Oh My, you don’t say…

Part 2 of How Interesting…and the plot thickens

My mouth dropped open…and it stayed open for at least 5 seconds, an uncomfortable 5 seconds. Long enough for it to be noticeable, but not so long that anything could fly into my mouth. After about 4.5 seconds I realized my mouth was still open and I shut it immediately. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what the proper response should be. I looked down into my lap and repositioned my napkin. More so to give myself a few moments to determine what I was going to say next. Should I play off my surprised mouth drop, lie and say I knew, or completely change the subject? I was embarrassed over my open mouth and I am sure I was turning pink. It wasn’t that he was Philippino, it was that I had no idea, and I had to go and act all surprised. I didn’t know if my look was oh wow or oh no. It was definitely oh wow, but sometimes my facial expressions don’t cooperate with my emotions. I would have never guessed it. He doesn’t look it. His eyes aren’t really hooded (of course on second inspection I notice that yeah they could be considered hooded) and they aren’t slanted (well very slightly on second inspection). He has a creamy tan color, one that looks like he lives in the south like every other southerner. His head is bald, but he does have a very short mustache, but the hair didn’t give any hints either. I’m just thinking wow this is crazy. I had not a clue. Nothing in his conversation alerted me either.

“You didn’t know. Did you?”

I look up from my lap. Now I’m inspecting the features of his face looking for the dead give-aways.

“[He] didn’t tell you did he?”

“Nope.” There is a pleasant smile on my face as I shake my head no.

“Is it a big deal?” Now I’m thinking omg my face probably looked hectic if he asked this question, and now I have to assure him that it was more that I had not a clue.

“No, not at all. It’s not even an issue. I just.” I let out one of those flustered crazy sounds when you blow air through your lips while they are still together and shake my head. “It’s just I couldn’t even tell. I would have never suspected anything unless you said something.”

“I always bring it up, people aren’t always cool about it. I feel it’s important that I share it with women I chose to date.”

“Well I appreciate your honesty, but it’s not an issue. I’m actually very intrigued.”

I kind of giggle thinking in my head that fate decided to send me out on an interracial date without my knowledge and despite my hesitations. This alleviates the pressure to make a decision, the decision has been made for me. We were technically on our second date And it wasn’t the least bit complicated, confusing, or even different. It was like any other date I’ve been on, only difference I was really interested. I guess it’s true you will attract what you think about or maybe life has just given me a little push to be open.

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How interesting…and the plot thickens…

The other day I posted that I was ruminating over the idea of going out with someone of a different racial background or trying Something New. The idea is in heavy rotation in my mind. Thinking and pondering is what I do when I’m considering making a change with anything. Sometimes it takes me months, even years to decide. I’m notoriously indecisive, but I’m actively working to change that. Mostly because if you think about something to long your reasoning becomes circular and you come to the same conclusion even if you think you analyzed it differently. In some ways I am strangely fascinated with the idea of it, but on the flip side I’m very nervous. It’s like I’m anxious to find out what will happen because I think it will be different. Why I think it will be so different? I do not know.

So while my decision to date outside “my kind” is simmering on the burner, a friend of a friend offered to introduce me to someone. I think this is an excellent way to meet people so I agreed to the introduction. The introduction turned into “Hey, we are going to go hang out meet us downtown for drinks.” This was perfect because there’s no real pressure and we can both decide if we want to pursue this. I arrived late, but it gave me an opportunity to check him out before I approached the group and I liked what I saw. After sitting down, the group dispersed and it was so high-school everyone shot me side winks and thumbs up as they left. He was great, a professional, cute, no kids, never been married, in my 35-45 target age bracket and funny. I was thinking wow when I left and hoped that he felt the same way. We exchanged information and I wanted him to reach out sooner rather than later. I almost broke the cardinal rule of making the first call, but decided to hold myself “Whoa Kimosabe!” I was just going to call and tell him I really enjoyed meeting him, but I didn’t want to seem too eager.

To my delight he called the next day and asked me out on a real date. We decided to meet up after work for dinner. Our dinner conversation was of the second date variety, since we had pretty much asked all of the basic getting to know you questions when we met. However he decided to ask the question that I hate “So what are you looking for in a man?” This is the most generic question ever and I generally give back a very generic check list of ideal traits in a man. He laughed at my facetious responses which gained him an extra 25 cool points because he got my humor. Then he said,

“Okay enough with answering a question you obviously don’t want to answer. How do you feel about interracial dating?”

He instantly has my attention because Hello! this has been the topic of intense mental debate. So I respond, “I’m open to it.” And I responded like it’s the most natural and sensible thing to do.

“Have you ever dated someone?”

“In college, I went out on a few dates, but nothing serious.”

“But you’re open to it?

