Violated…

Today I had an experience I will not soon forget. The level of trauma that I experienced was along lines I have never known before. I really don’t know if I will recover because I was severely disturbed by what occurred. I am not quite sure why this particular incident has managed to rock my core in the way that it has, but it has so bare with me.

 

What pray tell happened to me? Someone groped me in broad daylight in a parking lot.

 

I was minding my own business in my idyllic little neighborhood, which up until now was my own little Pleasantville, where everyone greets you with a smile and there is never a cloud in the sky, well at least up until today. I was leaving Smoothie King and walking to my car, when I sensed that someone was behind me. I turned to go down the aisle where my car was parked. I caught a glimpse out the corner of my eye of a ____ man following way to close behind me. I was startled so I jumped a bit. He obviously saw that I was nervous so he walked up, looked me dead in the eye, said “Excuse me Miss” and proceeded to brush his body up against mine while he grabbed my behind. I was totally caught off guard. Did he just grope me?!? All I could muster was a WTH! as he continued up the aisle made a right and then went to his car like nothing happened. I couldn’t believe this had happened in broad daylight in the middle of a parking lot. I was not a teenager in the library (scene of my first public groping), at a dimly lit club, or behaving in some type of provocative manner to elicit such behavior.  

 

What was even more puzzling was how I felt? This is not the first time I have been groped, nor will it probably be the last. I don’t like it, but it happens. However, in this particular instance I felt empty, defenseless, weak and very small. It was like I was striped naked standing in the parking lot trying desperately to cover my private parts. I could feel my face getting all hot and prickly which is generally what happens right before I break down into tears. As I fumbled for my keys so that I could get in my car I tried to pull myself together. I felt VIOLATED, but I didn’t know what to do. Do I scream? Do I call the police? What was I going to say to them? I just know I wanted this man locked up for feeling that he could touch me in such an inappropriate manner. A stranger.

 

I do not have a man, but I immediately called the closest thing to it. My Ace. The man no matter the hour, no matter the situation, no mater the cost has my back. After I relayed the story I realized that my rage didn’t derive from what had happened. Well it was maybe like 20% of the emotions that filled me, but 80% of it was due to the fact that this man was a different race. Why did the color of the individual make such a difference? Why did it impact the level of rage I had? I mean I have a decent little tush and it does receive attention, but generally from those who look like me. I don’t condone their behavior, it’s like a simple nuisance, like a fly that’s in the house that you shoo away. I am not going to lose sleep or call the police. This incident was different. It violated a much deeper place, I felt powerless, it made me feel more objectified and degraded than any video vixen in a rap video. That ____ man made me experience fear, intimidation, oppression and helplessness with one hand. I just don’t understand why?

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