No chaser…

I’ve have recently started to think that maybe I am truly the problem in my pursuit to have a male companion. If I am the common variable in all the equations, then just maybe U=Ursala is what’s messing everything up. It’s not them, it’s me. Eureka! The first step on the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. At least for our purposes today I am going to accept responsibility for being the problem. For so long I thought it was them, but maybe just maybe it really is me. I’m the person with the issues. The men are just fine. I am the one who is unreasonable, unrealistic, selfish, impatient, emotionally unavailable, shady, needy or anything else I have accused some man of being. Over the years, I have been told many things about myself and if it’s negative I generally just shrug it off and laugh. Those silly HATERS, lol. However, there are some comments I have heard consistently about my behavior, and maybe all these guys know each other or I might be what they say I am.  


I’ve been seeing a guy for the past couple of weeks that I previously knew. I like him, I like him a lot. I have gotten a lot of feedback over the years some solicited some of it unsolicited and in an effort to be better since I know better, I have started to make some modifications in how I act and speak to him. I want to be more accommodating less it’s my way or the highway. I want to be more understanding and less n@gro please. I want to be more warm bosom to rest his weary head on and less you better man up. I have even apologized for telling him that I would call him on my way home one evening and failing to do so. I do not say I am sorry. Things happen it is what it is, but my silly affections got in the way of my better judgment and I apologized. I want him to like me, so I try.


So on Friday we discussed getting together on Saturday, maybe having brunch or dinner. We didn’t make specific plans, but we agreed to see each other. Well when I woke up on Saturday my mother called to tell me that my cousin was having her fourth birthday party over my aunts. I also had to help a friend get her mother settled into her new living space. So needless to say I had some unexpected things to do, and my day quickly got away from me. We agreed to get together, but we never said “Hey we are going to do “fill in the blank” at “any time”. When I contacted him I was all breezy and light.

Me: Hello : )

Dude: Hi I thought I would have heard from you earlier

Me: Just getting back to the city…(I told him about my day and then followed with)…but I want to see you.

Dude: I’ve been wanting to 2cu2 but unfortunately that never materialized

Me: Why didn’t you call me?

Dude: U said you were going to call me. I like you but I won’t chase you.


I just got a text full of attitude. It’s not that serious to be me, but now everything is immediately escalated in my mind. I was completely caught off guard. I didn’t know the appropriate let’s be kind and understanding response.  I am like what does chasing me have to do with anything. When did vague plans that don’t materialize, followed by someone requesting an audience and asking why the person just didn’t call, turn into chasing. Did I miss something? When is a phone call the equivalent of chasing? You don’t hear from me so call me. Anything could have happened to me, I could have been stranded somewhere, what if my phone died, or I could have had a death in the family? I viewed his response as purposefully not reaching out because I said I would call. This is so ridiculously childish. I don’t believe his response or actions are those of an individual who is interested, those are the actions of an individual who is so caught up in being right that now we are both unhappy. And for what? So you can teach me a lesson since clearly you are irritated. I’m unhappy and he is trying to prove a point. Arghhh!


Just call. If I don’t answer leave a message.  Show some initiative, show that you can do more than just wait around obviously catching an attitude because someone didn’t call you. Why is it in my mind that if I don’t hear from someone I will call them. I  know texting, the devil, is the new way to communicate, but if it fails, cause sometimes oh so important text don’t get sent and wind up in the outbox, a plain old fashioned phone call may do the trick and get the desired results. However, this not calling business has been a sore spot with other people in the past. I know that I am notoriously bad for not returning phone calls, sometimes I just forget, sometimes I am doing something better or sometimes I just don’t feel like talking, but it is not nice to tell someone that you will call and then you don’t. If they are waiting around on my phone call I can see how they can start to feel sad inside and become a little grumpy with me.  


So I resisted the urge to send some kind of smart response and decided that a nice simple response would be best.


Me: You are right, I got caught up and completely lost track of time, but I still want to see you.

Dude: I want to see you too, what do you want to do


Ah, success.


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