The Digits by request…

I have zero problems meeting people but I like being introduced to people. This way you have some background information on them and they aren’t total strangers. Plus people generally fix you up with people you wouldn’t come across on your own or probably wouldn’t even give the time of day to under normal circumstances. Since I haven’t successfully found a guy, I am not sure that I am the best judge of character. Recently I have been meeting some real pieces of work. So I am very open to the suggestions of others. When socializing by referral, I think its best to meet people in a group setting that way there is no pressure. If they like what they see and hear both parties can decide to exchange information. This is fair for both parties and if it’s a complete bust no one’s feelings are hurt or bruised.

 

This was the set up a year and a half ago. I went with a friend to an event and briefly met a guy she wanted to introduce me to. What’s funny is that I realized I had met him before. We talked for less than maybe three minutes and then we had to get to our seats. My friend asked if I was interested and minded if he called. I like meeting new people…actually I don’t like the process but I do like new ideas that new people bring. Physically he was so my type and that’s the basis of initial interest so I gave my friend the thumbs up. We had two conversations. First conversation went well. Second conversation was a waste of my time.

 

My thing is that I like guys who are unavailable, either by circumstance or distance. It’s what I attract, what I specialize in. I can meet ten guys in one evening. Nine out of ten of them will be emotionally available and geographically desireable, but I will inevitably pick the one who just got out of a five year relationship and lives in Fiji. Our first conversation was fun and flirty, but no real substance. Second conversation we started talking about important things such as occupation and lifestyle. This conversation established that he lived in a nother city, of course, I almost expected it. Our conversation was speeding along at a steady pace until he metioned that he had kids and multiple baby mamas. WTH? I was in a definite hell no to kids phase, so I distinctly remember shutting down and thinking how I could end the conversation as quickly as possible. Then he did something really strange. He said he was just kidding about the kids and baby mamas. He just wanted to see how I was going to react. WTH! Excuse me? I was even more turned off. Who lies about children? Plus I hate when people purposefully do things to get a reaction. I am not your average lady, so nine out of ten times you will not get the reaction you expected. I will most likely come out of left field on you. Trust me on this. Since I didn’t get his strange sense of humor that was the last conversation we had.

 

We never spoke again until I rolled into a bar to watch a football game with a group of friends. We ended up seated at the same table . We were soon engaged in a lively conversation about why I hadn’t accepted him as a friend on facebook. My explanation we had no friends in common and I didn’t recognize his name or picture. We all had a rolling good time and promised to get together again real soon.

 

I am on my way home and I get a text from my girl. Basically he wants to know if he can get my number.

 

Now I’m thinking wait do I give him my number. That evening he seemed cool but I kept thinking about our previous conversation with the kid nonsense. I thought maybe he has matured, but then I was like wait hold up he has my number….or at least he should. In this age of cell phones, numbers aren’t generally deleted unless you lose a cell. So did he delete me? And if he deleted me should I even give him my number again? However, what most intrigued me was why he didn’t just ask for my number before I left. Maybe the facebook thing caused confusion, but still why didn’t he just ask for my number HIMSELF? Hmmmm

 

So now I don’t know whether I should give him my number. Decisions….decisions…

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Bah Humbug or Cupid is Stupid…

The holidays are over, but it’s the best time of year so why not bring them back up. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday…but Christmas comes in a very close second. What’s not to love about those two? Everyone wants to get together for fun, food and fellowship. People want to give you stuff and it’s not even your birthday. Ah and the food is fantastic! It is strange that there are many foods that I only get to have once a year, but I LUV them like Honey baked ham, sweet potato soufflé, egg nog, Russian tea, coconut cake and fried turkey. It’s probably for the best because no one is concerned about fat content or caloric count of anything they are cooking which makes everything tastier. I think the most significant thing that happens around the holidays is that practically everyone, including myself, is more jolly and nice during this time of year. Then I was faced with my own holiday kindness test.

