The Brunch…

I need to redirect my chi, cleanse my karma or maybe I need to forgive somebody because I must not be living right. Today I went to brunch with a married man. A tall, handsome, clean-cut, educated, have my ish together, but joined in marriage to somebody man. After learning this vital piece of information I wondered did I miss something? Maybe my wires got crossed, but I now my circuitry and everything is working properly. Did I push up on him? I will flirt which includes smiling or making eye contact and holding it for more than three seconds, but from my recollection I didn’t even notice him. He was trying to holler, right? I think as a single woman I know when someone is hollering.

 

I was standing in line at Doc Greens in the way of people who knew what they wanted. After two weeks of no greens, I needed vegetables, but I was overwhelmed by all the possibilities. I allowed several patrons to pass me as I tried to figure out what I was going to order. I finally decided on some type of veggie, mushroom wrap. When I got to the register my meal had been paid for. I looked up and saw the smiling culprit holding my food. I thanked him, took the bag and proceeded to the condiment island. This is where the story should have ended, but he wanted to holler.

 

He came over introduced himself and we engaged in unnecessary small talk. See I had on sweats and flip flops, so I wasn’t really trying to get hollered at. Despite my desire to remain incognito I was Miss Chatty. The fact that he was cute as a button, sort of like an over grown boy, helped as well. He asked for my information. I declined and instead asked for his card. He said he didn’t have one so I ended up giving him my number. I am certain that he had a card, but I played along with his little game. He called shortly after I left the parking lot. Turns out we had a lot more to talk about.

 

Conversation flowed very easily, so it was no surprise when he asked me to dinner. I suggested we have brunch since breakfast is my favorite meal. At brunch, we settled into a traditional round of Prince or Michael Jackson, religious or atheist, democrat or republican, east coast or west coast, summer or winter, paper or plastic. We ended up talking about our families, and this round of questioning led to do you have kids and the all important what’s your marital status. When he said no kids I thought YESSSSSS! I was not prepared for the next answer. He responded that he had been married once. I asked, “How long have you been divorced?”

He responded, “I’m not divorced, I’m still married.”

I looked at him. Then I looked around the restaurant. I then said, “Are you separated?”

“Nope, I’m married.”

I whispered back “You are married?!?” He whispered back “Yes!”

 

My jaw dropped and nothing came out, but there were so many things running through my mind all at once, but I couldn’t find the appropriate response. What is the proper reaction or response to why yes I am married? I was also trying to figure out if I had missed something. There was no ring on his finger, I was sure that he picked ME up at Doc Greens, and after all of the prior conversations and texts I didn’t remember anything that indicated he was taken and he was definitely fresh and flirty. I was immediately uncomfortable, pissed, irritated and nervous. I was scared his wife might pop out of the bushes. I shared this fear with him and he replied “Oh she’s in LA.” Whew I was relieved, but then I was like WTH!

 

Of course I chose to dig deeper and ask questions instead of throwing my lemonade on him and storming out. I really think that kind of stuff only happens on tv. He explained that he never intended for things to get as far as brunch. Originally he just planned to pay for my meal and wasn’t trying to get my number. My response to that was “Well why did you ask for it?” He said I seemed nice and it was real easy talking to me. He only planned to talk to me on the phone ever so often. My response to that was“You realize you called me like three minutes after I gave you my number?” He replied “I wanted to talk to you. Didn’t you think we had a good conversation?” I ignored this and explained that he should have revealed that he was married somewhere between can I get your number and let’s go out to eat. He didn’t agree, he felt it never came up in conversation. Plus he added this was new territory for him and this was the first time he had gone out with another woman. He finished his statement with “You should be flattered, I never do this.” I wanted to tap him real good in the jaw as he sat across from me all smug, but seemingly sincere.

