July 9, 2009 at 5:40 pm (dating)
Tags: dating, National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo, Crossing the color line, Color, Race, Identity, Interracial Dating, Color Barrier, Dating outside your race, my kind, date outside your race
Part 2 of How Interesting…and the plot thickens
My mouth dropped open…and it stayed open for at least 5 seconds, an uncomfortable 5 seconds. Long enough for it to be noticeable, but not so long that anything could fly into my mouth. After about 4.5 seconds I realized my mouth was still open and I shut it immediately. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what the proper response should be. I looked down into my lap and repositioned my napkin. More so to give myself a few moments to determine what I was going to say next. Should I play off my surprised mouth drop, lie and say I knew, or completely change the subject? I was embarrassed over my open mouth and I am sure I was turning pink. It wasn’t that he was Philippino, it was that I had no idea, and I had to go and act all surprised. I didn’t know if my look was oh wow or oh no. It was definitely oh wow, but sometimes my facial expressions don’t cooperate with my emotions. I would have never guessed it. He doesn’t look it. His eyes aren’t really hooded (of course on second inspection I notice that yeah they could be considered hooded) and they aren’t slanted (well very slightly on second inspection). He has a creamy tan color, one that looks like he lives in the south like every other southerner. His head is bald, but he does have a very short mustache, but the hair didn’t give any hints either. I’m just thinking wow this is crazy. I had not a clue. Nothing in his conversation alerted me either.
“You didn’t know. Did you?”
I look up from my lap. Now I’m inspecting the features of his face looking for the dead give-aways.
“[He] didn’t tell you did he?”
“Nope.” There is a pleasant smile on my face as I shake my head no.
“Is it a big deal?” Now I’m thinking omg my face probably looked hectic if he asked this question, and now I have to assure him that it was more that I had not a clue.
“No, not at all. It’s not even an issue. I just.” I let out one of those flustered crazy sounds when you blow air through your lips while they are still together and shake my head. “It’s just I couldn’t even tell. I would have never suspected anything unless you said something.”
“I always bring it up, people aren’t always cool about it. I feel it’s important that I share it with women I chose to date.”
“Well I appreciate your honesty, but it’s not an issue. I’m actually very intrigued.”
I kind of giggle thinking in my head that fate decided to send me out on an interracial date without my knowledge and despite my hesitations. This alleviates the pressure to make a decision, the decision has been made for me. We were technically on our second date And it wasn’t the least bit complicated, confusing, or even different. It was like any other date I’ve been on, only difference I was really interested. I guess it’s true you will attract what you think about or maybe life has just given me a little push to be open.
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July 8, 2009 at 10:59 pm (dating)
Tags: Color, Color Barrier, Crossing the color line, date outside your race, dating, Dating outside your race, Identity, Interracial Dating, my kind, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, Race, the ideal man
The other day I posted that I was ruminating over the idea of going out with someone of a different racial background or trying Something New. The idea is in heavy rotation in my mind. Thinking and pondering is what I do when I’m considering making a change with anything. Sometimes it takes me months, even years to decide. I’m notoriously indecisive, but I’m actively working to change that. Mostly because if you think about something to long your reasoning becomes circular and you come to the same conclusion even if you think you analyzed it differently. In some ways I am strangely fascinated with the idea of it, but on the flip side I’m very nervous. It’s like I’m anxious to find out what will happen because I think it will be different. Why I think it will be so different? I do not know.
So while my decision to date outside “my kind” is simmering on the burner, a friend of a friend offered to introduce me to someone. I think this is an excellent way to meet people so I agreed to the introduction. The introduction turned into “Hey, we are going to go hang out meet us downtown for drinks.” This was perfect because there’s no real pressure and we can both decide if we want to pursue this. I arrived late, but it gave me an opportunity to check him out before I approached the group and I liked what I saw. After sitting down, the group dispersed and it was so high-school everyone shot me side winks and thumbs up as they left. He was great, a professional, cute, no kids, never been married, in my 35-45 target age bracket and funny. I was thinking wow when I left and hoped that he felt the same way. We exchanged information and I wanted him to reach out sooner rather than later. I almost broke the cardinal rule of making the first call, but decided to hold myself “Whoa Kimosabe!” I was just going to call and tell him I really enjoyed meeting him, but I didn’t want to seem too eager.