 

Get to the point….I’m getting there…

 

It’s a fact, if you are a good woman you can’t get rid of men. They might not behave like you want them to or even call when you want them to, but they will always comeback. It’s on their own timetable based upon how bad they think they messed up the last go round or if they left to go chase a NO-good woman. Once they calculate the screw-up and the time necessary to cool off they will call to check-up on you, and see what’s going on. They are just trying to collect information, see if you are still mad, if you still care and to determine the competition. I am oh to familiar with this pattern. I get a few calls every month. Some calls I ignore, some calls cause me to fall out laughing, but other calls I answer. I received a check-up call the day before Christmas eve. I hadn’t heard from him since my birthday, but it’s the holidays and people get all sentimental and long for the comfort of familiar people, places and things. Plus I was in a most festive mood.

 

“Hello.”

“Ursala, Ursala, Ursala!” Said with that I got a plan for you while rubbing hands together. This tone creeps me out.

“Who is this”? I have caller ID, I know the identity of most every call I answer, but I can’t help but be myself.

“It’s Sebastian.” Of course I’ve changed names to protect those who are NOT innocent.

“Hi.”

“What’s good, how have you been?”

“Fine.”

“That’s great. You have been on my mind. I lost my cell and I had to hunt your number down. I even called you at work. Did you leave your job?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“It was time to go.”

“So what have you been up to?”

“A little of this, a little of that.”

“You aren’t going to make this easy are you?”

“Nope.” I wanted to say why should I, but decided to keep that to myself.

“Ursala, be nice. Isn’t this your favorite time of year.” Such a blasphemous devil, using my emotional connection to Christmas for his demented plans.

“What do you want?” I like to see what direction someone is going in before I make a move.

“Get to the point. Okay. I want to see you. I miss your pretty smile. A friend of mine is having a dinner tomorrow and I wanted you to come with me.”

“You want ME to go to a dinner party with YOU on Christmas Eve?”

“Yes!” He chuckled like a little boy who stumbled upon his dad’s collection of playboys.

“No!”

 

I understand calling around major holidays and or a birthday. It presents a perfect excuse to call, wish someone a happy holiday and then strike up a conversation. I can go along with that and even be quite cordial. Holidays put me in a warm, fuzzy mood and I’m pretty open to anything. At least I thought so until I received his phone call.  It is one thing to call on say October 5th and invite someone to a dinner party the following day. However, it is something very different to request someone who you are border line on non-speaking terms with to accompany you to a holiday soiree. Holidays are supposed to be happy times even if you have to fake it, but it is only fair and appropriate to fake it for those I love and care about. What if he ticked me off? I have no incentive to act nice or be mature. I could end up spoiling his holiday as well as mine. I think that Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are only for family, special friends or an agreed upon significant other. Definitely not some silly little man I dated ages ago who is bored or rethinking his poor decision making. The audacity to cross such a line is bold, too bold for me. I can’t trust somebody like that or accompany them to a dinner party.

 

Fast forward to today…

I am minding my own business when my cell rings and I see an unidentified number. There’s a lot going in my life right now so it’s necessary to answer all calls if I am available.

 

“Good Afternoon, this is Ursala.”

“I like when you answer your phone all professional. You sound so sexy. What are you wearing?”

“Hello?!?” My voice went up a couple of octaves with a tinge of attitude.

“Ursala, calm down, it’s me Sebastian. I’ve missed you. Do you miss me?”

“Can’t say that I do.” A lie, but he doesn’t respect sincerity.

“I know you do, that’s why you answered the phone.” Ughhh I hate this man, he is so arrogant. I like a very cocky, confident man, borderline arrogant, but he is too extra.

“I’m having a great day please don’t spoil it for me.”

“What happened to the sweet girl I once knew?”
“She grew into a lady that doesn’t deal with @ssholes.”

“Stop it with the language. You are to pretty to use words like that.”

“I’m busy and you are using up my daytime minutes.”

“I know that deep down you love me and I care about you. I want us to spend Valentine’s day together. I want to take you out. What do you say?”

“No!”

