How interesting…and the plot thickens…

The other day I posted that I was ruminating over the idea of going out with someone of a different racial background or trying Something New. The idea is in heavy rotation in my mind. Thinking and pondering is what I do when I’m considering making a change with anything. Sometimes it takes me months, even years to decide. I’m notoriously indecisive, but I’m actively working to change that. Mostly because if you think about something to long your reasoning becomes circular and you come to the same conclusion even if you think you analyzed it differently. In some ways I am strangely fascinated with the idea of it, but on the flip side I’m very nervous. It’s like I’m anxious to find out what will happen because I think it will be different. Why I think it will be so different? I do not know.

So while my decision to date outside “my kind” is simmering on the burner, a friend of a friend offered to introduce me to someone. I think this is an excellent way to meet people so I agreed to the introduction. The introduction turned into “Hey, we are going to go hang out meet us downtown for drinks.” This was perfect because there’s no real pressure and we can both decide if we want to pursue this. I arrived late, but it gave me an opportunity to check him out before I approached the group and I liked what I saw. After sitting down, the group dispersed and it was so high-school everyone shot me side winks and thumbs up as they left. He was great, a professional, cute, no kids, never been married, in my 35-45 target age bracket and funny. I was thinking wow when I left and hoped that he felt the same way. We exchanged information and I wanted him to reach out sooner rather than later. I almost broke the cardinal rule of making the first call, but decided to hold myself “Whoa Kimosabe!” I was just going to call and tell him I really enjoyed meeting him, but I didn’t want to seem too eager.

To my delight he called the next day and asked me out on a real date. We decided to meet up after work for dinner. Our dinner conversation was of the second date variety, since we had pretty much asked all of the basic getting to know you questions when we met. However he decided to ask the question that I hate “So what are you looking for in a man?” This is the most generic question ever and I generally give back a very generic check list of ideal traits in a man. He laughed at my facetious responses which gained him an extra 25 cool points because he got my humor. Then he said,

“Okay enough with answering a question you obviously don’t want to answer. How do you feel about interracial dating?”

He instantly has my attention because Hello! this has been the topic of intense mental debate. So I respond, “I’m open to it.” And I responded like it’s the most natural and sensible thing to do.

“Have you ever dated someone?”

“In college, I went out on a few dates, but nothing serious.”

“But you’re open to it?

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I was so wrong for acting like it wasn’t an issue, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I’ve met a lot of people who are close minded about interracial dating. Before I invest myself in getting to know someone I like to make sure they are cool with it, so it won’t become a problem in the future.”

“Okay, I’m cool, but why does it matter? I mean I embrace diversity.” I’m trying to figure out the correlation in my mind with us and what this has to do with anything. Is he going to draw some type of conclusion about how I feel about say hunger from my response.

“You know I’m Philippino, right?”

My mouth dropped open…

Continued tomorrow

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1 Comment

  1. July 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    […] July 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm (dating) Tags: Color, Color Barrier, Crossing the color line, date outside your race, dating, Dating outside your race, Identity, Interracial Dating, my kind, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, Race Part 2 of How Interesting…and the plot thickens […]


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