Spend the mind or I ain’t saying she a gold digger…

I would not categorize myself as a gold digger. However, I do desire a man who can provide for me and take care of our possible off spring.

That being said…

Today I was invited to lunch by a guy that I like. Our ____ship (cause I am not sure what to call it) is progressing at a relatively steady pace. He is very charming and very nice to look at. I’m going through a pretty boy phase, let you know when it ends. He called me and after the howdoyoudo’s, he asked if I had gotten his text about lunch. I replied that I had indeed received it and was looking forward to seeing him. I just needed to know where he wanted to meet. Then he said,

 

“I don’t want to go anywhere expensive.”

 

“Okay, sure it’s lunch. Where do you want to go?” No reason breaking the bank for lunch, plus I can’t truly savor a meal when I’m rushing to get back to work.

 

“I dunno.”

 

“What about that Italian spot we went to last week?”

 

“That’s expensive.” I made a mental note considering I think that restaurant is relatively cheap. I figured I dare not ask to go to my favorite Italian restaurant any time soon or before we reached an understanding concerning expensive restaurants.

 

“Oh, well where do you want to go?”

 

“I really don’t know.”

 

“Well what do you want to eat?”

 

“I’m not sure.” Now I am thinking for someone who is concerned about how much he doesn’t want to spend for lunch he sure is leaving a lot to chance.

 

“Want to go to that sandwich place I was telling you that has the cupcakes.”

 

“Is it expensive?”

 

“No. Why don’t you suggest something? Or how about we go to McDonald’s or split a sub at Subway?” He starts laughing. I am serious, I’m thinking we can split a five dollar foot long. Plus I don’t mind a happy meal, I like the prizes.

 

“I don’t want that.”

 

“What about that Thai place we passed, that’s close by and it isn’t expensive”

 

“That sounds good, meet you there.”

 

Now I am wondering what was that all about? I am also thinking about the Italian spot we went to, that place is NOT expensive. I consider a place to be expensive if I wouldn’t go there myself unless it was a special occasion. If I can take myself it ain’t expensive. The main thing is he invited me to lunch, so shouldn’t he call with a game plan that fits his budget? Hmmm

 

Seated at the restaurant and looking at the menu I ask if the prices were ok. He looks down the menu and starts shaking his head. I lean in closer waiting for a response, but he doesn’t say anything. So I sit back thinking all is well and look over the menu. The waitress comes and takes our order. I don’t get anything extra, no spring rolls or thai iced tea for me, just a small dish and some lemon for my water. He orders a mid priced entrée, so I assume we are cool. No longer concerned I almost ordered the thai iced tea, but I change my mind I don’t want to get ahead of myself. When the check comes he makes the following comment, “This place is expensive.” The waitress comes over before I can say anything and ask if she can take the dishes away. There is still food on my plate and she asks if I would like to box it up. I say no, but then he tells her yes box it up. She turns and walks away with my plate. I decide this isn’t the time to get into it with him about how I don’t like leftovers unless it’s dessert.

 

He then reiterates, “this place isn’t cheap.”

 

“It’s pretty decent considering the food is good and they give you a lot. Did you like it?”

 

“Yes, it was good, but you said it was inexpensive.” I notice that he put an emphasis on IN. I am not interested in going back and forth considering I asked him where he wanted to go and he made no suggestions. I also do believe the place is inexpensive. So I said,

“Well is the check over $25?”

 

“No.”

 

“Well we didn’t do that much damage.” I giggle.

 

He is quiet. He pulled out his wallet, but his brow was all furled and lined. I took the bill out of his hand and said,

“Lunch is on me.”

 

“Really?” He actually looked surprised.

 

“Yes. I enjoyed your company and lunch, so I got it.”

 

“Thanks!”

 

As I paid for the bill I wondered if he had done all that whining purposefully. I thought he set me up, I’m a little sucka. Honestly I did enjoy lunch and his company, so it really wasn’t a big deal to me. While I signed my name, two things concerned me about the situation. One, what does he think qualifies as expensive? I don’t mind frugality for the sake of building for a future and wealth, but I can’t stand a cheap and stingy guy. Second, he failed to plan for our date. 