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I was so wrong for acting like it wasn’t an issue, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I’ve met a lot of people who are close minded about interracial dating. Before I invest myself in getting to know someone I like to make sure they are cool with it, so it won’t become a problem in the future.”

“Okay, I’m cool, but why does it matter? I mean I embrace diversity.” I’m trying to figure out the correlation in my mind with us and what this has to do with anything. Is he going to draw some type of conclusion about how I feel about say hunger from my response.

“You know I’m Philippino, right?”

My mouth dropped open…

Continued tomorrow

what you talkin’ bout Willis…

I must warn you this is long…

 

I decided to go out on a blind date. A kind hearted friend of mine who is concerned about me finding a potential husband felt it necessary to intervene due to my failed attempts to find someone on my own. It might be an interesting experiment to involve other people in the ridiculousness that I have found dating in the A. Don’t get me wrong it is fun, exciting and entertaining, but since I am not doing a good job of picking the winners I felt it might be helpful to involve others.

 

I agreed to meet the blind date for drinks before going to a sporting event. I am not into sports at all. I take that back I will go to a game to eat funnel cakes or go to a championship game party to eat cheese dip. Other than that I pretty much avoid sports. I texted, the devil, my friend the day of regarding the date specifics. She wouldn’t really tell me anything other than his name, a few physical characteristics so that I could identify him and where we were to meet. I arrived at the designated spot a little early and sat down at the bar. I was there for about twenty five minutes when I became a little concerned, the blind date hadn’t showed. I thought to myself am I being stood up. Then my phone buzzed. Luckily, I went to the wrong restaurant, by no fault of mine there was some confusion over the name of the place. Relieved, I texted her that I was leaving and on my way to the correct place which turned out to be a sports bar.

When I arrived at the bar I went inside and texted my friend that I was at the right place. I walked through the place looking from face to face for someone who fit the general description of my blind date. I went back to the  front of the place and scanned the room. A group of men standing nearby asked me if HE was late. I chuckled and told them I wasn’t sure yet. I looked at my phone and I had another text, this one said that he was there and looking for me. There was a man standing off to the right of me who looked like he fit the description, I looked at him then looked back off into the crowd. I thought to myself is that him. I figured it probably was my blind date, so I looked back and said “Are you _____?” He responded yes. I looked at him most likely with a blank look on my face, since I was literally thinking what was my friend thinking, but then I smiled and held my hand out. He was bald, about medium height, with an athletic build and a light beard or maybe it was a five o’clock shadow. He wore a leather motorcycle jacket and had a bandana tied to his head. His voice was raspy like he drank 40’s and smoked a pack of cigarettes every day. My biggest issue was the tooth pick hanging out of his mouth. Damn P. Diddy for popularizing the use of the after dinner food particle dislodger as a fashionable mouth accessory. Guys it is not sexy to keep a tooth pick in your mouth. If you have to use it, do so then discard it.

After I quickly sized him up I told him how I thought it was hilarious that I had gone to the wrong restaurant. He said it was no problem and that he was just happy I got there. He told me to follow him and we went upstairs to find a seat. When we sat down we played 21 questions. We started off with where are you from. We are both originally from the same place, but he went to some random highschool in the city. I thought this was strange because I was sure my friend said they went to the same school. I glossed over this and asked him how old he was. He seemed a little older than what I expected and what she texted me, but I thought well maybe she told me that just to get me out and or she hit the wrong numbers. I was under the impression that we were going to the game so I asked if we should get going since we got started a little late. He said the game was in the third quarter and by the time we got there the game would be over. Then he asked if I wanted to leave and go somewhere else. I declined and told him I knew he wanted to see the game and it was fine if we stayed because I liked the bar’s sweet potato fries. Next I asked him what he did. He said he was a ____. I was instantly intrigued because I had never met a ____ and I had tons of questions to ask him. Despite my curiosity the snob in me reared its ugly head and I thought oh my, did my friend really think I would be interested in him. She knows me and I thought my type so I made a mental note that we would need to discuss later. I am not going to tell you what he did because I don’t think it is necessary to offend anyone who does what he does or knows someone that does. At this point, a waiter comes up to the table we are sitting at and says that we have to move because the space is reserved. He suggests we go to the roof top, and I was like why it’s cold outside. He grins and says that they have heaters, I thought be easy so instead of protesting I follow him up the stairs. I think to myself I just have to make it through one date.

Luckily when we get upstairs a manager is coming out of the door and says they are shutting the roof top down in 10 minutes. I start walking back down the stairs and he is like where are you going. I tell him that I would like to put our names in to get a table and get settled. He says that he wants to smoke a cigarette. I smile and think oh great and he smokes too I have hit the jackpot. I told him that I would wait on him downstairs. I guess he changed his mind because he followed me back downstairs. Once we arrived at the hostess stand he asked me again if I wanted to leave and I replied that since I had gone to the wrong place initially and we weren’t going to the game I wanted to stay put. I wasn’t moving my car I had already spent $20 parking and I wasn’t getting in his car or possibly on his bike.

