Deal Breaker #17 Geographically Challenged…

It’s that time again to discuss unlikely deal breakers. I will admit that some of them are ridiculous, but it’s my life (and I’m getting older and set in my ways). Plus, I have had a rash of incidences that have made me focus and get serious about what I can and can not deal with.

Everyone knows that a man being geographically undesirable can be a deal breaker. One who is geographically undesireable generally leaves states away in a far off distant land. I myself have imposed this rule, which has impacted me deeply because some people I have been really fond of were ruled out because they lived outside the state. Some really heart my heart, but I would rather be alone than suffer the pangs of loneliness caused by someone not being around when I want them to be. I’ve been in long distance relationships, so I’ve dealt with that type of loneliness and it can get ugly.

However, today I have a new deal breaker that falls in the geography category. This one I will call Geographically Challenged. These are people who live a distance that is farther than you want to travel. To be honest I don’t want to travel more than 10 miles to go anywhere, is that 15 minutes? Whatever it is mileage wise I know that I don’t want to be in a car for more than 15 minutes traveling to see a beau. And it’s not the gas, it’s the distance.

Anyone who knows me knows I do not like to drive. It’s an evil part of adulthood that I unfortunately have to suffer through now. One day I will have a driver to take me everywhere I need to go. Until then I keep my driving to the minimum. All the essential trips that I have to take are no more than 15 minutes from my house, including my mother’s house.

So why does fate keep sending me people who leave FAR away from me?  Crazy places that are outside of the perimeter and take a minimum of 30 minutes of travel time. I would love to find someone who lives in my neighborhood, but people are moving farther out to outlandish places that might as well be another state. I understand you can get more house for your money, but fiscal responsibility sometimes leads to ridiculous drive times.

What is crazy about this problem is that it’s not something that I immediately know, but will soon start asking. The drive time initially isn’t a problem because on the first few dates I always meet my date out. I generally don’t like for people to know where I live, so once I get comfortable I will generally venture out to the perspective beau’s house. This is when things get ugly, or at least recently. I had to tell one guy that he had to meet me somewhere in the middle. Another perspective I told flat out you live too far this is not going to work. I know that relationships are a two way street and if I am not willing to make the commute I can’t commit.

Super Tight…

Slow motion moments really do exist in real life. I thought they only occurred in the movies, but sometimes things slow down to give you an opportunity to completely savor the moment. This is exactly what happened when I met him, the super tight one.


I was with friends enjoying a perfect summer afternoon. I was walking along and his striking profile caught my eye. I made a mental note of it, saw boy with beautiful profile at 5:02 pm. I kept moving and didn’t miss a beat, but I was praying that I would see him again. My prayers were answered while waiting in line outside the ladies room. This is about the only time in life that I was happy to be stuck in the lady’s room line. He started walking over and this is when everything slowed down. I couldn’t really hear anything except my own breathing. He sauntered over, but in slow motion giving me ample time to get a good look at every inch of his physique. I imagine that time slowed only for me, so I am sure he saw my eyes sweep over his frame. If it were appropriate and one hundred years ago I would have swooned and fainted from the sheer pleasure and delight of it. He arrived and introduced himself. His Name. Let’s just stop right there for a second. He had the coolest name I’ve ever heard. It’s right next to Vin Diesel, which might actually be the coolest name ever. His name is a pretty close second. This is where the tightness commenced. From that moment forward I was absolutely captivated with everything this man did and said. His voice, his smile, his laugh, his presence, his words, just the sum total of it all just left me totally impressed. He was terrific. He went from tight to super tight in just three dates. It was in this state, while basking in the rays of his super tight glow, that the spell was broken.


We had just left the movies and he had delivered me safely to my car. I asked him to jump in so I could take him to his car, but he declined and started to walk away. I said “It will be fine let me take you.” Honestly, I just wanted to spend a few more moments with him.  I wasn’t getting through to him, so my tone changed a bit, a little more boy get your tail in this car and less sugar plum please get in the car. At this he reluctantly walked over to my car and got in. Hold on, Wait. Do you know how children act when you ask them to do something they have no desire to do? They mumble, hunch their shoulders over and drag their feet to whatever the chore or task. This would be exactly how he walked over to my car and got in. Once we pulled out of the space, I asked where he parked his car. He was very quiet, he leaned the seat back and sighed. I thought it was all very strange, but I wasn’t really concerned. I asked again and he just pointed in a general direction.


When we were closer to his car he offered to get out and walk, something about my being close to the exit and it was a straight shot. I waved him off and asked which way I needed to turn. This is when his hands went to his head and I thought maybe I went too far. He was holding his head in his hands, when he suddenly turned towards me. He had this anxious look in his eye and said “I am really embarrassed about my car and I don’t want you to laugh at it.” What? But before I could say anything the expression on his face told me that he was serious, dead serious about this car thing. I just kept quiet. Then he started telling me about all the sacrifices he had made in life in order to start his company and this was why he had the car. I just looked at him speechless and in shock. I promised him that I wouldn’t laugh and that I was not the least bit concerned about his car.


Now I will admit that if he didn’t have a car then I would have had a problem, but I have a car so I am not concerned. Plus, I didn’t want to distress him more since he was already visibly disturbed. When I saw the car I did want to laugh, but not at the car, I was thinking he had an old cutlass or some kind of contraption that was barely legal to drive. It was a late model Japanese import, it was small, compact and sensible, not the ugly gremlin I was expecting. After seeing his car, combined with his agitation I was so unimpressed. I didn’t know how to deal with a grown man who would be that embarrassed about his car. I really couldn’t understand all the concern. I am not in high school. You are going to have to have more than a car to impress me. Actually some of the nicest cars I’ve been in have carted around the blandest simpletons or the most obnoxious egomaniacs, so I don’t date guys based on their cars. I also couldn’t understand after getting to know me that he would think I would be so shallow or judgmental. It infuriated me. I am not deep, but I am definitely not shallow. I understand wanting the better things in life, but it takes time to acquire the finer things in life. However, trying to hide, apologize or providing an excuse for what you have is not the behavior of a real man. In my mind it points to low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and extreme superficiality. I just don’t understand how someone so in touch with the world around him, so intelligent, profoundly deep, and creative could be so caught up with his car. He has such potential, but is concerned about the wrong things.