 

It just didn’t make sense to me. If you want to eat please DO select a restaurant that fits the budget. If he was really concerned about the price of the lunch why didn’t he have a place already picked out that would accommodate his wallet? We are both close to a park why not invite me there for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, chai tea or better yet pop some pre-made Pillsbury dough boy cookies into the oven. If you want to see me and you can’t afford lunch why are you suggesting it? I know AND understand we are in a recession. If you want to spend time with me don’t always suggest we go eat, there are other things to do besides eating. Be creative. Spend the mind. A memorable date cost nothing more than your time and some thought. It’s obvious to me that he wants to spend time with me, but if he just listened and paid attention I have given him ideas for cheap dates. I go on and on about how I like to people watch, so let’s go to the mall or airport. I read a lot and talk about the books, so let’s go to the bookstore library and peruse. It’s actually quite exciting to make out in the stacks. I think its something about the smell that all those words on all those pages in all those books produce, it’s an aphrodisiac. I talk about my reality shows and Mad Men, so maybe we can watch them together. I’ll provide the electricity and the tv. I might even pop open a bottle of wine. Dude is asleep at the wheel. Just going through the motions, probably just offering lunch or dinner and a movie to all the ladies. I love the movies and I love to eat so I never complain, but it is the standard and it takes no imagination. Listen to me or know your budget and plan accordingly.

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Mount and Mate…

I am a late bloomer. All my life I have been behind the rest of the pack. I bloom, but just when I’m ready and not a moment before. I didn’t have a boyfriend in kindergarten, no Bud like Rudy Huxtable, and I didn’t have a boyfriend (if that’s what you want to call him) til eleventh grade. There were crushes, yes, unexplained heart palpitations, and occasional fumbled sentences in front of the opposite sex, but for the most part I was extremely unimpressed. Actually I’m still not impressed. So imagine my surprise when I experienced the overwhelming desire to meet a man.

 

I was at the airport on my way to D____ for the weekend. While waiting for the train to come, I decided to give my new Fit Flops a work out. I had to go to terminal D and according to the sign it was 4000 feet away, so I said, “let’s walk it.” When I got to terminal A, I saw a man or rather I saw the BACK of a man. His back was the sexiest back I have ever seen in person. Immediately I was attracted to his build or what I could see of it from where I stood. He was pretty far ahead of me, but I picked up my steps. I needed to get to him and I didn’t want him to get away before I caught up with him.

 

As I pursued, I started questioning my excitement over this man. Why was I so attracted to his BACK, why had I honed in on him, why was he making my pulse race, why I was so drawn to him? I mean he hadn’t flashed a smile, I couldn’t smell him and all I could see of him was his back. Ah his gorgeous back. I have only approached one guy in my life. It was a test of sorts. I just wanted to see if I could pick up a guy and get him to give me his number. When I’m not testing theories, I use the 5 second gaze, smile and look away approach. If that doesn’t get the desired reaction, he isn’t the one. I started to think of what I would say when I caught up with him. What do you say to some stranger in the airport at 5:35 in the morning? It didn’t matter. I was mostly fantasizing about what he would say back to whatever I came up with.

 

I was doing my best impression of an Olympic Speed Walker, I had narrowed his lead by the time we approached terminal C. He was quick and he was moving. My short little legs could only go so fast and I couldn’t exactly run in the stacked Fit Flops. As I got closer, everything about this man made me want to take hold of him and mount him. The back of this man was turning me on. He had on a pair of khaki shorts, a baseball cap, and a blue polo shirt. He looked to be about 6’4”. His back was just this muscular hunk of an expanse that beckoned from under his shirt. His calves belonged in a museum, they were perfectly shaped. He needed to be in an underwear ad PRONTO. This man was like a real live Spartan, straight out of the movie 300. All we needed to set the scene was to have him in a loin cloth, with shield in his hand, running in slow motion down the escalator. I was even impressed by the way he walked. It was some sort of rounded, circular gait. It seemed like he didn’t want to bend his knees or something. Whatever it was it was manly and it drove me to trip along at a much faster pace.

 

I closed in on him between terminal C and D. My hair was in a pony tail, but I violently yanked the clip holding it up. I don’t know why I took my hair down because it’s not like I hard a mirror to look in, but I DO know men like hair, and I planned to work mine. I still didn’t know what I was going to say and that made me nervous. I thought about asking for directions, but I was in an airport and there was signage with directions everywhere. I didn’t want to seem simple. I decided a great big smile and a good morning would be sufficient.

 

I was right behind him, but just as I was about to make my approach he turned around. I was startled, so I jumped back, but I am clumsy so I missed my footing and started falling backwards. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. He smiled and said, “Morning, I didn’t mean to scare you.” His face didn’t disappoint, he wasn’t handsome, but he had a gorgeous, shiny white smile. However, my face immediately wrinkled up and I must have had some kind of absurd look on my face because he said, “Are you okay Ma’am?” This time I snatched my arm away from him, gave him another wild look and then I ran away. Actually it was more like a quick shuffle.

 

Why didn’t I smile back and say hello? Why didn’t I try to pick up the beautiful body that I speed raced down four terminals for? Why did I run away? When he opened his mouth what escaped was the thickest, warblely southern drawl I have ever heard. His voice didn’t match all that body. Don’t get my wrong a drawl can be very sexy, but his speech offended my ears. His twang was just all wrong. If sirens lured men to their death with their beautiful voices, then he lured women with his beautiful body and slew them with his voice.