Hello Lover Boy…

Approach a man. If you have never done so before you have to do it. Try it today! The excitement of it all does wonders for the complexion. Haha!

 

I am not sure what has come over me recently, but if I see something I really like then I want to approach it, not just smile and hope it comes over. I have noted that the frequency of this urge has increased, although I must admit I have not been acting on this urge. Today was no different. I felt the urge, but I just couldn’t or maybe just didn’t want to deny it.

 

I was at the mall when I saw a tall and handsome guy strolling through the store by his lonesome. I was with a girlfriend and her bff shopping for a gift for her father, but in the belt department (after seeing Sex in the City we are all trying to add belts to the wardrobe). I thought he was sexy and I felt obligated to say hello. As he walked through the area we were in, I kept turning around to look at him. Each time I turned around he was looking at me, but he didn’t come over. We were in the middle of selecting belts to purchase so I was slightly distracted and he got away. After we purchased the belts, I let them know I had to hunt him down.

 

We headed back to the men’s department to find him. Now when we first started out I just wanted to find him, I couldn’t tell you what I was going to say. See funny thing is I never know what I am going to say after the first hello, and part of the excitement is just trying to determine the approach. We didn’t find him on the first floor so I suggested we go to the second floor. Bingo! There he was. He was in the urban section, so I thought dang he might be really young (I have also noticed that I am starting to think younger guys are very cute, hence my new hobby of going to blockbuster once a week to flirt with the cashier). As we walked over to him, all of a sudden I was so very nervous. I looked at my friend wide eyed and crazed and blurted out “I can’t do this”. Then I proceeded to the polo department to look at men’s shirts. Since she was getting a kick out of this, she asked me if I wanted her to approach him. Although it seemed like a good idea, at 25+ I couldn’t let her go over and tell him that she had a friend who thought he was cute blah blah blah. It would have been embarrassing. Plus I can embarrass myself on my own which I proceeded to do. While perusing the men’s shirts, attempting to get the courage to go over, whining about how I didn’t know what to say, I looked up and he was looking me dead in the face. Not knowing what else I should do I literally jumped behind a pole so he couldn’t see me. Now after I did this, I thought why, why did I jump why couldn’t I have turned and walked? My friend starts laughing and is not behind the pole, so if he was still looking I know he was cracking up too.

Since he totally knew we were talking about him and to save face, I adjusted my big girl panties and proceeded to go talk to him.

When I reappeared from behind the pole, he was still in the same section. As I approached, my stomach started churning and I got an instant case of heart burn. I was overcome with fear, almost to paralysis, but right when I was about to freeze, then turn and run, he turned around. So I smiled and he smiled back.

“Hi!” I know I had to have been a very bright pink.

“Hey, how are you?” When he said this he exposed a beautiful set of teeth and a rhythmic southern drawl that had to make the ladies swoon.

“I’m good. What are you shopping for? Maybe I could help.” I just smiled with my head titled to side.

He grinned back at me and we proceeded to chit chat about nothing in particular.

 

After our conversation, with his number safely saved to my phone, I walked off wondering what took me so long to say hello. I just chuckled to myself. The thrill of the chase, the uncertainty of what to say, the approach itself it produces a euphoric high. Plus I tend to get all giggly. I am telling you, you have to try it. It might just change your life.

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You can marry well if you apply yourself…

Yesterday I caught the bouquet at a wedding. I don’t think I have ever been so motivated to catch a bouquet, or really anything for that matter. When I walked to the floor I thought participating in this wedding custom goes against every feminist bone in my body. Yet, I moved quickly to get a prime spot and I even stretched a bit. I am not competitive, but I went out there determined to catch the bouquet. I think I secretly believed that it might increase my chances of getting hitched. I have mixed views about marriage. I think marriage is great for men he gets a built in cook, maid, care-giver, cheerleader, event planner and baby-maker. I know it’s not that simple and all women don’t cater to their husbands, some even have sensitive husbands who are equally involved, but for the most part I feel women get the short end of the stick in marriage. Why was I so anxious to catch the bouquet?

 

Three things happened earlier in the week.

 

A friend, and I use that term very loosely because 99.9999% of the time he is unfriendly, mentioned that being unattached at 25 plus was an issue and wished me good luck in finding someone. I never thought that being single in my 20’s was a problem, maybe if I was 36 that statement might have been more appropriate and understandable. However, it stung and it made me anxious about my prospects.

 

I ran into a highschool acquaintance while grocery shopping. She was all beaming smiles and belly since she was pregnant with her second child. She asked if I was married and I replied that I was not. She looked at me very oddly, almost as if she wanted to say “poor girl”, but instead she said “Why not? What’s the problem? You are so pretty.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I asked her when she was due. She gave me the due date, then pulled out her wallet and gave me her card. She instructed me to call her because she had someone she wanted to introduce me to. As she waddled away, I thought does she feel sorry for me and think that I need her match making assistance because I don’t have a husband? Obviously.