 

I told him that I was in no way flattered by his attention because he wasn’t available. His attention did the exact opposite it made me feel uncomfortable. We also talked about whether he was happy. My advice for any person in a relationship, if you aren’t happy leave, but if you are happy stay true and faithful. He wasn’t unhappy, so in my mind he was just greedy and selfish. I know that I shouldn’t have sat and talked to him after he told me he was married. I just wanted to understand the mindset, but none of what we discussed helped me understand. Plus I was further irritated when he mentioned that he thought we could be friends. What was strange is that nothing about him seemed slimy, trifling or fraudulent. But the devil never comes in a hideous disguise, he is always pleasing to the ears and easy on the eyes. Since I don’t want to go to hell, I told him we couldn’t be friends.

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what you talkin’ bout Willis…

I must warn you this is long…

 

I decided to go out on a blind date. A kind hearted friend of mine who is concerned about me finding a potential husband felt it necessary to intervene due to my failed attempts to find someone on my own. It might be an interesting experiment to involve other people in the ridiculousness that I have found dating in the A. Don’t get me wrong it is fun, exciting and entertaining, but since I am not doing a good job of picking the winners I felt it might be helpful to involve others.

 

I agreed to meet the blind date for drinks before going to a sporting event. I am not into sports at all. I take that back I will go to a game to eat funnel cakes or go to a championship game party to eat cheese dip. Other than that I pretty much avoid sports. I texted, the devil, my friend the day of regarding the date specifics. She wouldn’t really tell me anything other than his name, a few physical characteristics so that I could identify him and where we were to meet. I arrived at the designated spot a little early and sat down at the bar. I was there for about twenty five minutes when I became a little concerned, the blind date hadn’t showed. I thought to myself am I being stood up. Then my phone buzzed. Luckily, I went to the wrong restaurant, by no fault of mine there was some confusion over the name of the place. Relieved, I texted her that I was leaving and on my way to the correct place which turned out to be a sports bar.

When I arrived at the bar I went inside and texted my friend that I was at the right place. I walked through the place looking from face to face for someone who fit the general description of my blind date. I went back to the  front of the place and scanned the room. A group of men standing nearby asked me if HE was late. I chuckled and told them I wasn’t sure yet. I looked at my phone and I had another text, this one said that he was there and looking for me. There was a man standing off to the right of me who looked like he fit the description, I looked at him then looked back off into the crowd. I thought to myself is that him. I figured it probably was my blind date, so I looked back and said “Are you _____?” He responded yes. I looked at him most likely with a blank look on my face, since I was literally thinking what was my friend thinking, but then I smiled and held my hand out. He was bald, about medium height, with an athletic build and a light beard or maybe it was a five o’clock shadow. He wore a leather motorcycle jacket and had a bandana tied to his head. His voice was raspy like he drank 40’s and smoked a pack of cigarettes every day. My biggest issue was the tooth pick hanging out of his mouth. Damn P. Diddy for popularizing the use of the after dinner food particle dislodger as a fashionable mouth accessory. Guys it is not sexy to keep a tooth pick in your mouth. If you have to use it, do so then discard it.

After I quickly sized him up I told him how I thought it was hilarious that I had gone to the wrong restaurant. He said it was no problem and that he was just happy I got there. He told me to follow him and we went upstairs to find a seat. When we sat down we played 21 questions. We started off with where are you from. We are both originally from the same place, but he went to some random highschool in the city. I thought this was strange because I was sure my friend said they went to the same school. I glossed over this and asked him how old he was. He seemed a little older than what I expected and what she texted me, but I thought well maybe she told me that just to get me out and or she hit the wrong numbers. I was under the impression that we were going to the game so I asked if we should get going since we got started a little late. He said the game was in the third quarter and by the time we got there the game would be over. Then he asked if I wanted to leave and go somewhere else. I declined and told him I knew he wanted to see the game and it was fine if we stayed because I liked the bar’s sweet potato fries. Next I asked him what he did. He said he was a ____. I was instantly intrigued because I had never met a ____ and I had tons of questions to ask him. Despite my curiosity the snob in me reared its ugly head and I thought oh my, did my friend really think I would be interested in him. She knows me and I thought my type so I made a mental note that we would need to discuss later. I am not going to tell you what he did because I don’t think it is necessary to offend anyone who does what he does or knows someone that does. At this point, a waiter comes up to the table we are sitting at and says that we have to move because the space is reserved. He suggests we go to the roof top, and I was like why it’s cold outside. He grins and says that they have heaters, I thought be easy so instead of protesting I follow him up the stairs. I think to myself I just have to make it through one date.

