See, It’s complicated…

Today, I am in a place that I have not been in a very long time. Confused Confusion. Basically, confused beyond my regular normal level of confusion.

There are people that tell me I am a natural flirt. I believe I am friendly. It can be confused as interest, when I am merely being nice or cordial. Don’t get me wrong I do flirt, and most recently by text and email. I exchanged information last week with a guy that was so super tight he made me blush for our entire conversation. My cheeks were HOT to the touch when he walked away. We talk on the phone, but the flirting goes down over text and email every day. Today I dropped by the post office to mail off a package and ran into a childhood buddy while addressing the label. After the hellos and howdoyoudos, she introduced me to the woman with her. Her friend greeted me warmly. Then my friend turns to me, “I believe you met her husband at the event last Thursday.”

“Oh really,” and I turn to her friend, “what’s his name?”

“John*, John Williams*.” Oh. I thought to myself that’s a distinct name and the one and only John Williams that I met at the event last Thursday.

“Ah, yes. I did indeed meet your husband.” I smiled, but I was thinking John Williams* is this woman’s husband? I have been flirting with and talking to this woman’s husband? I stood there while the two previous sentences processed in my head. Not once with all our communication did he mention her. I am certain he told me was not married. I am supposed to have dinner with her husband this evening. Hmmm.

I am adding facebook to it’s the devil status. Although today I should view facebook as a saint. I learned a guy I have gone out with on four separate occasions is in a relationship. At least that is what it indicates on his facebook page. So I chose to confront him with the information.

“Your facebook page says you are in a relationship with [Insert Girl Name].“

Silence.

“Huh?”

“The relationship status on your facebook page says you have a girlfriend.”

Silence

“But I didn’t friend you?!?”

“Irrelevant Detail. I am looking at your page right now.”

“What??? Are you stalking me now?”

I cover my hand with my mouth to hold back an astonished gasp. “Your dream would be for me to stalk you. Good Bye.”

My cell immediately rings and guess who it is? Him. I reject his call. He calls again. This time I just let it ring. He leaves a voicemail. Then I get a text message from guess who? Him. Asking me to call him. Then he calls me again. Is there anything more to say after you have accused someone of stalking? I don’t think so. You wouldn’t want to give the stalker any ammunition to continue the stalking, right?

I received a call from an old acquaintance in town on business that wants to get together. I know that I should have told him I was busy and just caught up with him over the phone, but I enjoy his company. I also no longer have dinner plans. I agree to meet him for drinks and dinner. We are enjoying ourselves when a young woman walks over to our table. “Hi Dixon*, funny running into you like this. [Insert Girl Name], remember her, your girlfriend, she wants to talk to you.” And she holds her cell out in front of him. Now, I am sitting on his lap. He gives her a look that says “Really? You are doing this, why?” I understand girl. She is protecting her friend and feels the need to let him know that she KNOWS and she SEES him looking very suspect when he is supposed to be her girl’s man. Oh and not only does she know and see him, but she has passed the information on to her girl. Who is now waiting on the other end of her cell. I do believe she should have handled it differently. I have no problem with her telling her friend or making her presence known by coming over to the table so that he knows he needs to tell his girl he was out with another girl before she does. However, rolling over to the table and basically demanding that he talk to his girlfriend is a bit much. We are not in highschool. I remind myself that I am sitting on his lap and that probably sent her over the edge. Then she eyes me like I knew he was taken and I am doing something wrong. I want to say something, but I decide to remain silent especially since I am sitting on his lap and anything I say will be sent over the waves and heard by the girlfriend waiting at the other end of the line. I want to spare her further embarrassment. No woman wants to get a call from her friend that goes along the lines of “Gurl you will never believe who I see all boo’ed up with some gurl that ain’t you.” Although there is nothing going on between us and we are merely old acquaintance, if he has a girl our meeting IS inappropriate. He takes the cell, “Hello [Insert Girl Name], I will call you later.” Click. He hands the cell back to girl who looks astonished that he has the audacity not to explain himself to her and his girlfriend. He reaches into his pocket and drops bills on the table, stands up and places me on the ground next to him, then tells me we need to go and grabs my hand. I look back, girl’s mouth is a big O. I feel his hand pulling me and guiding me out of the restaurant. I leave the place like I am on the back of a pick-up truck, going forward backwards.

All three events happened today. What’s up universe?

John Williams* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

Dixon* is a fictitious name made up to protect the innocent.

One picture…

Have you seen the Annie Leibovitz photo of the First Family in the Green Room? It’s being called the first official White House Family Portrait.