 

I stopped by my aunt’s house to pick up a package. I was in the kitchen making myself a sandwich when my uncle walked into the kitchen. He picked up my left hand, peered at it and then shook his head. I was confused as to why he was shaking his head so I said “What?”

“Ursala, you know you could marry well if you applied yourself.” He said it so matter of factly as if it was something that I had been unaware of all my life and needed to be told. Almost as if this knowledge would save me from becoming an old-maid.

 

All these incidents got me to thinking about my prospects. I have never been focused on marriage. It’s never been at the top of my to do list. I just believe that when and if it is my time things will align themselves and it will happen. However, I couldn’t help thinking what if I missed out on something significant. What if I neglected to develop a relationship with my ideal mate? What if I summarily dismissed a suitor who would have been the perfect companion? What if I blew off some stranger who could have brought me sublime marital bliss? My general response has always been if I missed it then it wasn’t meant for me. Any other time that concept would have been acceptable, but some how it didn’t provide me any comfort. I almost felt like I had failed some adult test that proved I was responsible and able to commit. I have never felt insecure about the decisions I have made in my life, but suddenly I felt like maybe my priorities were all out of order.

 

When I caught the bouquet I felt relieved that maybe I had taken the first step. Since I took some initiative to catch that bouquet I hope that fate smiles on me and sends someone my way. I guess.

When a crush disappoints…

Okay this was a banner week for me as far as my crushes go. On June 10th, my BIGGEST crush stopped by my desk and I thought I was going to pass out. First, let it be known that I got out of my seat. Why I felt I needed to get up is beyond me, but I also bumped into my desk in my rush to greet him at my door. I was just so surprised and caught off guard, so my natural instinct was to get up and say hello. I think that urge comes from the estrogen overload in my life, especially at work. There are no men at my job. So when one comes around it causes a stir. However, my biggest crush far exceeded my expectations and I was smiling and blushing the whole time he was in my office. I’m sure he was like poor thing.

 

Crush encounter No. 2

 

Fast forward to yesterday. I went to whole foods to pick up a couple of items. I am trying to economize by eating less, that sounds much better than I want to lose five vanity pounds before I go to the beach later this month. I was comparing peaches when a guy I see regularly on the scene comes strolling into the produce section. We see each other so often we greet each other with a smile or head nod, but we had never spoken. I have a crush on him because he always looks terrific and seems like he is having a good time. When I saw him I ducked down behind the peaches and grabbed my purse. I wanted to check myself in my compact before he saw me. Once I made sure nothing was in my nose, teeth or the corners of my eyes I popped back up. To my delight his back was to me and he was on the other side of the produce stand. I stuffed some fruit into the bag and proceeded to intentionally bump into him.

 

He turned around while I was rounding the oranges and he looked up. I smiled. He smiled back. I couldn’t help it so I smiled again, this time a big kool-aid smile. I guess he realized that I wasn’t going to say anything until he spoke. So he said “Hello”.

“Hi!” I said with the enthusiasm of a kindergarten teacher on the first day of school. Whenever I want to seem un-pressed I always do the exact opposite.

“I’m B____, by the way. I’m not sure we’ve ever actually met, but I know I see you all the time.”

“Oh, uh uh no, no we have never met, I would remember, I know that for a fact, but I wanted to say hello before, I think the last time I saw you, but Hi!” As soon as all of that tumbled out I thought he must think I’m insane, you were supposed to tell him your name silly.

“So do you live in the neighborhood? I’ve never seen you in here before.”

“Yes, I do. I live right down the street. I don’t come here often, well maybe like once a month I think yeah. There is also a boutique in this shopping plaza that I like to go to. I also go to the spa across the street. So I’m over here often enough.” Now I was like who is talking, why are you saying all this random stuff?

He just smiled back at me and kind of shook his head. “I didn’t get your name, you are…” and he held out his hand.

“Oh, right, yes, I’m Ursala, Ursala Kennedy. That’s my name.”

“I don’t think I have ever met someone with that name, but I like it, it’s really pretty. Like you.” He smiled and winked his eye.

This time I beamed my 100 watt smile back at him. Was this flirty freshness? Well if it was it was cool because as of late I had started flirting with the 21 year old at blockbuster.

We walked around the store together and we chatted it up. He laughed at my love for cheese and I looked confused as he tried to explain the different types of coffee beans. I ended up with far more in my cart then the dates and walnuts I went in to get but it was cool. We walked outside and he asked if I needed help with my groceries. I only had two bags so I declined, but thanked him. We said goodbye and I walked away. I was in my car about to back up when I noticed a car behind mine. I honked my horn since I was blocked in. There was a tap on my window, so I turned to look and it was him. I was kind of confused, but I rolled my window down anyway.

“Hey I wanted to give you my card, do you have a card you could give me?”

“Oh I don’t carry cards around.”

“Well then can I get your number?”

“Uhm, well, you want my number?”

“Yeah I want to call you maybe we can plan to hang out instead of just bumping into each other.”

I need to provide some background here. He was a huge disappointment.