Luckily when we get upstairs a manager is coming out of the door and says they are shutting the roof top down in 10 minutes. I start walking back down the stairs and he is like where are you going. I tell him that I would like to put our names in to get a table and get settled. He says that he wants to smoke a cigarette. I smile and think oh great and he smokes too I have hit the jackpot. I told him that I would wait on him downstairs. I guess he changed his mind because he followed me back downstairs. Once we arrived at the hostess stand he asked me again if I wanted to leave and I replied that since I had gone to the wrong place initially and we weren’t going to the game I wanted to stay put. I wasn’t moving my car I had already spent $20 parking and I wasn’t getting in his car or possibly on his bike.

Of course there was a wait, so I just put my name in for a table. My phone starts to ring and since it’s my friend I answer my cell. My friend screams at me where are you and I’m like I’m sitting here with your friend. She is like cool glad you found him, he called me and screamed on me because he was getting anxious. I look at him and said you screamed at her, then I said to her I will handle him and chat with you later. I then turn to him and asked why he felt it necessary to scream on her. He responded that whatever he said wasn’t that bad. He then asked me what I did for a living. I told him that it wasn’t nearly as interesting as his job and asked him another question about what he did.

I was seated facing him when someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around to see a young man standing behind me holding out a cell phone and he said your friend is on the phone and handed me his cell. I look back at my blind date then back to the young man and see my friend’s name in the phone he is handing to me so of course I take the phone and said Hello. My friend is yelling at me and said you are talking to the wrong guy. I respond What!?!?!? She then screams at me again you are talking to the wrong guy!!! WTF! I look back at my blind date and immediately I’m like oh my gosh who are you then I look at the guy who brought the cell phone over. I then tell my girl in my defense I want you to know that they look similar. They did in the sense that they were both bald with a beard, medium height with an athletic build and that would be exactly where the similarities ended. I look at my fake blind date and I’m like you told me your name was ______. Then he is all like oh no my name is Anthony. My mind is reeling, but I’m happy that my friend didn’t really hook me up with this guy and it was all just crazy confusion. I told her I had to go so I could sort it all out.

I tell the fake blind date that he should be shamed lying and tell him that while it was nice to meet him I have to go. I am relieved, but still angry. The horror of this blind date is still haunting as I type. First that this psycho man played along and acted like he was my blind date when he knew good and well he was not. Second that he tried to take me to a second location. Oh the tragedy had I left with him. NOTHING good happens if the perpetrator takes you to a second location.  Third the snobbery that I experienced that I have never formally recognized but now I know I possess. 

If and when you go out on a blind date ask to see a license.

So what do you think about a blind date…

I have reached the coupling age. The time when everyone around seems to be looking for deeper more meaningful relationships that lead to some serious form of commitment, marriage and a family. As a woman I realize that I have a shelf life, youth and beauty will fade and it is great to get while the getting is good. I survived one coupling cycle when I graduated from college. A third of my college friends married shortly after we graduated. Unfortunately, only one of those marriages is still in tact. I like to refer to those early marriages as the trial marriages. Those marriages are just to test the waters and rarely last. The coupling is in full force right now, maybe it’s because it’s cold outside and the holidays are coming up. Nonetheless that loving feeling is in the air and it ain’t cause it’s spring.