This picture makes me want to get married, procreate and have a career. I have always wanted to be somebody, but now I am getting way more specific. This is a breakthrough for me. TRUST ME! The Obamas are influencing me in ways I would have never imagined.

After watching one of President Obama’s speeches I had an AHA! moment that helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I most definitely have real direction now. Barack you really Rock for that! I have also decided that my job or career doesn’t have to define me. For a very long time I felt that meaning, purpose and identity would be found in my career pursuits, but now I look to work simply as a means to an end. To travel, eat out and buy new mascara. Although that may seem trivial to some, for me it has given me peace of mind and joy that I had not experienced until that moment when it dawned on me that I am so much more than my job. However, his speech caused me to return to my thoughts when I was in elementary school and highschool and college and remember what I enjoyed. So hats off to Barack for cracking the code to what I want to be when I grow up.

I think I want a husband. That being said I don’t think my mom should fish out that guest list she made the last time I was engaged. However, those Obama’s have me thinking that a spousal unit might not be so bad. Anyone who knows me knows I have never fantasized about marriage or being married. Ok, I have gotten caught up in what I believe is the natural progression of a relationship, but I never made it a goal to be married. I have always said I want companionship, but it didn’t necessarily have to be in the form of a husband. I understand that you can’t look at someone else’s situation and draw conclusions on how your situation would work out but Barack and Michelle make marriage look agreeable. Thanks for being role models.

There are children that pull on my womb and make me quickly, and very briefly think of children. However, when I saw the Obama family photo I couldn’t help myself. Sasha’s beaming little smile made me think “Hmmmm what if I had a child, that would be so sweet, a little me.” Then I thought abut the logistics of having a baby. If I had a child I would really want them to collect my eggs, get my man’s sperm and place it in a surrogate. I wonder how much that would cost? However, for a fleeting moment I pictured my little family. It brought a smile to my face. I want to pursue the American Dream or at least my edited version. Thank you Obama Family.

Taylor Swift v. Kanye West or Open letter to Kanye West

WTH Kanye! What were you thinking or NOT thinking last night? Kanye I’m going to need you to get a grip and be the mature, level-headed and gracious gentleman I know your mother raised you to be. You do not always have to share your opinion and be on the PR campaign to get your name in the press. Kanye sometimes bad press IS bad press.

I feel sorry for Taylor Swift. It was HER moment. It was not Beyonce’s, not yours, it was Taylor’s moment. Kanye she looked so pretty and beautiful in her gown ready to accept her award for Best Female Video. She always looks polished and classy, yet fashionable (a skill some grown women in your industry can’t achieve). It was very clear in the stunned expression on her face when they called her name that she didn’t think she was going to win. I mean we both know she sings country music and MTV likes rap, hip-hop and a lil’ pop. I know you heard her Kanye. She was all “OMG I sing country music, but you still picked me you’re the BEST mtv” when you, Kanye “Bush don’t like Black people” West, had to jump your outburst prone self on stage and show your behind. While sometimes your un-thought out diatribes are funny yesterday they were reckless and mean and targeted at someone who didn’t deserve such an ugly smack in the face. Did you look at her face when you handed the mike back to her? After you told her she didn’t deserve to win did you notice the shocked and disturbed look on her face? You might not have thought it through, you might have done it to be funny, but it was cruel and you crushed her moment.

Kanye DO NOT take someone’s moment no matter how badly you believe you should. My bishop says you will ruin your life if you can’t hold your tongue* or keep yourself in your seat. I too believe the world is entitled to my opinion, but sometimes you must be mature and keep it to yourself, or at least confine it to your blog or twitter it to your followers. This time your rant was extremely rude and a sign of poor sportsmanship. So you are on team Beyonce, but someone from another team wins. It’s ok Kanye. Plus unless she’s performing Beyonce’s awkward, boring and oh my that flat voice, good thing she is pretty. No one will ever question Beyonce’s supreme divaness, but Kanye she can’t win everything because that would make for a boring awards show. However, it is possible that some other people thought Taylor’s video was even better than Beyonce’s. Oh my the tragedy, but Kanye if you had just been patient Beyonce won the most important award of the night so was it even necessary for you to jump on stage?

