cursed you, screamed on you, demanded unreasonableness out of you, caught some unnecessary attitude with you and expected you to just take it like a man (completely forgetting you are a woman and have feelings). I don’t think any more explanation or details are necessary for this example. Just remember your wedding day is only about 6 maybe 8 hours long and the ugliness you dish out may not be forgotten in that amount of time.

Don’t have me looking suspect…

I think brides-to-be really need to think through and analyze the sizes, shapes and shades of their wedding party before picking wedding colors and dresses. I know it’s your day and you want to be the belle of the ball, but I don’t have to look ridiculous so you can shine. Ugly dresses used to fold nicely and neatly into closets and pictures used to sit in boxes, photo albums or in cameras, but now there’s this evil thing called facebook. That means that ugly orange dress you said was coral, that gave me birthing baby hips, will be viewed by people who weren’t even at the wedding. You can stop that from happening by being a good friend and picking a universally flattering dress shape, in a flattering color.   

I think the above tips should keep the love flowing between the have man and the have man nots and save friendships.

What is the protocol…

Today while surfing the waves on the world wide web I stumbled across some interesting, but d@mning information. I heart facebook, but on today I think it’s the devil. Well maybe in a good way, but the devil none the less.

 

I reconnected with an old childhood friend via facebook. He sent a friend request and I was happy to confirm him. He sent me the customary what’s up and how you doing note. We sent notes back and forth for a few weeks catching up and reminiscing. One day while I was online he im’ed me and asked me to dinner. I said sure just let me know when. He inquired what I was doing that evening, but I was busy so we settled on going out the following Tuesday. We met at 6 and didn’t leave til 11:30 when the restaurant kicked us out because they were closing.

 

Since our dinner, we’ve had lunches, brunch, more dinners, went to the bookstore, went to mood music, to target and hallmark to pick out birthday cards, basically “kicked it”. There have been no discussions about anything serious and I’m totally fine with this. He’s a cool friend, different from a girlfriend because occasionally he puts his arm on my shoulder or I hold his arm. There are no titles. It’s light and free. I don’t even know what title I would give him or that he deserves anything more than buddy.

 

Last night he came over. We talked, played boggle, watched Toddlers and Tiaras and the Real Housewives of New York. When he left we did our customary hug and kiss. The kiss can be described as a three second peck on the mouth or forehead. We aren’t tongueing each other down, but he doesn’t kiss me on my cheek like his grandma. Last night he kissed me on the mouth.

 

I like to click on my friends then scroll through the status updates. His caught my attention so I went to his page. I’ve only been on his page maybe two other times. I’m scrolling down the page when I see something very interesting. His relationship status has changed. It says in a relationship. Hmmm? When I initially checked out his page and on my other visits his status was single. Hmmm? Are we together? Not likely.

 

I dig deeper into the page for clues. Most of his comments are from guys and the one’s from girls we know mutually and aren’t available. His last two status updates have brought a large number of comments, but nothing in relation to what I’m looking for. He’s been tagged in some photos so I decide to peruse. The first set of pics are from a conference he attended. Boring. The second set of pictures are from a house party. Just lots of people posing. Nothing. I look at the page again. Hmmm? I scroll back down to the bottom of the screen and click to see additional comments. The first thing on the page are more tagged photos. I click the set that look like they are from a birthday party. Aah and the plot quickly thickens! He is in what I like to call a couple photo with a girl, no one but them smiling, heads tilted together and looking happy. What’s more is that people have commented on the pic. The first comment says “Awww what a cute couple!!! Invite me to the wedding.” The last comment says “You guys are so cute together, but you make me want to gag.” Hmmm.  

 

I do long for the good old days! Before you had to wait for the grapevine to get back to you on details of a relationship or a man to be honest, but what do I do with this instaneous information regarding his relationship status?

 

My first question is when did his status change? Did his status change this morning to in a relationship? The pictures are from this past Saturday, so even if he declared his love this morning, the pictures paint a ‘he was booed up over the weekend’ scenario. Hmmm. That is a bad question because when it occurred doesn’t matter. What was his in a relationship self doing at my house last night. I’m upset, not so much about our situation, but why he would be laid up on my couch with his head on my hip if he has a girl? Our involvement is very innocent, but I do think kissing me on the mouth and lounging on me are inappropriate if he has a lady. My second question is why didn’t he tell me? We have had discussions about the perfect lady and what he wanted, so why didn’t he tell me he met her? And decided to be with her?

