I watched P.S. I love you last night. It is not a great movie. Plus it’s weird to see Hillary Swank in a romantic role because she is extremely manly to me. I loved her in million dollar baby, but don’t buy her in love with a man. Okay, back to the point. So her friend Denise, remember Phoebe from Friends, is the best. When she meets guys she gets straight to the point. She is all “Hello, what are your issues?” In the movie it’s funny, but I started to think why not do the same in real life? Her questioning goes something like this,
“Hi, I’m Denise. I love your tie.” She is all smiles and friendly.
Man responds with his name.
“Are you single?”
“Yes”
“Are you gay?”
“Yes”
After this response she turns on her heels and walks away. She approaches the next guy in the same way. She tells him her name, compliments him and then starts with the questions. This guy she gets a little further with, but when she asks him if he is working and he says no, she shuts him down and walks off.
Thought this was like the best part of the whole movie, but it really got me to thinking if I should change my approach or better yet what questions I ask from the beginning. Not much sense in getting three dates deep into a situation and then realizing that you have wasted time on someone who is not up to par. I need to ask the important questions up front, during the initial meeting. Time is precious and my most valuable asset, so I need to know what I am dealing with out the gate.
However, I have to figure out what is the best approach. Depending on the situation, you either meet a man on the go or with time to spare. When on the go it’s you caught my eye, what’s your name, where are you from, what do you do, do you mind if I call you? You are basically going off whether or not you like what you see. When it’s with time to spare it’s the above questions along with so what do you do in your free time, where do you hang out, what area do you live in, do you like to travel, what reality show do you watch? You are able to get a better idea of whether or not you and the guy have a little chemistry and if you like his vibe.
Unfortunately, these aren’t the hard hitting questions that need to be asked. These questions just establish if the person is cool enough to spend additional time getting to know. I don’t generally ask someone if they are single because I assume if they aren’t they would not be approaching me, but life has taught me that this is foolish. So maybe the questioning should start with are you single, are you gay or bisexual, then dive into have you ever been married, and if yes are you divorced, do you have a roommate, have you ever been to jail or convicted of a felony, have you ever showed up at someone’s house unannounced, has anyone ever placed a restraining order on you, why did your last relationship fail, do you believe in monogamy, do you have multiple sexual partners during the same time period, do you have any addictions, do you like yourself, are you a democrat or a republican, do you and your mother get along, are you suspect of all women? I think these could all be asked within three minutes if you request a yes or no response in advance. I am sure there are other important questions that should be asked initially, but this is a work in progress. I need to develop a set of real questions for the initial meeting. I generally use a slow drip approach divided between the initial dates, but no more.
I wonder if asking so many questions will make men uncomfortable? I am more concerned as to whether or not a man will answer these questions truthfully. A friend of mine was telling me how on her first date with a guy they played truth or dare. During the game a lot of personal questions were asked, and at first she felt strange, but then she thought he doesn’t know me so why be shy and she just opened right up. I hope I get the same results.
I am going to do this tomorrow when I go out, and I will report back with my findings.
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