 

Due to the coupling season, it never surprises me when relationships and dating come up in groups of three or more women. I was having dinner with friends and the conversation drifted to the men folk. Half of the group was happily coupled or dating someone with lots of potential. I fell into the second group, those who are casually going out and seeing multiple people. I explained my situation and that I am cool with it. Basically, I go out and do so often, but I’m enjoying myself. I haven’t found anyone that I should settle down with. I have settled down before and I know what it feels like. It’s generally a whirlwind of emotions and bliss and kissing and blushing and giggles and butterflies and what are you doing so I can be there too. I know what it looks like and it hasn’t found me. In the meantime, I just enjoy the entertainment.

 

Well one of my friends didn’t want to just leave it at that. She asked “Do you want to get married?” I hate this question because it can mean so many different things depending on who says it and in what tone and after a certain line of questioning. It was only fair that she asked this question. I know that part of it is due to the fact that about four years ago I was nearly obsessed with marriage. It was so unlike me because before that relationship I had never concerned myself with marriage. I don’t think it was so much marriage that I wanted as it was a desire to be engaged. Actually maybe it was not even so much to be engaged, but just to have my hand spoken for publicly. My head was abuzz and it seemed only a ring on my left hand would silence it. I was in a serious relationship where the natural next step was an engagement. Looking back I realize that this idea was based on my upbringing, societal norms and an understanding of dating that made me believe that it was the only natural progression to what we shared. It was not necessarily based on what he and I needed to do. A ring consumed me and I talked about it constantly. I generally delivered soliloquies to whoever would listen but quietly to my ramblings. Each soliloquy ended with the question was there a U variable in his equation since I hadn’t received a ring. I am older and wiser and no longer afflicted by the needforaringitist.

 

Anyway, I told her “Yeah, I guess, eventually at some point if and when I found someone that I want to marry.” Next she asked “How do you feel about a blind date? I have someone I want you to meet.” I love that people are concerned about me and my love life. I often find that people want to help me and I appreciate their concern. I have been out on two blind dates. Both went extraordinarily well so I don’t have anything against blind dates. However, I have heard horror stories about them and I am shy. So I am always hesitant to agree to them, which is why I have only been on two. There must have been a full moon out because sitting at the table with all eyes on me I said “Sure. Why not?!”

 

To be continued…

I kissed a girl…

I went out over the weekend with a guy that I met at the airport while trying to pull my suitcase off of the carousel. I was on the phone, holding my purse and carry-on bag while grabbing at my bag. He came up behind me and pulled the bag off the ramp. I turned and thanked him and then proceeded to head to the exit. He stopped me and at first I was a little annoyed, but he told me this really funny knock knock joke that caused me to laugh. Once you got me laughing you are so in. We talked while we both waited for our rides and since no one ever picks me or him up on time we were able to have a nice conversation. Turns out we went to rival highschools and have a lot of mutual friends. We have been at the same parties, but never met. Strange, but as I grow older the world seems to get smaller every day.

 

We exchanged numbers, but I didn’t really expect to hear from him, unless he was having a co-ed function or a birthday party. I was a little surprised when he called the next day, but I like a man who knows what he likes and goes after it. We either have a lot in common or we both just like to run our mouths because we talked for over four hours. I got off the phone because my ears were being singed by my hot cell phone (by the way I hate my new LG Shine) otherwise we probably would have kept on talking. We agreed to meet for a glass of wine or two at the Grape the next day.

 

I arrived at the Grape about twenty minutes late so he was already seated at the bar. The place was pretty crowded so we decided to stay put instead of getting a table. While we were sitting there the cell phone of the party sitting to the left of us started ringing and it was playing the song “I kissed a girl” by that Katie girl. They didn’t answer it so the song continued to play and I started bopping my head to the beat and sang along. This must have piqued his curiosities cause he asked “Do you like that song?”

“Yeah kind of.”

“Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“No, I have not.”

“You never tried it when you were in school? Don’t lie to me I won’t judge you.”

“No, just because I went to a girl’s school did not make me want to experiment.” I believe some men think if you go to a same sex school the probability of freakiness and lesbianism increases.

“So are you saying you would never kiss another woman? Are you open minded?”

