I think he miss you…

Everyone wants to be missed. The knowledge that someone I loved, liked or maybe even disliked missing me makes me feel good. It’s probably something wrong with the affect the latter has on me, but for our purposes here today we aren’t analyzing why this might be a problem. I have been minding my own business recently. I’m not on the scene like last summer. I go to pre-determined, pre-scheduled and organized events. Not spur of the moment outings at the request of text messages and last minute phone calls to meet up for drinks or dinner. Plus this whole one man thing drives me nuts sometimes, but it does free up a lot of time. I have more time to think and review my past behavior before making decisions. And sometimes I think of individuals, individuals that sincerely piqued my interests.


I was instant messaging a coworker when the subject of an old admirer came up, well actually a sincere individual of interest. My coworker mentioned that he asked about me. Not wanting to seem too interested I played it cool. So I typed “oh really what did he say?” To which my coworker replied, “He asked if I see you around, mentioned that he tried to call, just wanted to check on you.” According to my coworker I come up in conversation frequently, generally whenever they talk.  At this point, I am thinking all of this is very intriguing, but simply respond “interesting.” My coworker then says  “I think he miss you…I told him you a keeper.” Now the key to this, or at least its significant to me, is that my coworker is a guy, not a girl. If it were a girl that said this it would be meaningless, but coming from a guy I thought that it might be true. He might actually miss me.


I would never admit this, ever. I do sometimes wonder what we could have been if maybe the timing was better and we were both a little more focused on each other. I am not one for regrets, but sometimes I do think of certain people that I have gone out with. I wonder if with a little more attention and a little less impatience if things could have blossomed into something sweet, promising and maybe even indulgent.


My thoughts didn’t wax tenderly during the instant messaging. I was short and said something to the jest of yeah yeah yeah and back to what I was saying before. I must admit that my first instinct was this is some slick game. Sure, have his friend drop the idea that he is wondering about me, so that either I call or the next time he calls I actually answer. I was so WHATEVER.  I just thought this is strategic and why waste perfectly good key strokes on ridiculousness. However, am I so jaded that I can’t appreciate someone sincerely missing me and take it just for what it is? He might miss me.


And I miss him.


I thought about contacting him all weekend. I thought why not call or better yet text. I went back and forth on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. However, I didn’t want to feel some type of way if he didn’t respond in a manner that I deemed appropriate or appreciated. Late Sunday night on my way to sleep I got the urge, started texting, but then mid sentence, I closed my phone. The knowledge that there was a small chance that he thought of me sometimes was good enough. The end.


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