Of course there was a wait, so I just put my name in for a table. My phone starts to ring and since it’s my friend I answer my cell. My friend screams at me where are you and I’m like I’m sitting here with your friend. She is like cool glad you found him, he called me and screamed on me because he was getting anxious. I look at him and said you screamed at her, then I said to her I will handle him and chat with you later. I then turn to him and asked why he felt it necessary to scream on her. He responded that whatever he said wasn’t that bad. He then asked me what I did for a living. I told him that it wasn’t nearly as interesting as his job and asked him another question about what he did.

I was seated facing him when someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around to see a young man standing behind me holding out a cell phone and he said your friend is on the phone and handed me his cell. I look back at my blind date then back to the young man and see my friend’s name in the phone he is handing to me so of course I take the phone and said Hello. My friend is yelling at me and said you are talking to the wrong guy. I respond What!?!?!? She then screams at me again you are talking to the wrong guy!!! WTF! I look back at my blind date and immediately I’m like oh my gosh who are you then I look at the guy who brought the cell phone over. I then tell my girl in my defense I want you to know that they look similar. They did in the sense that they were both bald with a beard, medium height with an athletic build and that would be exactly where the similarities ended. I look at my fake blind date and I’m like you told me your name was ______. Then he is all like oh no my name is Anthony. My mind is reeling, but I’m happy that my friend didn’t really hook me up with this guy and it was all just crazy confusion. I told her I had to go so I could sort it all out.

I tell the fake blind date that he should be shamed lying and tell him that while it was nice to meet him I have to go. I am relieved, but still angry. The horror of this blind date is still haunting as I type. First that this psycho man played along and acted like he was my blind date when he knew good and well he was not. Second that he tried to take me to a second location. Oh the tragedy had I left with him. NOTHING good happens if the perpetrator takes you to a second location.  Third the snobbery that I experienced that I have never formally recognized but now I know I possess. 

If and when you go out on a blind date ask to see a license.

I could have had a V8….

I used extremely poor judgment yesterday. I went out with someone who puzzles me to no end. I like them, but I believe there is a some type of disconnect on my part in expressing my desire to devour this man. I am completely convinced that he doesn’t like me. This can’t be confirmed because he calls and texts, so I think that maybe he just wants amusement. However, who reads a book if they don’t like the main character or plays a game if they dislike the rules, just pick something else. I would rather someone just let me know instead of humoring me because it causes confusion. I recently decided to back off, left him alone, at first I thought I won’t even respnd if he calls, emails or texts. So I wasn’t totally surprised when he called, cause all men will call, but I was surprised with my response of unabashed excitement. Although now the question is did my little silent hibernation elicit a response? I was happy when he suggested that we get together, and he invited me to a poetry reading. Cool something different, but yet familiar. I went through my love jones phase back in college. During that time it was unacceptable not try and get in touch with one’s inner poet. Everyone is not a poet, but you couldn’t tell by our regular attendance at poetry readings. Plus I thought it would be fun since I hadn’t been to a poetry reading in ages.

I didn’t know what to wear. I know that looking earthy doesn’t work for me, so I just decide to wear jeans and a shirt. I went through three jeans and shirt outfits. One was too prissy for a poetry reading, the other too militant for me and the last one was just plain ugly. I ended up going with something that reminded me of what a j.crew cowgirl might look like. I put makeup on and then took it off. I thought anything more than mascara and gloss would be too much for a poetry reading. Natural beauty is more accepted on the pseudo-underground scene. Anyway what was all this concern especially for someone who I had decided wasn’t interested? All I knew was that I was excited and I felt like I was preparing for my close up literally and figuratively.

He picked me up and I am certain that he saw the glee and joy in my eyes, but I tried to remain calm and cool. While writing this I just realized that maybe my eagerness to see and please was written across my forehead and that IS the problem. When we arrived I discovered that he reserved a table on Friday, but considering we didn’t make plans until Saturday I realized damn I’m just the insert girl here date. I didn’t care, I’m was just happy to be out with him. We sat down for a night of spoken word. At these types of events there are two types of poets: activist or lovers. Some day I want to go to a poetry reading and hear someone recite a poem about something simple liking eating their favorite food or their favorite toy as a child. I’m sure someone could come up with something tight about a nintendo. Of course there were several poems about just plain raunch and then there were the nice clean love poems. However, there was one in particular that fell in the middle that involved a guitar and it just hit the spot. And maybe it doesn’t take much these days because it’s been a while, actually let me be honest a loooooong time. Watching old people hold hands might excite me at this point. Also the fact that every so often he gave my thigh a nice, firm squeeze wasn’t helping. I realized dang I was getting excited. I tried to think thoughts about the laundry at my house, the magazines I needed to look through, the fact it’s Sunday and I had to return to work the next day. To my disappointment, none of this worked and then I started thinking this was done intentionally. Well if it was it worked because on the ride home I kept thinking about all kinds of delectable naughtiness. It required all my will power to keep from asking him what was his favorite position and could we pull over to try it.