“I am open minded, but I am not kissing another woman.” I also think that guys often confuse what being open minded really is. I can be spontaneous and go on vacation with a day’s notice (some believe you should never do anything without advance notice especially a trip because it means you were not the first choice) or agree to do something like sky diving which I have never done. I am willing to try a new type of food, hang out in a new neighborhood, use a new mascara, entertain new opinions, wear a new trend or color, take a different route to the city, try a new drink and maybe even answer questions that I feel are inappropriate or make me feel uncomfortable. Those are the acts of an open minded person.

“Just like you dig that song you might like kissing a girl, but how would you know unless you try it.” He said this with all seriousness.

I am not happy about the direction this conversation is going. I am a confessed prude, but I like that song. It’s catchy and cute, but I have no desire to kiss a girl. Women are beautiful and I have a girl crush, but I do not want to do anything with another woman. I like men and only want to kiss them. I am not gay or bisexual and do not want or need to experiment with my sexuality. It is not something I need to try so that I can rule it out, I know what I like and don’t like.

 

“I am not attracted to women like that and why are you so concerned?”

“I just want to see if you are open to a little ménage.”

After he said this I have a very alarmed look on my face.

“Relax, I just want to know if you are mature and don’t think kissing a girl makes you a lesbian. I want a girl who is open to trying things if she knows her man likes it.”

“You can stop right there. We have established right now that I am not the girl for you.” Again confusion, poor thing. A woman can be kinky, raunchy and nasty with her man without introducing another woman. This man is going around thinking girls who like or would try kissing a girl are open minded. These girls may not be open minded at all, they just like kissing girls, plus it really is not a measure of anything other than they have some lesbian tendencies. Oh and she might leave his behind for another woman.

“Now hold up you don’t need to jump to that conclusion. I might be able to convince you otherwise, I may be the one to bring the freak out.” He starts smiling and rubbing my hand. I remove my hand and pick up my wine glass. For all his education and charm he has lost me. First I think I opened myself up to it, I was the one who brought attention to the song. Second why did I let him draw me in I should have just changed the subject. Asked him what ring tones he had on his phone. Since I don’t care at this point where this conversation goes I said,

“Do you want to kiss a dude?”

“Hell no!”

“Why not, you might find you like it?”

“I am not kissing a man. It is more natural for women to kiss y’all are already so affectionate towards each other.”

“Well if you are looking for a lady who aims to please and you want another woman and I agree to it I think it is only fair that you in turn try to please me. So if you get another woman in the bedroom I get another man.”

“Another woman is beautiful. Another man is just nasty and some gay ish. I am not sharing my girl. Another man is just swinging.” He said this with such disgust.

I laughed and just rolled my eyes. Funny how he expects his woman to be all open minded and try new things, but he shuts down the moment I suggested he do something he has never done. What a double standard. He seemed offended by the audacity of me to even suggest that he should consider another man.

He looks uncomfortable and is looking around so I said “We can ease you into it, something simple, you can let him kiss your cheeks first, but I’ll pick which set.”

I wish you could have seen his face. I have never seen a guy perfectly arch his eye brow. He was speechless. I picked up my glass and took another sip of wine.

Love in this Club…

I am a strong believer that the club is NOT where I should meet men. Don’t get me wrong great people go to the club. I go to the club and my friends go to the club, but it is the last place I would consider when looking for a man. I could meet a man who is the embodiment of all that I desire, possess all 67 of the things I want in a man, but if I met him at the club it would be a no go. The mixture of booze, dim lights, smoke and late night hours just doesn’t make me feel comfortable trusting myself with anyone I might meet while I am there. However, I do believe that men think that they can really find that special someone at the club.

 

I no longer go to the club just to hang out. I go out with a purpose and for a reason. My purpose this Saturday was a celebration of life, one of my favorite friends was celebrating her 30th birthday so I decided to step out for a night on the town. Looking nice, smelling nice, feeling nice I headed to dinner and then out to the club.