Now it is important to understand that I was confused and hesitant because I was not clear as to what type of hanging out he wanted to do. Yeah gas prices are high so maybe carpooling with someone who goes to the same places might not be a bad idea. However, my senses were telling me he was trying to pick me up. Okay this was a problem for two reasons. One because I got the distinct impression that he was kind of soft and sugary, not in the girlfriend two snaps in a circle, but not quite manly enough for my taste. And two because his grip when he shook my hand had no weight. I know men try to keep it gentle when they shake a woman’s hand, but I need a little force to let me know you are there. I thought if it wasn’t a big deal and he wanted to simply hang out he would have gotten my info inside the store or definitely right before we said our goodbyes. However, pulling your car behind mine to stop me from leaving is leaning towards I really want to “hang out”. I didn’t want to give him my number because he was just limp wristed, whispery raspy voiced, light footed, and …..Soft. There is no other way to put it, he needed a shot of testosterone maybe even an iv-drip for a day or two. 

Mount and Mate…

I am a late bloomer. All my life I have been behind the rest of the pack. I bloom, but just when I’m ready and not a moment before. I didn’t have a boyfriend in kindergarten, no Bud like Rudy Huxtable, and I didn’t have a boyfriend (if that’s what you want to call him) til eleventh grade. There were crushes, yes, unexplained heart palpitations, and occasional fumbled sentences in front of the opposite sex, but for the most part I was extremely unimpressed. Actually I’m still not impressed. So imagine my surprise when I experienced the overwhelming desire to meet a man.

 

I was at the airport on my way to D____ for the weekend. While waiting for the train to come, I decided to give my new Fit Flops a work out. I had to go to terminal D and according to the sign it was 4000 feet away, so I said, “let’s walk it.” When I got to terminal A, I saw a man or rather I saw the BACK of a man. His back was the sexiest back I have ever seen in person. Immediately I was attracted to his build or what I could see of it from where I stood. He was pretty far ahead of me, but I picked up my steps. I needed to get to him and I didn’t want him to get away before I caught up with him.

 

As I pursued, I started questioning my excitement over this man. Why was I so attracted to his BACK, why had I honed in on him, why was he making my pulse race, why I was so drawn to him? I mean he hadn’t flashed a smile, I couldn’t smell him and all I could see of him was his back. Ah his gorgeous back. I have only approached one guy in my life. It was a test of sorts. I just wanted to see if I could pick up a guy and get him to give me his number. When I’m not testing theories, I use the 5 second gaze, smile and look away approach. If that doesn’t get the desired reaction, he isn’t the one. I started to think of what I would say when I caught up with him. What do you say to some stranger in the airport at 5:35 in the morning? It didn’t matter. I was mostly fantasizing about what he would say back to whatever I came up with.

 

I was doing my best impression of an Olympic Speed Walker, I had narrowed his lead by the time we approached terminal C. He was quick and he was moving. My short little legs could only go so fast and I couldn’t exactly run in the stacked Fit Flops. As I got closer, everything about this man made me want to take hold of him and mount him. The back of this man was turning me on. He had on a pair of khaki shorts, a baseball cap, and a blue polo shirt. He looked to be about 6’4”. His back was just this muscular hunk of an expanse that beckoned from under his shirt. His calves belonged in a museum, they were perfectly shaped. He needed to be in an underwear ad PRONTO. This man was like a real live Spartan, straight out of the movie 300. All we needed to set the scene was to have him in a loin cloth, with shield in his hand, running in slow motion down the escalator. I was even impressed by the way he walked. It was some sort of rounded, circular gait. It seemed like he didn’t want to bend his knees or something. Whatever it was it was manly and it drove me to trip along at a much faster pace.

 

I closed in on him between terminal C and D. My hair was in a pony tail, but I violently yanked the clip holding it up. I don’t know why I took my hair down because it’s not like I hard a mirror to look in, but I DO know men like hair, and I planned to work mine. I still didn’t know what I was going to say and that made me nervous. I thought about asking for directions, but I was in an airport and there was signage with directions everywhere. I didn’t want to seem simple. I decided a great big smile and a good morning would be sufficient.

 

I was right behind him, but just as I was about to make my approach he turned around. I was startled, so I jumped back, but I am clumsy so I missed my footing and started falling backwards. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards him. He smiled and said, “Morning, I didn’t mean to scare you.” His face didn’t disappoint, he wasn’t handsome, but he had a gorgeous, shiny white smile. However, my face immediately wrinkled up and I must have had some kind of absurd look on my face because he said, “Are you okay Ma’am?” This time I snatched my arm away from him, gave him another wild look and then I ran away. Actually it was more like a quick shuffle.

 

Why didn’t I smile back and say hello? Why didn’t I try to pick up the beautiful body that I speed raced down four terminals for? Why did I run away? When he opened his mouth what escaped was the thickest, warblely southern drawl I have ever heard. His voice didn’t match all that body. Don’t get my wrong a drawl can be very sexy, but his speech offended my ears. His twang was just all wrong. If sirens lured men to their death with their beautiful voices, then he lured women with his beautiful body and slew them with his voice.