All my single ladies put your hands up…

I love to see happy, well functioning couples that love each other. I’m not one of those sappy love the idea of being in love ladies, but I’m all for people finding a companion. I have reached the coupling-age and an increasing number of my friends are making co-habitation plans or getting hitched. This leads me to today’s post. And it is possible that I have written about this before, but to engaged and married women please don’t forget the single lady struggle. I’m not saying dwell on it everyday, but don’t mistreat your single girlfriends now that you are all married, fianced and boo’ed up. I’m going to give you examples of some actions you may want to avoid so you don’t piss off your single girlfriends. 

Don’t try to tell me….
This is by far the most annoying thing that ladies who are married or almost married love to do, tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship or search for a man. I do seek and heed advice. I try to avoid unnecessary chaos and grief in my life if I can help it. If listening to your cautionary tale or advice can help me avoid misery I will take it. However, that should not be confused with being given unsolicited advice on why I don’t have a man or a ring. Especially if that advice is given while you appear to be looking down your nose at me, and I remember last week before you had that engagement rock, you were asking if I could come with you to ride by his house or help you come up with names of super heroes cause you were trying to figure out the pass code for his gmail account. You have been successful in finding a mate and you get a gold star, but that doesn’t make you an expert on finding a man. You simply found the right one for you.

Don’t deny me my plus one…

I understand that weddings are expensive. Most of the expense is the dress and providing food and beverages at the reception. If you have invited me to your wedding and you allowed me a plus one on the invitation, you can’t take it back because your budget and guest list keeps growing. Contrary to popular belief there is a shortage of single eligible bachelors at weddings. Generally all the bachelors are either ring bearers (they may be adorbale and cuddly but they are under-age) or old uncles that recently had hip replacement surgery or fall asleep as soon as they sit down. I want a date at a wedding if I can help it. You also can’t deny me my plus one because you have never met the guy and don’t consider him to be someone of importance worthy enough to attend your wedding. It doesn’t matter if I have only known him for 24 hours prior to your wedding. If he has made me happy in those 24 hours you should be happy for me. You got a man so stop hating.

Don’t go all bridezilla on me…

I’m sure everyone has seen the show bridezilla or you may have your very own bridezilla story of how your sweet, soon to be married girlfriend flipped out on you, hit you, cursed you, screamed on you, demanded unreasonableness out of you, caught some unnecessary attitude with you and expected you to just take it like a man (completely forgetting you are a woman and have feelings). I don’t think any more explanation or details are necessary for this example. Just remember your wedding day is only about 6 maybe 8 hours long and the ugliness you dish out may not be forgotten in that amount of time.

Don’t have me looking suspect…

I think brides-to-be really need to think through and analyze the sizes, shapes and shades of their wedding party before picking wedding colors and dresses. I know it’s your day and you want to be the belle of the ball, but I don’t have to look ridiculous so you can shine. Ugly dresses used to fold nicely and neatly into closets and pictures used to sit in boxes, photo albums or in cameras, but now there’s this evil thing called facebook. That means that ugly orange dress you said was coral, that gave me birthing baby hips, will be viewed by people who weren’t even at the wedding. You can stop that from happening by being a good friend and picking a universally flattering dress shape, in a flattering color.   

I think the above tips should keep the love flowing between the have man and the have man nots and save friendships.

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So what do you think about a blind date…

I have reached the coupling age. The time when everyone around seems to be looking for deeper more meaningful relationships that lead to some serious form of commitment, marriage and a family. As a woman I realize that I have a shelf life, youth and beauty will fade and it is great to get while the getting is good. I survived one coupling cycle when I graduated from college. A third of my college friends married shortly after we graduated. Unfortunately, only one of those marriages is still in tact. I like to refer to those early marriages as the trial marriages. Those marriages are just to test the waters and rarely last. The coupling is in full force right now, maybe it’s because it’s cold outside and the holidays are coming up. Nonetheless that loving feeling is in the air and it ain’t cause it’s spring.

 

Due to the coupling season, it never surprises me when relationships and dating come up in groups of three or more women. I was having dinner with friends and the conversation drifted to the men folk. Half of the group was happily coupled or dating someone with lots of potential. I fell into the second group, those who are casually going out and seeing multiple people. I explained my situation and that I am cool with it. Basically, I go out and do so often, but I’m enjoying myself. I haven’t found anyone that I should settle down with. I have settled down before and I know what it feels like. It’s generally a whirlwind of emotions and bliss and kissing and blushing and giggles and butterflies and what are you doing so I can be there too. I know what it looks like and it hasn’t found me. In the meantime, I just enjoy the entertainment.

 

Well one of my friends didn’t want to just leave it at that. She asked “Do you want to get married?” I hate this question because it can mean so many different things depending on who says it and in what tone and after a certain line of questioning. It was only fair that she asked this question. I know that part of it is due to the fact that about four years ago I was nearly obsessed with marriage. It was so unlike me because before that relationship I had never concerned myself with marriage. I don’t think it was so much marriage that I wanted as it was a desire to be engaged. Actually maybe it was not even so much to be engaged, but just to have my hand spoken for publicly. My head was abuzz and it seemed only a ring on my left hand would silence it. I was in a serious relationship where the natural next step was an engagement. Looking back I realize that this idea was based on my upbringing, societal norms and an understanding of dating that made me believe that it was the only natural progression to what we shared. It was not necessarily based on what he and I needed to do. A ring consumed me and I talked about it constantly. I generally delivered soliloquies to whoever would listen but quietly to my ramblings. Each soliloquy ended with the question was there a U variable in his equation since I hadn’t received a ring. I am older and wiser and no longer afflicted by the needforaringitist.

 

Anyway, I told her “Yeah, I guess, eventually at some point if and when I found someone that I want to marry.” Next she asked “How do you feel about a blind date? I have someone I want you to meet.” I love that people are concerned about me and my love life. I often find that people want to help me and I appreciate their concern. I have been out on two blind dates. Both went extraordinarily well so I don’t have anything against blind dates. However, I have heard horror stories about them and I am shy. So I am always hesitant to agree to them, which is why I have only been on two. There must have been a full moon out because sitting at the table with all eyes on me I said “Sure. Why not?!”

 

To be continued…