 

When we arrived at the club I picked out a prime wall location to watch and observe. Once stationed, I watched purses and drinks while my friends danced. I don’t go to the club to dance, I go for the people, and I love to people watch. My favorite places for this past time include the airport, mall and of course the club. I was sitting down tapping my foot to the beat, but then my song came on by Mister Johnny Boy Legend I think it’s called Green Light. I had to get up and shake a tail feather, so I told one of my girls to watch everyone’s stuff. I ran to the dance floor and I was two stepping it all over the place. A guy came up behind me. Don’t like that at all so I turned around to tell him as much, but he was cute so I decided I could dance a little jig with him. We shimmied, two stepped and he twirled me twice. When the song went off I made my way back to my post. He followed me.

 

“You ran off the dance floor, you don’t like the way I dance?”

“Oh, I don’t really dance; I do a little something when my jam comes on.” I snapped my fingers, puckered my lips and started to shake my hips. He started to laugh. “But seriously I don’t dance.”

“Oh, I thought I might have scarred you off?”
“Oh not at all.”

“Hope another one of your jams comes on then.”

“Don’t get greedy, you were lucky, it’s rare that I dance.”

“Excuse me? You are funny. Do you want something to drink?”

“Oh no I’m fine. I have some water right here.”

“Let me get you a real drink.”

“No thank you, I’m not drinking, but maybe my girl wants something.” I turn to my friend standing next to me and ask her if she wants a drink. I then turn back to him and tell him she wants a martini. He looks at me funny and then leans in and asks,

“What’s your name?”

“I’m Ursala, and you are?”

“I’m M______”

“My friend wants a martini.”

“I didn’t ask your friend if she wanted a drink I asked you.”

“Well I don’t want one, but she does.” He then signaled some dude, he walked over they had a quick exchange. Then he says her drink is coming.

“Thanks!”

He asked me a couple more questions, but then he asked if I had any kids, I was turned off. I hate when guys ask this question. We are at the club, keep it light and breezy.  I told him no, then I completely turned my body and started talking to my girl. He tapped me on my shoulder after a while and asked a few more questions I didn’t care to answer. I then excused myself and walked off. I didn’t see him anymore that evening until I came out of the club. He walks over to me and says.

“It was nice meeting you. Did you have a good time?”

“Yes I did!”

“I have a question for you. Where did I go wrong?”

“Huh?!? What?”

“I thought we were having a good conversation, but then you walked off. Then I saw you talking to some other guy and you were laughing and carrying on. You looked like you were really having a good time. What did he say to you? I am just trying to improve myself, step up my game. I think you are beautiful and you seem like a nice girl. I am a nice guy, have my ish together and I want to know what a girl like you wants to hear.”

 

I am really weirded out. I am thinking this dude is crazy, but I could tell he was sincere and really serious so I felt like I should try to help him. I am a sucka for a person who appears to be in need. Plus I love to share my opinions, so when someone asks for it who am I to deny them. I didn’t really know what to tell him. I couldn’t really remember the conversation I had with the guy he was talking about, but I remembered he was funny and light. So I say “Uhm, you want to know what he said?”

“Yes, what did he say to you?”

“Well it’s not really what he said. When at the club I’m not looking for deep conversation. I can barely hear you and I don’t need you screaming a whole lot of stuff in my ear. So just keep it simple and light. Crack a joke, tell me I look nice, and ask I don’t know maybe why I’m out.”

“What was wrong with what I said?”

“You ask too many questions.”

“You think I was asking too many questions.”

“Yes. It was like 21 Questions.”

“Well I wanted to get to know you.”

“While we are at the club?”

“When I meet someone I like I want to gather information. I didn’t come at you all Ay Shawty and I feel like you just dismissed me. I’m a nice guy and girls are always talking about there are no good guys, but here I am. It’s just girls like you don’t give me a chance.”

