What is the protocol…

Today while surfing the waves on the world wide web I stumbled across some interesting, but d@mning information. I heart facebook, but on today I think it’s the devil. Well maybe in a good way, but the devil none the less.


I reconnected with an old childhood friend via facebook. He sent a friend request and I was happy to confirm him. He sent me the customary what’s up and how you doing note. We sent notes back and forth for a few weeks catching up and reminiscing. One day while I was online he im’ed me and asked me to dinner. I said sure just let me know when. He inquired what I was doing that evening, but I was busy so we settled on going out the following Tuesday. We met at 6 and didn’t leave til 11:30 when the restaurant kicked us out because they were closing.


Since our dinner, we’ve had lunches, brunch, more dinners, went to the bookstore, went to mood music, to target and hallmark to pick out birthday cards, basically “kicked it”. There have been no discussions about anything serious and I’m totally fine with this. He’s a cool friend, different from a girlfriend because occasionally he puts his arm on my shoulder or I hold his arm. There are no titles. It’s light and free. I don’t even know what title I would give him or that he deserves anything more than buddy.


Last night he came over. We talked, played boggle, watched Toddlers and Tiaras and the Real Housewives of New York. When he left we did our customary hug and kiss. The kiss can be described as a three second peck on the mouth or forehead. We aren’t tongueing each other down, but he doesn’t kiss me on my cheek like his grandma. Last night he kissed me on the mouth.


I like to click on my friends then scroll through the status updates. His caught my attention so I went to his page. I’ve only been on his page maybe two other times. I’m scrolling down the page when I see something very interesting. His relationship status has changed. It says in a relationship. Hmmm? When I initially checked out his page and on my other visits his status was single. Hmmm? Are we together? Not likely.


I dig deeper into the page for clues. Most of his comments are from guys and the one’s from girls we know mutually and aren’t available. His last two status updates have brought a large number of comments, but nothing in relation to what I’m looking for. He’s been tagged in some photos so I decide to peruse. The first set of pics are from a conference he attended. Boring. The second set of pictures are from a house party. Just lots of people posing. Nothing. I look at the page again. Hmmm? I scroll back down to the bottom of the screen and click to see additional comments. The first thing on the page are more tagged photos. I click the set that look like they are from a birthday party. Aah and the plot quickly thickens! He is in what I like to call a couple photo with a girl, no one but them smiling, heads tilted together and looking happy. What’s more is that people have commented on the pic. The first comment says “Awww what a cute couple!!! Invite me to the wedding.” The last comment says “You guys are so cute together, but you make me want to gag.” Hmmm.  


I do long for the good old days! Before you had to wait for the grapevine to get back to you on details of a relationship or a man to be honest, but what do I do with this instaneous information regarding his relationship status?


My first question is when did his status change? Did his status change this morning to in a relationship? The pictures are from this past Saturday, so even if he declared his love this morning, the pictures paint a ‘he was booed up over the weekend’ scenario. Hmmm. That is a bad question because when it occurred doesn’t matter. What was his in a relationship self doing at my house last night. I’m upset, not so much about our situation, but why he would be laid up on my couch with his head on my hip if he has a girl? Our involvement is very innocent, but I do think kissing me on the mouth and lounging on me are inappropriate if he has a lady. My second question is why didn’t he tell me? We have had discussions about the perfect lady and what he wanted, so why didn’t he tell me he met her? And decided to be with her?


I want to leave a comment about our evening, but that seems so childish. I’m grown and whatever is to be said, I should say directly to him. Plus I’m not good at the sly innuendo nor at being coquettish in written short form. However, I feel bad. Am I home wrecker, mistress? I know the answer is No, but this situation is ridiculous. How old are we? Really, Is he serious? I have some words for him, but then I am not sure exactly what words those should be. We aren’t together so those words shouldn’t start with “how could you” or “Harpo, who dis woman?” Do I say something? Hmmm. Should I just let it go and let the silence be my I am not participating in foolishness, now go live happily ever after response? Is whatever explanation he has going to be sufficient or make me feel better? Probably not.


Still I don’t know what to do in this situation. What is the protocol when you discover information via facebook?


Facebook is the devil!