To my delight he called the next day and asked me out on a real date. We decided to meet up after work for dinner. Our dinner conversation was of the second date variety, since we had pretty much asked all of the basic getting to know you questions when we met. However he decided to ask the question that I hate “So what are you looking for in a man?” This is the most generic question ever and I generally give back a very generic check list of ideal traits in a man. He laughed at my facetious responses which gained him an extra 25 cool points because he got my humor. Then he said,
“Okay enough with answering a question you obviously don’t want to answer. How do you feel about interracial dating?”
He instantly has my attention because Hello! this has been the topic of intense mental debate. So I respond, “I’m open to it.” And I responded like it’s the most natural and sensible thing to do.
“Have you ever dated someone?”
“In college, I went out on a few dates, but nothing serious.”
“But you’re open to it?
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I was so wrong for acting like it wasn’t an issue, but he didn’t need to know that.
“I’ve met a lot of people who are close minded about interracial dating. Before I invest myself in getting to know someone I like to make sure they are cool with it, so it won’t become a problem in the future.”
“Okay, I’m cool, but why does it matter? I mean I embrace diversity.” I’m trying to figure out the correlation in my mind with us and what this has to do with anything. Is he going to draw some type of conclusion about how I feel about say hunger from my response.
“You know I’m Philippino, right?”
My mouth dropped open…
Continued tomorrow
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July 7, 2009 at 5:54 pm (Food)
Tags: brunch, Restaurant Review, Crab Cakes, National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo, Breakfast, Lunch, Social House, Ok Cafe, Murphy's, South City Kitchen, Tasty Tuesday, Granny's Kitchen, Pancakes, Salmon Croquettes, Omelette, Highland Bakery, North Highland Bakery, Fried Green Tomatoes, Biscuits, Banana Pudding, Waffles, Blueberry Pancakes, Sweet Potato Pancakes, Coconut Cake, French Toast
For this edition of Tasty Tuesday I am not going to review a restaurant. Today I am going to share with you my favorite places to have Brunch. During the summer, more of my friends and associates want to meet up for breakfast/lunch instead of dinner. I don’t blame em’. I love breakfast and will eat it morning, noon or night so I never complain. However, once it’s decided we are going to meet for Brunch the next question is where should we go? This list is my solution to the breakfast/lunch conundrum.
1. South City Kitchen – This is my favorite Brunch Spot. I believe they have the BEST pancakes. They also have the BEST fried green tomatoes. I have both whenever I go. Plus they give you a big basket of biscuits and cornbread to munch on while you wait. Try the Maryland Style Crab Cakes they are excellent with the grits. Oh and it’s the only place I know where you can get banana pudding.
2. Social House – This place reminds me of my Granny’s house, except my Granny prefers to hang chandeliers instead of bicycles from the ceiling. SoHo has excellent pancakes, they make a mean salmon croquette (only place besides my Granny’s kitchen that I will eat them), but it’s the spinach bacon feta omelette that keeps me coming back.
3. Murphy’s - I go to Murphy’s for French toast and sometimes for the waffles. It’s a great brunch spot if you can stand the crowds, but people tend to linger at this spot. There’s something for everyone on the menu and they have baked goods you can snack on while you wait.
4. OK Café - This place is an old school diner and it’s very kitschy. They have a great big dollar tree, waitresses in crisp white uniforms and a confederate flag in the dining area. You should probably warn people about the flag before you decide to dine at OK. There’s always a wait at this place, but if it’s just two people you can generally sit at one of two bars. Let me warn you, if you sit at the bar in the money tree room you are going to want dessert. They guy behind this bar makes all the deserts and they have good deserts! My favorite is the Coconut Cake. I come here for blueberry pancakes (ask for your blueberries on the side), omelettes and lemonade (it rivals the lemonade at chick-fil-a).
5. Highland Bakery - I refer to it as the North Highland Bakery, but whatever you want to call it this is the best place to go if you just rolled out of bed, pulled on some flip-flops and barely wiped the sleep crumbs from your eyes. It’s very unpretentious. They have some interesting things on the menu, but my favorite hands down are the sweet potato pancakes. They should be called sinfully, delicious candy-cakes. They also have peanut butter French toast that is great and I don’t even like peanut butter. It’s a bakery so try some deserts or a cinnamon roll.
6. Thumbs Up – Last, but certainly not least is Thumbs up. I don’t frequent this place for two reasons they are cash only (I rarely carry cash and it’s against my religion to pay to retrieve my money at random atms) and the wait times can be ugly. I also prefer to go to the location in east point. When I do plan ahead and stop at my bank’s atm or meet up for brunch later in the afternoon this is the best place to go for fish n’ grits or chicken and waffles.