I started thinking oh geeze the nice guy spiel, I have opened up a can of worms and here he goes trying to get all deep on me. I don’t have time to dissect why he can’t get quality girls to like him. That will take time and lots more questions. I’m out trying to enjoy myself not provide dating counseling, but want to help him out a bit. So I say “Well you shouldn’t be looking for girls like me at the club. If you want to showcase all of your nice guy qualities you might have better luck at the grocery store or maybe the mall. I am not trying to have conversation like you desire while I am at the club. As far as what to say doesn’t really matter what you say if you start with a compliment. Don’t ask for basic vital information past a name and a hometown. A conversation is an organic, but living thing. It can develop in so many ways. One good question can receive hundreds of different answers if it’s a good question. If someone doesn’t seem interested find someone else, you will click with someone.”

“I like you, we need to get together. You make me want to put a ring on it. I like where your head is at. I can tell you are sweet standing out here trying to help me out. I really like you, let me get your number we need to talk some more and make plans for dinner.”

“No, see we didn’t click. You need to find someone that YOU actually click with. Have a good evening and get home safe.” I then looked at him crazy and walked off.

Thank your Garbage Man…

This is old, but I had to post it.

 

I enjoy investigative reporting. I like 60 minutes, 20/20 and local news reports on corruption, waste and scandals. It makes me feel good to know the scoundrels have been brought to justice. I especially enjoy when someone has been busted and they are running, while holding one hand up to protect their face and the other hand up in front of a camera. Today was different. Investigative Reporter Jodie Fleischer was investigating how garbage men were not collecting trash while on the clock. “What!?!” I thought they can’t be serious. They have gone to far. Were they really going to blow the whistle on garbage men? The answer was Yes.

See the link , http://www.wsbtv.com/video/17926562/

 

The video evidence was damning. I cringed. The two garbage men were shown taking two to three hour breaks, eating and fraternizing, and they weren’t even in the city they serviced all while on the clock. Of course their time sheets were pulled which included an abundance of over time entries. All of this information was passed along to their boss and he looked displeased as he watched the video surveillance. His response was that they violated city policies and they would be dealt with.

This is the first time when I was not sure what crime had been committed. As a tax paying citizen of my community I hate to see money wasted. However, I didn’t see where and how my money was wasted. My trash is collected and I am certain that the trash on their route was collected as well. Otherwise I am sure they would have shown it, as well as a customer complaining about it. If the trash is collected who cares how long it takes? Or even how much money it cost to collect it? The current fee is nominal in my mind.

 

Here’s the issue I do not think we should give trash collectors a hard time. What if they decided to strike and demand higher pay? I need them to be happy and free to do whatever is best to collect the trash. Have you ever been to a land fill? Land fills are disgusting and repulsive. Garbage men go there daily.  I trust them to manage their time and efforts to get the trash collected. I don’t know what mental state a garbage man might be in after collecting the trash of others. If they need a three hour break to get their mind right let them take it. They deal with trash they deserve it and most likely need it. Plus they are the trash professionals I trust their judgment.

 

Think about it most people don’t even want to look at their trash let alone touch it. I actually clean my trash can weekly, but the moment something goes in the bin it is instantly contaminated and I won’t touch it. Think about trash you may have forgotten over a weekend or behind the bin. Since it was forgotten the trash is likely rancid, spoiled and reeks, the stench alone probably singed your nose hairs. What did you do when you discarded it? You probably picked it up, turned your head and ran to throw it in the dumpster. It’s your trash, yet you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at it. Have you ever passed a dumpster that was so putrid and rotten that your senses were traumatized? Now imagine this is what you deal with daily. This is what they do every single day they go to work. Yes, it is their job, they chose it, but it’s not easy work. They collect the discarded, useless, unwanted waste and it is not a pretty job. It’s largely a thankless job. I don’t know my garbage man, but I do believe he deserves a pat on the back. Maybe even a pay raise. I do not care if he wants to rest for one hour after each hour he has collected trash, so long as the trash is collected. I could care less how long it takes or how many over time hours he uses up. This is a cost I am willing to bear and I will look the other way. Jodie should be ashamed to have blown the whistle on these kind hearted saints who just wanted to take a break between hauling other people’s waste.