 

So when we arrived at my house, my mind was racing. What do I say? Do I invite him up? This is the last stop on the line and I have to get off. While all these thoughts were racing through my mind, he just pulled in front of my elevator. He didn’t park, Dang! We got out of the car, he gave me a hug and a kiss on my CHEEK and merrily sent me on my way. He practically hopped and skipped back to his car. In the elevator, on the way to my home, I realized this had to be how guys felt at the end of an evening when the girl gives them a kiss on the cheek…goes into her house and locks the door behind her. The joke was totally on me! I had smooth, freshly shaven legs, no man and I was hot as h#ll. It really serves me right, since I should have left him alone. I should have never gone out with him in the first place. He isn’t interested.

ONE man at a time…

I am not in good mood today. The day started off fine, but halfway through the morning I received a particularly unsettling email that maybe if it arrived on any other day it would have been fine. Unfortunately, today I am ready to pick up the phone and call to give them a piece of my mind. I tell you some people just don’t have any email training or etiquette. Okay, that is not the focus of this post, stay focused. I decided in 2008 to take a different approach to finding a suitable companion. I found that my former style was causing unnecessary stress on my part and apparently confusion for the other parties. I am now attempting to date ONE man at a time. When I just typed that, I realized that I am practicing self imposed repression, how stifling. I think it’s ridiculous. It reads crazy. I am a single lady in her prime, the roaring 20’s. Although it reads funny, once I make my mind up to do something I do it. I am committed to trying it out to see what type of benefits might come out of it. Why am I doing this? I heard from more than one forlorn young man the dissatisfaction of knowing that I was dating others. Surprisingly, guys do not like it when you are honest with them about the fact you are dating others. So I am attempting to date ONE man at a time in an attempt to allow more focus on each individual, so that we can have more meaningful interactions. I also have a very short fuse when it comes to ridiculousness, some might call them minor problems, but when there are multiple options one can be quickly dismissed. No w I will deal with minor problem as they come instead of deciding that I don’t have time for it. However, most importantly for me I can quickly determine if someone is truly worth my time. To this point, since I am having a rather unsettling day I decide to reach out to the ONE guy I am focusing on in hopes that we might be able to see each other this evening. Yes, this is a stretch. To call someone the day of during these hectic, overly scheduled times is unlikely to produce the desired results. However, I think hey he might be available. I wanted to see him because he is always happy and enthusiastic. I could really use his positive vibe right now, and it’s contagious. So when he declined I was not totally surprised, but what I was not ready for was his next statement.

“I don’t believe I’m going to be able to make it on Saturday.” Now Saturday we have a scheduled date, actually it has been on the books for over two weeks now.Now I am thinking hold up, but I respond calmly.“Oh did something come up?”

“I feel today that things will be hectic on Saturday.”

“Oh really, what’s going on?”

“Well things are pretty hectic today and I am not sure about Saturday”

“So you think what’s going on today might carry over into Saturday?” Cause I’m thinking dude, it’s Tuesday. “Are you sure?”

“No, things are just hectic today.”

“So what exactly is going on to make things so hectic? Do you need any help?”

“It’s just hectic, but I will drop the tickets off for the show on Saturday because I know you wanted to go.”

“Okay, oh that’s nice of you.”

“I will drop them off this evening.”

“Ok, well call me later and just keep me posted on Saturday.”

“Cool!”

Now I am like okay this hectic business sounds like some mess. I don’t want to pry, but come on. He just kept saying things are hectic. Why can’t he explain what is so hectic? I don’t want to badger, but can I get a point of clarification? However, since I have just ONE man now I am going to go along with it, that is for now. Hmmm, but now I am a little irritated because I don’t get to see him today and since things are SO hectic I probably won’t see him on Saturday either. So why again did I agree to focus on ONE man at a time? Right about now this new dating style is not working for me. When there is more than one man in rotation, there is more than one possibility. Now I feel that I failed to plan properly. Everyone knows that the failure to plan is a plan to fail and now I have to deal with not having a plan B, C or D.

 

It’s Saturday now and it’s official. Things are still hectic and he isn’t going to the show. Fine with me cause I get to go and take who ever I want : ).