Jaw Breakers or the unlikely Deal Breaker…

Women often talk about what type of man they can’t deal with like dead beat dads, baby mama drama, moochers, average joe’s who possess no real ambition, men who can’t hold a stimulating conversation, and generally the most widely accepted deal breaker, the man that lives with his Mother. That has to be the scariest of them all especially if he a mama’s boy or if he is just not tending to his business. What other deal breakers are scarier? Hmmm…


I stumbled across a rare gem of a guy completely by accident. He is interesting and nice, and while that’s easy he has also managed to be witty, super cool but a little dorky, impart a lot of random but useful advice, and he is into the same kind of music that I am which is wild because I have a very eclectic musical taste. I’m admittedly a little to the left…it’s just how I roll, but we are so on the same frequency.  When I realized that he was right along side me leaning to the left it made me grin really, really hard. When he invited me to his house I was excited like a little kid on their way to six flags. I was very curious about his house and how he lived. I had in my head what his house probably looked like, but it’s much better to be able to see the actual pile of bricks.


His place was actually quite different from what I imagined. It was very nice, neat and well appointed, but I was expecting it to be more comfy and inviting with a slightly artistic flair. Not overly coordinated décor, bric-a-brac and scenes from a JCPenney catalog (not to say that there is anything wrong with penney’s I love that place). He had a fireplace, but he never burned it so it dashed my dreams of playing scrabble in front of a warm crackling hearth.


He and I are both movie buffs so he had planned for us to watch movies. That would have been perfect any other time, but I wanted to watch the Grammys. He did make fun of me for being into the pop culture mainstream, but I can’t help myself I love award shows.  He made fun of everything especially the Jonas brother’s performance with Stevie Wonder and MIA’s polka dot rompered-out performance with the rap pack. You gotta love a woman who wants to get her swagger on while literally about to pop and give birth. He offered me some alcohol, which I didn’t turn down, so I was feeling all warm and fuzzy. It was in this slightly tipsy state, while enjoying the musical performances and his Grammy commentary that I hear the creak of a door opening and the shuffling of feet. I gasp, jump closer to him on the couch and look in the direction of the noise.“What was that?” I whisper while clutching my chest. As far as I was concerned there was an intruder in the house on their way up the stairs to get me.


He looked back nonchalantly, “Oh that’s my Mom.”


The shuffles were coming up the stairs and I looked back to see the top of a head ascend the stairs. When she got to the top she said “Hello.”


I half said as a statement and a question “Hello.?” I looked down at him and back at his mother’s retreating back. “You live with your mother?”


He chuckled. “No. My Mother lives with me.” My jaw dropped a bit. Well that explained the décor, but he said his mother lived with him like this was standard. As if everyone’s mother was just chilling at the crib.


“You look puzzled.” He said and rubbed my leg.


I looked over at him, but I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t think of anything appropriate and I didn’t feel comfortable asking why his mother lived with him. So I smiled weakly and replied “She just scared me that’s all.”


I turned back to look at the television and to re-evaluate this man. I’m not sure what would have been the proper response to his statement. That’s his mama and his business, but I couldn’t help but feel weird and unsettled.


I have never encountered this scenario, shoot I’ve never encountered a man living WITH his mother either. And No, technically he doesn’t live with his mother, but I don’t think I can deal with a mother. I don’t feel comfortable that at any given moment his mother might pop up, which might be good because it would definitely make me behave. It’s like we are teenagers and have a chaperone. Although that heightened the fun of fooling around when I was seventeen it doesn’t get me going now. I know I won’t feel free to express myself. I wouldn’t want to be loud or make too much noise, she might be trying to sleep. I don’t curse much, but I definitely don’t want to say anything off color around (or in earshot of) an elder since I don’t think it’s respectful. It’s just too much to manage with a parent around, an aunt or an uncle maybe, but not a Mama. I don’t want to feel inhibited, it’s too much pressure.


Just like I can’t deal with a man who lives with his mama, I can’t deal with a man whose mother lives with him. 