 

I want to leave a comment about our evening, but that seems so childish. I’m grown and whatever is to be said, I should say directly to him. Plus I’m not good at the sly innuendo nor at being coquettish in written short form. However, I feel bad. Am I home wrecker, mistress? I know the answer is No, but this situation is ridiculous. How old are we? Really, Is he serious? I have some words for him, but then I am not sure exactly what words those should be. We aren’t together so those words shouldn’t start with “how could you” or “Harpo, who dis woman?” Do I say something? Hmmm. Should I just let it go and let the silence be my I am not participating in foolishness, now go live happily ever after response? Is whatever explanation he has going to be sufficient or make me feel better? Probably not.

 

Still I don’t know what to do in this situation. What is the protocol when you discover information via facebook?

 

Facebook is the devil!

The Digits by request…

I have zero problems meeting people but I like being introduced to people. This way you have some background information on them and they aren’t total strangers. Plus people generally fix you up with people you wouldn’t come across on your own or probably wouldn’t even give the time of day to under normal circumstances. Since I haven’t successfully found a guy, I am not sure that I am the best judge of character. Recently I have been meeting some real pieces of work. So I am very open to the suggestions of others. When socializing by referral, I think its best to meet people in a group setting that way there is no pressure. If they like what they see and hear both parties can decide to exchange information. This is fair for both parties and if it’s a complete bust no one’s feelings are hurt or bruised.

 

This was the set up a year and a half ago. I went with a friend to an event and briefly met a guy she wanted to introduce me to. What’s funny is that I realized I had met him before. We talked for less than maybe three minutes and then we had to get to our seats. My friend asked if I was interested and minded if he called. I like meeting new people…actually I don’t like the process but I do like new ideas that new people bring. Physically he was so my type and that’s the basis of initial interest so I gave my friend the thumbs up. We had two conversations. First conversation went well. Second conversation was a waste of my time.

 

My thing is that I like guys who are unavailable, either by circumstance or distance. It’s what I attract, what I specialize in. I can meet ten guys in one evening. Nine out of ten of them will be emotionally available and geographically desireable, but I will inevitably pick the one who just got out of a five year relationship and lives in Fiji. Our first conversation was fun and flirty, but no real substance. Second conversation we started talking about important things such as occupation and lifestyle. This conversation established that he lived in a nother city, of course, I almost expected it. Our conversation was speeding along at a steady pace until he metioned that he had kids and multiple baby mamas. WTH? I was in a definite hell no to kids phase, so I distinctly remember shutting down and thinking how I could end the conversation as quickly as possible. Then he did something really strange. He said he was just kidding about the kids and baby mamas. He just wanted to see how I was going to react. WTH! Excuse me? I was even more turned off. Who lies about children? Plus I hate when people purposefully do things to get a reaction. I am not your average lady, so nine out of ten times you will not get the reaction you expected. I will most likely come out of left field on you. Trust me on this. Since I didn’t get his strange sense of humor that was the last conversation we had.

 

We never spoke again until I rolled into a bar to watch a football game with a group of friends. We ended up seated at the same table . We were soon engaged in a lively conversation about why I hadn’t accepted him as a friend on facebook. My explanation we had no friends in common and I didn’t recognize his name or picture. We all had a rolling good time and promised to get together again real soon.

 

I am on my way home and I get a text from my girl. Basically he wants to know if he can get my number.

 

Now I’m thinking wait do I give him my number. That evening he seemed cool but I kept thinking about our previous conversation with the kid nonsense. I thought maybe he has matured, but then I was like wait hold up he has my number….or at least he should. In this age of cell phones, numbers aren’t generally deleted unless you lose a cell. So did he delete me? And if he deleted me should I even give him my number again? However, what most intrigued me was why he didn’t just ask for my number before I left. Maybe the facebook thing caused confusion, but still why didn’t he just ask for my number HIMSELF? Hmmmm

 

So now I don’t know whether I should give him my number. Decisions….decisions…