The Favorite Child…

While eating dinner with my Mother and Granny the topic of favorites came up.

My Granny mentioned that all her children think that she loves her grandchildren more. I said “Of course Granny, cause you do! How can you help yourself we are your grandbabies? We are so much fun and cute as buttons.” I think it is only natural for this to be the case, it’s what nature intended. I mean geesh you have to raise your own children and put up with all of their bs, but with grandchildren it is different. The grands can come over so you can spoil them and when they start to raise hell you can pack them up and send them back to their folks. You are not responsible for ensuring that they turn out to be high-functioning citizens. Sure you can help, but the buck does not stop on the grandparent. 

 

My grandmother was all kindness and sweetness when she responded to this accusation, especially since my mother was sitting right there, she said “No, I love all my children and grandchildren equally. I love each one differently, but I love each and every one of them the same. There are no favorites.” I don’t ever roll eyes in front of my Granny, but if there ever was a time to do so, this was it. So I just said “Granny are you serious? You don’t have to tell us your favorite, but you know you have a favorite. At least admit that there is one child or grandchild that you love just a little bit more than the rest.” Then my Mother chimes in “Mothers love all their children equally, there is no place for a favorite. You grow a heart for each child, I love all my children for their uniqueness and each makes me smile.” Again I want to roll my eyes due to all this Hallmark greeting card sentiment but instead I said “So you are telling me Mothers don’t have favorites? Okay well maybe our family is the exception because I know there are Mothers out there who like one of their offspring more than the rest. For example, Mother I know hands down my little sister is your favorite.” My grandmother frowned and said “Well she thinks you are the favorite. But why do you care? As long as you feel loved, why are you even concerned about whether there is a favorite?” Then my mother said “Plus UK you don’t have any children so you don’t understand a mother’s love.” Leave it to my mother to put limitations on my ability to understand, but I just am not buying it! Favorite children do exist!

 

True. I do not have any children, and I am not certain that I will. A child is a toss up for me, it really depends on what day you catch me. One day I want one, the next seven I don’t. Those buggers are complicated and require so much. I am not sure that I could handle the pressure and responsibility. I also think about mothers who curse at their children, don’t keep them clean and neat looking (hair and nails included), use them to manipulate people and don’t nurture and encourage them to develop their talents. I don’t think I would do any of these things, but I don’t think any mother starts off thinking I am going to be a bad mother it just happens. Anyway back to the point…I don’t think that by not having a child I can not understand the relationship between a mother and child. I may not be able to understand the emotional bond, but I understand human relationships.

 

Like anything in life there are favorites.  A favorite food, drink, book, store, shoe, lipgloss, purse, tv show, jogging trail, etc. I do realize that children aren’t things, but I have favorite people. So why would this not extend to my children? It seems entirely logical to me that I would have a favorite child. Even if I try to avoid singling one out, I am certain that their might be one that I get along with and understand better. Things or People become your favorite because of the way that the Object or Person makes you feel. The emotions good or bad that are derived from simply interacting determine what value you place on them. I have beloveds. I have people I love, but can’t stand, but I will cut a b!tch for them. I also have people that I like, but certainly don’t love. As well as people that I despise and neither love or like. We pick who want to be around, but you can’t pick your family members. You are stuck with them. Thus a favorite is born, the one you enjoy just a little or a LOT more than the others.

 

I don’t think we have absolute control over what people become our favorites, since in my mind it’s based on chemistry and a connection. There are people that you are drawn to more than others. They just make you happy and you like being around them. I honestly believe that both my Mother and Granny have a favorite. I just think they are frightened that by saying favorite it’s means to the detriment and neglect of the other children. I don’t think that is the case. I think mother’s have the capacity to make everyone feel wanted and loved and cared for. I mean despite my mother favoring my sister, I have never felt bad or hurt about it. Neither one would admit to it, but my gut tells me they were both lying. My simple solution to avoid having to deny that I have a favorite is to have one child.