The Escalator…

There is definitely an automatic reflex for self preservation. You will do whatever you have to do to protect yourself from harm and danger.  I’m quite clumsy so I’m always relieved when my little angels have protected me once again from myself. I am happy to be alive and healthy, but have you ever almost fell, slipped, or been hit and thought “I should have let it happen”??? I hope not, but this is a story of a naughty, ungrateful little girl who did…

I went to the mall today. I wanted to get a little shopping done, pick out a way to go prize for a friend who just bought a house and some mascara. Lancome has this vibrating wand that I wanted to inspect, not necessarily try. I don’t wear contacts simply because I don’t like too much action in that area, so I could just imagine the trauma caused my a vibrating stick millimeters from my eyeball. I also need some more Dior Show and word on the street is they have a blacker version called black out. It is supposed to find  and define every single eye lash so I need to try it. Mascara and Lip gloss can make such a difference and are all you need to wow the crowds. Anyway to the point. I found a cute little house warming card/gift, but decided to take a detour through the dresses before I made my way to the cosmetic counters. 

After I looked at the dresses, I got on the escalator to go down. I stepped on the escalator and looked down at my cuticles on my left hand, I was so engrossed in my cuticles that I didn’t hold the hand rail.  My cell buzzed and I went to open my phone, at that very moment the escalator stopped abruptly.  I was on the right side of the escalator, so I reached out for the rail with my right hand which was also holding my cell phone, but my cell kept me from getting a good grip. Although the escalator had stopped, the momentum of going forward hadn’t left me.  I felt myself falling forward. There were two sets of older, gray-haired ladies in front of me, so I  desparately wanted to keep from tumbling down the escalator. I couldn’t help but think I would be alright, but if they broke something eh’ who knew. I grabbed at the left rail and luckily I was able to keep myself from tumbling down the rest of the way. My heart was beating out of it’s cavity and the adrenalin was still pumping. I hate when that happens I always have heart burn afterwards. 

Everyone was fine, a little shaken up, but just fine. I walked the rest of the way down, and the whole way down I’m thinking thank you Lord.  When my feet touched the ground and I was safe, my tune immediately changed. I was thinking wait a minute. Why didn’t I just fall? I’m in a major department store in an upscale mall and the escalator just stopped. I didn’t ignore a sign, walk through some orange cones or unintentionally run into something. I could have just fallen down the escalator and been paid. I know so wrong, because I could have also done irrepairable damage, but hey I’m sharing how I felt. I’m being honest.

Is that you God? It’s me UK…

I’m sitting on my couch in the dark. I can’t believe it, but it’s snowing outside.  Looks just like a snow globe. Beautiful. This abnormal weather has affected my electricity. My power always seems to go out during storms and I guess this fluffy snow qualifies as a storm. It’s been about two hours since my lights flickered on and off and then everything went out. I know Ga.P is working on it. Whenever anything happens in my neighborhood the clean up and repair happens quickly. However, they aren’t working fast enough for me.

I have some where to be in about an hour and a half and it doesn’t seem like my power wants to cooperate. I’m going to a sporting event and I would like to be presentable, not unironed and disheveled looking. The ideal is to be freshly showered, powedered, rouged, perfumed and perfectly primped. I have one option that is convenient. It’s close proximity will allow me exactly enough time to get over there and get ready with time to spare. It is a bad option, but it is an option and I think today is the day to exercise it.

My option stays right up the street from me, about four minutes away. I’m quite positive his power is on. The question: Is he home? The second question: Will he let me use his home to get ready? I know that I shouldn’t reach out to him, but my mind immediately went to him about midtext to my girl that I would  be late to the game. I stopped, I thought wait I can go right up the street. That in itself is a problem because I truly despise myself whenever I talk to him and for very good reason. He’s a whore and he is selfish, need I say more. 

I haven’t thought of him since the day after christmas, when he texted me a belated Merry Christmas. Anybody’s birthday you can easily forget, but baby Jesus? Who forgets that? He is such an @$$ #@!%, but those are the one’s I generally find the most endearing simply because they keep things interesting and entertaining. Plus he is so conveneint, I could walk to his house if necessary.

I got up to put my clothes and toiletries in my travel bag. Pretty presumptuous, I know. I know he will let me come come over. I picked up my cell phone to call him, a text would not do in this situation. I flipped my phone open and toggled to his name. Before I could press the call button, the lights flickered back on, as well as the heat and tv. I put the phone down. A sign from God? I am going with Yes. Most Definitely. He saved me from no electricity dialing. Thank you! Good looking out.