Wag the Dog or Deal Breaker #9

A guy that I have been seeing asked me to meet him at his house so we could drive to a dinner party together. He also said he had a surprise for me. I’m nosey and of course I like surprises so I’m all sure I’ll come over. I also think he was tired of me meeting him places. I am not big on people knowing where I rest my head at night until I am sure that I’m interested and they are mentally stable.

When I arrived I parked my car on the street and then headed up the walkway to ring the doorbell. I heard dogs before I even touched the doorbell. I cringed. I don’t have any pets. I can’t keep plants alive. I decided that I should call and tell him I was in the driveway. I pulled out my cell phone, but before I could dial he popped up in the windows beside the door with a great big smile on his face.

As he opened the door he greeted me with, “Glad you made it alright. Come in, Come in. You look nice. How are you?”

“I thought I would never get here. Thank you. I’m fine.”

I reached out to give him a hug, but the dogs rushed me and I froze. The dogs weren’t small. They were big large-pawed animals. They came forward in a tumble of legs, wagging tails, dangling tongues and cold noses sniffing all over me. Then one jumped up on me. “No, Ohhh Wait, Oohhh my, Nooooo.” 

I cringed, turned my head and closed my eyes, as if that would make them magically disappear. He then did what all dog owners do assured me that the dogs were friendly and just wanted to play. Then he told them to sit. I just want it to be known that I have never seen a dog actually immediately sit when its’ owner has instructed it to do so. They will after a few sits, but never immediately. He grabbed the one that jumped on me by the collar and said, “Chief likes you.”

“Oh, lucky me,” I said dryly.

“Come on in and make yourself comfortable.” He wasn’t completely dressed. He was missing a shirt. Boys think they are so slick showing off the goods this way. He led me into a living room and asked if I wanted anything to drink. I declined then he left to finish getting ready.

The dogs stayed with me. I wondered why he didn’t put them away before I got there. People who have dogs LOVE those little buggers. I know that owners develop a close bond and relationship with the pet and it becomes like a family member or fur kid. I do not understand this bond because I have no pets. I don’t think the way I greeted the dogs indicated that I liked them, so he should have taken them with him.

The dogs eyed me and walked around the couch. Then one laid down millimeters from my feet between me and the coffee table. I scrunched my feet back closer to the couch. Chief, the dog that jumped on me, came and sat down with his head inches from my knee. He proceeded to pant with his big tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. Oh and his breath was oh so doggy fresh with a tinge of a beefy aroma. I turned my head and held my nose. I was caged in by the dogs and the l-shape of the couch. Then I started thinking maybe he left them to guard me.

He came back into the room and laughed. “I see you are making friends with my dogs. They want you to play with them.” I looked at him like he asked me to decipher the hieroglyphics on an Egyptian pyramid, confused. I was thinking to myself I am not a dog sitter and what makes you think I want to play with your dogs.

He then clapped his hands and picked up a blue twisted ball of fabric and threw it over the couch. Chief immediately went to fetch it. The other dog laying in front of me just looked up and thumped his tail. Chief brought the toy back to him, then nuzzled and licked his hands. He threw the toy down the hallway. This happened about five or six times. Then Chief brought the toy to me and dropped it in my lap. It was soggy and wet. Yuck. Gross. I stood up and let it drop off my lap onto the floor.

“Oh be a good sport and throw it. You must be special. Chief doesn’t just play with everybody.”

“I never met a dog who didn’t like to play with strangers so I don’t feel special.” I was not about to pick it up and throw it. I couldn’t touch that disgusting toy even for that pretty nice boy, even if our happiness together depended on it.

He walked over to the dog, petted him and said, “Tell Ursala you like her and just want to play.” The dog barked and he turned to me “See I told you.” Then he came towards me with his arms out like he was trying to give me a hug. I backed up and tripped/stepped on the dog on the floor causing me to fall back on the couch.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’ve just been playing with the dog, don’t you think you should wash your hands.”

He looked down at his hands and continued moving towards me. “I don’t have the cooties.”

“Uhh Uhn, go wash your hands.”

He looked at me a little surprised then backed up. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, your dog’s saliva is all over your hands and you think you are going to hug me? No sir!”

“Okay okay okay.” He started walking towards the kitchen so I got up to follow him.

Then he said, “I hope you can shuffle cards, after dinner we will probably play spades. Do you know how to play?”

“Is that the game you with the little white cards with numbers and shapes on them?”

At first he looked concerned then he said, “You think you are funny don’t you?”

I laughed. “I can play a little, but don’t get mad at me if I don’t remember the cards that have been played.”

“See that sounds like you don’t even try to play right, you better pay attention.”

“I don’t think we have known each other long enough to be spades partners. I know married couples that aren’t on speaking terms when they leave parties. You sure you want to set us up for that?”

“It’s just a friendly game.”

“Well don’t embarrass me.”

“Please how about you don’t embarrass me.”

He then turned on the faucet and put his hands under the stream and rubbed them together three or four times. Then turned the water off.

“Uhmm soap please.” I went over to the sink, picked up the dishwashing liquid and squeezed some into his hands.

“Geeze, You’re a little germaphobic eh?”

I had no response for him.

Little nerves in my skin crawled and a little shiver went up my arms to my shoulders. Alarms went off in my head. I couldn’t help but think that he played with those dogs and those saliva soaked toys, then he touched things. Everything. The remote, the couch, the fridge door, his wallet, his keys, and his steering wheel. Probably even got in his car and came to see me and touched my back, my arm, my hair and my face. Ewwwww!  The more I thought about it the more it repulsed me. I started backing away from him and the sink. Then I wondered if he let those dogs lick his face and mouth. I imagined a layer of doggy goo glazed every inch of that space. The thought of touching him or anything in his home made me uncomfortable. I wanted to run right out of his house, but was frightened by the prospects of having to touch the front door.


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