I have decided that I can no longer just stand by and turn a blind eye to your repeated attention grabbing antics. What’s wild is that you are cool, or should I say a refreshingly different edition to the hip-hop world, just like Taylor swift was to the vma awards, but you reduce your coolness quotient with each outburst.  Oh and Kanye’s good friends, I need you all to pool your resources to get him a collar, that comes equipped with a clicker that his body guard can push anytime he gets that twitch in his eye before he’s about to say or do something unnecessary. Kanye sometimes you have to turn yourself over to others who have your best interest in mind when you can no longer make wise choices for yourself. Kanye you need to be collared and gagged by your friends. I know this seems harsh, but it’s for the best. I mean really Kanye if you are going to interrupt anyone say something profound and meaningful. Throughout history we have needed people to voice controversial opinions to right wrongs and end oppression, but Kanye your rants aren’t ending world hunger, bringing peace in the middle east or ending jim crow laws. Your rants are artistic opinions for which the beauty is truly in the eye and ear of the beholder. Although some may like to see Beyonce gyrate and skip around in a leotard, maybe more people enjoyed Taylor’s cute little video about teenage unrequited love. Kanye that is okay, have some respect for your fellow artist’s artistic expressions. Cause please understand everybody doesn’t like your music or videos and certainly aren’t pleased that you have won awards for it, but people aren’t jumping on the stage when you win because they respect your artistic expression. They also understand that as adults there are decency rules of engagement that govern how grown ladies and gentlemen interact. It might be different if you said clever, original, profound statements that helped improve our world, but you don’t so keep your mouth shut and count your teeth Kanye.

Signed,

Ursala

P.S. I am praying for you.

*Proverbs 13:3 NIV version: He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

R.I.P. Aaliyah…

I turned on the tv this morning and was reminded that Aaliyah died today eight years ago. She was the first person I truly didn’t know whose death made me cry like she was a family member. She was simply a celebrity I liked, but when she died it felt like I had lost a friend. It’s funny how these days I feel like I know celebrities because of shows and blogs, but I don’t they are strangers. For example, I saw Suchita Vadlamani and I kept thinking this woman looks familiar I know I know her from somewhere. So I said “Hello, how are you? ” Thinking since I know I know this woman she will recognize me and remind me of how we know each other. She was very gracious and said hello very pleasantly, but the look in her eye was not one of recognition. Then I realized omg I don’t KNOW this woman I’ve only seen her on tv.

But back to Aaliyah, I remember playing At your Best you are Love over and over…which is still one of my favorite songs of all time. One of my childhood friends was at my house and she kept trying to put in Aaliyah’s second cd, but I was adamant that we listen to that one song. I even told her if she wanted to listen to something else she needed to go back to her house. She backed off. After that we both sat on the floor listening to that song on repeat. Her voice in that song was just so soothing to me after hearing that she had passed. She was someone I wanted to meet. I even thought we would be friends. She seemed cool, sweet and a fun to be around. It hurt my heart that she was gone.

I believe it’s always harder to deal with the death of someone young, as opposed to older people who have had an opportunity to lead a full life. When people die unexpectedly and in her case tragically in a plane crash, it’s crushing. At least when someone is sick you deal with the possibility of death and it gives you an opportunity to prepare yourself for what may be the inevitable. 

I think the lesson for me today is that you never know when it’s your time to go. So whatever it is that I want to do or want to get I need to go get it period. I’m constantly having conversations with people about their lives and what they can do to improve, but what am I doing to improve myself? I need to stay in my lane, focus on my goals and be the best me I can possibly be because even if I don’t die tomorrow a lifetime goes by in a flash. My current situation has certainly taught me how to deal with stress on a whole different level. I don’t worry about things the way I did in the past, but maybe I need to bring back the sense of urgency that worry does produce. Today I realized I have nothing to show for the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years I’ve been here. I need to get busy, urgently. I’m also always reminding friends that time is valuable. Moments are precious. Turn off the tv, put down the cell, edit the email later and enjoy life right here and right now. I say this, but I don’t heed it. Today I will take my own advice because life certainly isn’t permanent.

Product Review – Fit Flops

I think information (or knowledge) is power. I also think that it is important to share your triumphs and trails with products. There are SOOOO many products on the market, and during recessionary times you need to be certain, now more than ever, that you are purchasing a quality product. Why waste three easy payments of $19.99 on something that doesn’t work? So I am doing my part to help consumers by sharing…

Flip Flops have taken over as the go to shoe for many women in the spring and summer months (and I’ve seen some bold souls venture out with them in the winter). Long gone are the days when flip flops were only worn leaving the nail salon or after a work out. Today, every woman I know owns a pair of flip flops that I have seen on their feet.