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July 6, 2009 at 10:43 pm (dating)
Tags: Color, Color Barrier, Crossing the color line, Identity, Identity Crisis, Interracial Dating, Love, NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month, Oxygen, Race, Something New
I know that love can come in all different shapes, sizes, sorts, but am I ready to cross the color line? This weekend I saw a movie called Something New on Oxygen that explored the topic of interracial dating. I know, I know it’s 2009, America is a melting pot, Obama is president and clearly race is becoming irrelevant, but I still see rainbow hues.
I’ve always thought that culture, environment and upbringing determined a person’s color identity. This is how I explain for example “White” Asians, “Black” Whites and “White” Blacks. Despite embracing diversity I have never seriously considered dating anyone outside of my race. In college, I did go out with a few guys (all blind dates), but I’ve never really took them or the date seriously. I never even went on a second date with any of them. I must admit that I have always assumed I would be with someone of the same race. Up until recently it was not even a possibility because I was never approached by men outside of my race. I’m not sure what has happened, undoubtedly something has shifted in the universe, or maybe it’s because I smile more, but it has been a rainbow coalition of men approaching me.
I have not really been sure how to handle it. I initially felt uncomfortable, that word may be too strong, I initially felt suspicious, like maybe I was on some hidden camera show. When I have been approached I’ve always turned to look behind me to see if I was indeed being spoken to. Even though the experiences seemed odd, but flattering, it has made me very aware of the interracial possibilities. What is crazier is that in the past two months no one of “my kind” has approached me, so if I want to date right now I’m going to have to entertain the idea of crossing the color line.
But I have my concerns…
I do believe there will be difficulties. I know that people who don’t share the same cultural backgrounds may have trouble finding common ground. I think that is what concerns me most. I also think there may be some barriers to understanding one another because we are from different backgrounds. I also wonder if the individual really finds me attractive. I don’t want to be exotic, I want to be what they truly desire no matter what the color. I also wonder if I will be self conscience of what I say. I am generally the least concerned with what people think of or assume about me. It’s my world and everyone else is just in it. However, when in like and in love, I know I would want to please and definitely not offend. I know I would have to watch my mouth. And if that’s the case, would I be able to truly be myself? I also worry about the identity of our children or should I say possible identity confusion. Although I’m sure well adjusted mixed race children do exist, as well as parents of mixed race children who do provide a culturally enriched childhood that draws on both backgrounds, but all the mixed race children I know have issues. Most of them identify with one side and it’s generally the one they look most like and aren’t some type of a cultural hybrid. They also tend to have identity crises that manifest themselves in college or during their early adult life, which causes them to shun the race they identified with before the crisis and cling to the one that has long been ignored. I know I shouldn’t be concerned about children when dating, but I am.
Despite my concerns I am really thinking about going on a test date. Plus I know being open minded will ultimately increase the number of suitable suitors, but am I really ready to try something new?
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July 5, 2009 at 9:38 pm (blogging)
Tags: fake, NaBloPoMo
I recognize this is a fake post. However a post is a post : ).
But I will make it up!
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July 4, 2009 at 8:45 pm (life)
Tags: 4th of July, Celebrate, NaBloPoMo
Have a fantastic 4th of July! Be safe, forget those diets and eat plenty of barbq, go see a movie and don’t speed or drink and drive (I saw 5 cops on my way to a barbq : x).
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July 3, 2009 at 9:57 pm (dating, old-maid)
Tags: 15 minutes, car, Deal Breaker, driving, Geographically Challenged, Geographically Undesirable, loneliness, long distance relationship, mileage, NaBloPoMo, NaBloPoMo09, perimeter, travel
It’s that time again to discuss unlikely deal breakers. I will admit that some of them are ridiculous, but it’s my life (and I’m getting older and set in my ways). Plus, I have had a rash of incidences that have made me focus and get serious about what I can and can not deal with.
Everyone knows that a man being geographically undesirable can be a deal breaker. One who is geographically undesireable generally leaves states away in a far off distant land. I myself have imposed this rule, which has impacted me deeply because some people I have been really fond of were ruled out because they lived outside the state. Some really heart my heart, but I would rather be alone than suffer the pangs of loneliness caused by someone not being around when I want them to be. I’ve been in long distance relationships, so I’ve dealt with that type of loneliness and it can get ugly.