 

What is dude’s deal? I haven’t heard from him since December 23, 2008 and now he is on my phone asking me to spend what is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year. A day that is reserved for lovers or sweet crushes and acts of sincere love or infatuation. I am already feeling a little strange since I haven’t had a REAL valentine since 2006. I mean I’m not going to be depressed or sad on valentine’s day, nothing close to that. However, I don’t think Valentine’s day is easy for single ladies and it is wrong to play to that emotion to get a date. I think it’s just plan selfish and rude. Or is it kindness and I’m evil?

Just Say no to Sex or The Drought…

Overheard last night while eaves dropping on an adorable couple at the John Legend concert…

“I can’t wait to get you home.”

“Baby you’ll get lucky before we make it out the parking lot.”

The concert was excellent. Johnny was all pretty boy cool with his trademark smile and dimples. If only I could slink across the piano as he played. Oh and ladies he’s been in the gym, cause I don’t remember him having little guns. Estelle opened for him and she was terrific. She had on these monsoon causing butterfly wing eyelashes that I could see from my seat. Where do I get those? They sure aren’t at the MAC counter.  You should definitely see him in concert when his tour makes it to a city near you.

 

I said all that to say that it’s not fun going home to an empty bed on a cold night after a Johnny Boy Crooner concert. It got me to thinking about my current manless situation. How did I get here, not having any one to call for post concert cuddling? Is it too much to ask for a designated cuddle partner? A while back I realized that it was possibly I who created the imbalance in my relationship equation. I am not totally sure how I can manipulate the U variable right now, and not sure that I want to, but at least I recognize the problem. Isn’t that the first step on the road to recovery? Plus I am definitely in act right mode, now if only I could find a man who wants to act right with me.

 

The randy couple in front of me also highlighted something that dawned on me last night. It’s been over a year since I’ve done the nasty. What is even more significant is that I did not do the dirty deed in 2008. I am in my twenties and I didn’t do it for a complete calendar year. Wild!?! I just shut down and boarded it up. I have gone out a lot, but have not even come close to getting any. I don’t even put myself in situations where anything remotely sexual can happen. I say no to houses, don’t invite anyone up and there is absolutely no heavy petting. Why? I am afraid of S-E-X.

 

How does someone become frightened of S-E-X? Well it’s a short story that could be told in long form, but it’s unnecessary. I went out with a guy, went back to his place, proceeded to fool around, but before things got exciting I saw an open condom wrapper on the floor. The first thing that went through my mind was oh my word he’s a nasty rotten little whore. He just had sex probably hours ago and if I had gone along with things he would have had sex with me too. What kind of disgusting, perverted, licentious man does that? A corrupt, depraved little sexual miscreant, that’s who. I was stunned and speechless. I know that I would have had a mental break down right in his house had anything actually happened. I would have been comforted by the fact that he wrapped up, but the ideas that would have swirled through my head such as he might not have even bathed between acts, would have sent me over the edge. Whew, so glad we didn’t have to pick up the pieces from that. A simple little condom wrapper lead me to distrust having sex, with anyone that was not my designated, previously agreed upon significant other also known as my man.  

 

I was severely tramautized, and it is only now that I realize that it was this event that caused me to be so selective and firm about having a man before anything happens. It shocked me. It shocked me into recognizing that everyone does not share my beliefs and standards, I am not built for casual sex, I value the act and should find someone who shares my outlook and sex can and does kill.  It brought me back to reality.  In many ways I am grateful because I might have made different decisions had I not seen that wrapper. That one little object, ended my sexual revolution of sorts. Sometimes single moments define you. I have been afraid ever since, but it was only last night that I put the pieces together and realized that unconsciously I have decided not to be sexually active, not even fool around. My fear caused me to be cold and to shun any outward displays of affection.  It wasn’t a decision that I specifically intended, I think it was done subconsciously. Now that I have discovered the source of my unconscious decision making, I need to design a therapy program because I would like to at least have a cuddle buddy while I find my man.

 

Any Ideas???