However, today I have a new deal breaker that falls in the geography category. This one I will call Geographically Challenged. These are people who live a distance that is farther than you want to travel. To be honest I don’t want to travel more than 10 miles to go anywhere, is that 15 minutes? Whatever it is mileage wise I know that I don’t want to be in a car for more than 15 minutes traveling to see a beau. And it’s not the gas, it’s the distance.
Anyone who knows me knows I do not like to drive. It’s an evil part of adulthood that I unfortunately have to suffer through now. One day I will have a driver to take me everywhere I need to go. Until then I keep my driving to the minimum. All the essential trips that I have to take are no more than 15 minutes from my house, including my mother’s house.
So why does fate keep sending me people who leave FAR away from me? Crazy places that are outside of the perimeter and take a minimum of 30 minutes of travel time. I would love to find someone who lives in my neighborhood, but people are moving farther out to outlandish places that might as well be another state. I understand you can get more house for your money, but fiscal responsibility sometimes leads to ridiculous drive times.
What is crazy about this problem is that it’s not something that I immediately know, but will soon start asking. The drive time initially isn’t a problem because on the first few dates I always meet my date out. I generally don’t like for people to know where I live, so once I get comfortable I will generally venture out to the perspective beau’s house. This is when things get ugly, or at least recently. I had to tell one guy that he had to meet me somewhere in the middle. Another perspective I told flat out you live too far this is not going to work. I know that relationships are a two way street and if I am not willing to make the commute I can’t commit.
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July 2, 2009 at 6:23 pm (Just Wrong)
Tags: marriage, girl's next door, Reality TV, Michael Jackson, Death of the King, Kendra, Kendra Wilkinson, Chelsea Lately, Chelsea Handler, E! News, Playboy, Playboy Mansion, Nuptials, Holly, Viagra, Reality TV Stars, cohabitation experiment, sham of a show, Willing suspension of disbelief, soap-opera, National Blog Posting Month, NaBloPoMo09
National Blog Posting Month is here. I am going to participate and attempt to post every day for the month of July. What Fun. Ha! My random thoughts everyday for a month. This is going to get interesting. Well let’s get cracking and I mean literally because I am flexing my intertwined fingers out in front of me now. What will I talk about today?
Ah! I know…
I am so late on this, but I have to speak on it anyway. Plus, I am late for obvious reasons the death of the King has me unconcerned about reality tv stars. However, while watching Chelsea Lately and dozing off to sleep, I saw a commercial for E! News. The commercial promised pictures of Kendra’s wedding at the Playboy Mansion. WTH?!?!?
I woke up and pulled the spectacles from my bedside dressing table onto my nose. I was certain I had heard the wrong thing. Chelsea comes back on and I am hoping that she is about to shake hands with the audience so we can get to the news. This is the first time that I’ve ever wished I had internet access in my room. Why am I concerned about Kendra? Of all the causes to support, problems to resolve and subjects to research why would I pick one so shallow, misguided and without any redeeming value? Because I have a strange fascination with the Girls Next Door and their cohabitation experiment. It was the first reality show that I made sure I was home to watch. I was actually sad when it went off since all the ladies left the house to go explore the wider world. The story was as advertised, Kendra was indeed married at the playboy mansion and the proof was in the pictures. I know Kendra is all parties and booty shake, but even she had to know you don’t get married at your Ex’s house. I mean doesn’t she know this? Shame on Mama Kendra if she did not.
The pictures left me with two thoughts…
First Thought…
Is Kendra Crazy? What kind of woman gets married at her Ex’s house where God only knows what happened and they cohabitated? And what kind of man stands for it? Even if Kendra had a wonderful relationship with Hugh and the break up wasn’t bad it is still not appropriate to marry your NEW man at your OLD man’s house. I don’t care how much you care about him it’s disrespectful to your NEW man. There should be a clear divider between relationships and conducting your nuptials at your Ex’s place certainly blurs the lines. Closure is not saying I do on OLD man’s lawn. Hmmm….always thought Kendra’s airy-ness was merely exaggerated to portray her as a carefree, young spirit, but maybe she is a little off.
The second thought…
Wait! Ohhhh NoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOooo! It can’t be true, but it has to be? The Girl’s next door was a SHAM! Oh the tragedy of it. I put my hand to my forehead and fainted into my fluffy pillows. I was outraged! I was deceived, hood-winked, duped, 52 faked out, bamboozled and swindled out of my precious time. The playboy mansion was merely an apartment building for blondes. Holly claiming that Hugh didn’t need viagra cause she snuck up on him a few times just fabrications to prop up his swinger lifestyle. It was a marketing ploy to make Playboy relevant again and accessible to younger generations. A cheap, simple, savvy way to revitalize the brand. No wonder those ladies didn’t have any cat fights (I witnessed a few side glances), they were NOT sharing a man. They merely shared the same residence. I was convinced of this last night lying in my bed. I suspected it, but Kendra’s playboy mansion wedding pictures made it perfectly clear that their show was a fraud. I spent Sundays watching this scripted, fictitious, soap-opera farce passed off as a reality show. I will admit I was entertained, but reality tv does not require willing suspension of disbelief of it’s viewers because it’s supposed to be real. I mean I know there is “light” scripting and some editing, but the whole premise of the show was not real. The audacity of them all. I was merely a pawn in their ploy to gain tv ratings and publicity. Fooled me once, but it’s shame on you Hugh. What I was watching was a sham and you know it! I want an apology and some sort of consolation prize for playing along.
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July 1, 2009 at 7:26 pm (life, old-maid)
Tags: grandmother, Love, family, Mother, Keeping up with the Kardashians, Run’s House, extended family, genetic code, genetic material, DNA, count on hands and feet, in other words, John and Kate plus Eight, relationship building, The Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah, Steve Harvey, Smell like Vanilla, Vanilla Perfume, Cook, Fix yourself up, Smile, Don’t be available, Let him miss you, bucket list, kicked the bucket, How to get a Man, lipstick, How to get rid of a man, look decent
Recently I have been spending a lot of time with my extended family, it’s the family season. We’ve had birthday parties, meetings, graduations and holidays to celebrate. I’ve also been witness to blow-out, one rolled eye away from a smack-down at these said family fests. They have made me want to be apart of the Kardashian or Simmons’ households who neatly handle all their family quarrels in 30 minutes. Wouldn’t it be great if real life could play out like tv? That is not my reality. It’s amazing how my family members people will treat complete strangers with more respect than people we are told by our grandmothers and mothers to love. I am a very BIG believer that you pick your friends not your family, so I don’t feel beholden to any of them except for my mom and my grandparents because they had a hand in providing my genetic material. So when I called to tell my Mom that I wasn’t going to be able to make it out to the evening’s family celebration, and she offered to come pick me up, I knew I shouldn’t protest. I actually almost gasped when she offered. My mother does not come to my house. I have lived here for over five years and I can count on my hands and two toes the number of times she has visited. In other words she didn’t want to hear that I wasn’t coming and she wasn’t taking no for an answer.
On the way over I wondered how I had gotten caught up in this celebration. I had planned to stay home and watch John and Kate plus Eight, but I know there is no time like the present to build relationships and tv is forever. We generally never go to restaurants our parties our held in living rooms, basements, on patios and sometimes in rented space, so this was a treat that I wouldn’t have to help bring the dishes up and bust some suds.
As we waited for our meals to arrive, one of my cousins suggested we play table topics. The table topic was “What’s on your bucket list?”. Travel and marriage seemed to be on everybody’s list. Now there were 5 older women at the table with 8 marriages between them, but four of them wanted to be remarried before they kicked the bucket. This desire to remarry led to deeper discussion and provided material for the topic of today’s blog.
How to get a man?
Wear vanilla scents. Bathe in it, lather on the lotion, spritz or spray it on, but smell like vanilla. It’s the universally man approved scent. Apparently Oprah and Steve Harvey agreed on this on her show and my cousins swear by it.
Cook. It doesn’t matter if you can’t cook. He doesn’t care if you just poured it out of a sack into a skillet or bowl and added water. So fix a dish and invite him over.
Look decent, even dare I say fabulous all the time but most importantly while running mundane errands. Put some lipstick on (not to be confused with lip gloss), curl your hair and coordinate. I am soooooo guilty of running to the store looking Heck-Hell-Tick otherwise known as hectic.
Let him miss you. Don’t be available all the time even if your plan was just to pick lint out of your belly button on Friday night. Oh and don’t answer every phone call, text or email.
Smile. Show those pearly whites and look pleasant.
Just in case you need this once you get the man, but decide you don’t want him.
How to get rid of a man?
Chop the ego down. Tell him how you really feel about what he does in the bedroom or just make something up.
Talk about another man or ask him to give you the number of one his friends (preferably one that is cuter or one that makes more money than him).
Ask for money, and oh not a paltry sum at least $1k.
Let another man answer your phone when he calls.
Have another man pick you up from a date or his house. This may start a fight so do this at your own risk.
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