I personally don’t do well with flip flops I can’t walk around in them for long periods of time without feeling pain in  my arches, between my toes and my hip. I do better in heels, but some occassions call for a more casual shoe sandal. I was initially attracted to fit flops after looking into buying the MBT trainers (Masai Barefoot Technology), but the price of the mbt’s was a little steep for something I knew I wouldn’t wear often. The fit flops are about $40. According to the website, the Fit Flops are biomechanically engineered to help tone and tighten your leg muscles while you walk in them. I don’t work out so anything that helps in my struggle to become healthy without going out of my way I will try (within reason).

I purchased the Fit Flop Walkstar I’s in white and silver. I decided to break them in at a park festival. I knew I would be on my feet walking ALL day so what better place to check them out. When I first put them on I was not impressed. These are NOT cute shoes. They are bulky and the soles are very thick, I internally kicked myself for buying them in white. Initially I was aware of their massive size and I as flip flopped out of the door I thought it’s going to be a long day. I walked around for about 7 hours and I was on my feet the whole time. I actually forgot I had the fit flops on. I know that sounds extreme, but they just seem to blend in and mold to your feet. After walking all day I had NO blisters in between my toes, my hip was fine, my arches were pain free and honestly I felt like I could continue walking another3 hours. I didn’t experience the normal foot fatigue I get after walking for hours.

They aren’t the prettiest sandals, but function trumps beauty in this battle. They are perect for mall shopping and any outtings where you will be on your feet for long periods of time. I wouldn’t recommend them for hiking or running, maybe a light jog. For those who traditionally have issues with flip flops and thong sandals affecting their arches, the tops of the feet (where the straps cross over) and blisters between toes this is an excellent shoe to try. If they actually help tone your legs and get rid of cellulite that’s a plus too. These are my favorite sandals hands down because they  provide cushiony comfort when walking for hours on end or to the mailbox. Go Get a Pair.

Can I get a teachable moment…

at the white house?

Words to ponder…

You can tell when you’re on the right road because it’s generally all up hill.

Green pastures…

It’s interesting when you meet someone that you consider to be at the top of their game and they seem to think you have it made and make your life out to be way cooler than you ever thought it was…more to come

I don’t need a helping hand…

Do you often say no when someone asks if you need a hand?

All my single ladies put your hands up…

I love to see happy, well functioning couples that love each other. I’m not one of those sappy love the idea of being in love ladies, but I’m all for people finding a companion. I have reached the coupling-age and an increasing number of my friends are making co-habitation plans or getting hitched. This leads me to today’s post. And it is possible that I have written about this before, but to engaged and married women please don’t forget the single lady struggle. I’m not saying dwell on it everyday, but don’t mistreat your single girlfriends now that you are all married, fianced and boo’ed up. I’m going to give you examples of some actions you may want to avoid so you don’t piss off your single girlfriends. 

Don’t try to tell me….
This is by far the most annoying thing that ladies who are married or almost married love to do, tell you what you are doing wrong in your relationship or search for a man. I do seek and heed advice. I try to avoid unnecessary chaos and grief in my life if I can help it. If listening to your cautionary tale or advice can help me avoid misery I will take it. However, that should not be confused with being given unsolicited advice on why I don’t have a man or a ring. Especially if that advice is given while you appear to be looking down your nose at me, and I remember last week before you had that engagement rock, you were asking if I could come with you to ride by his house or help you come up with names of super heroes cause you were trying to figure out the pass code for his gmail account. You have been successful in finding a mate and you get a gold star, but that doesn’t make you an expert on finding a man. You simply found the right one for you.

Don’t deny me my plus one…

I understand that weddings are expensive. Most of the expense is the dress and providing food and beverages at the reception. If you have invited me to your wedding and you allowed me a plus one on the invitation, you can’t take it back because your budget and guest list keeps growing. Contrary to popular belief there is a shortage of single eligible bachelors at weddings. Generally all the bachelors are either ring bearers (they may be adorbale and cuddly but they are under-age) or old uncles that recently had hip replacement surgery or fall asleep as soon as they sit down. I want a date at a wedding if I can help it. You also can’t deny me my plus one because you have never met the guy and don’t consider him to be someone of importance worthy enough to attend your wedding. It doesn’t matter if I have only known him for 24 hours prior to your wedding. If he has made me happy in those 24 hours you should be happy for me. You got a man so stop hating.

Don’t go all bridezilla on me…

I’m sure everyone has seen the show bridezilla or you may have your very own bridezilla story of how your sweet, soon to be married girlfriend flipped out on you, hit you, cursed you, screamed on you, demanded unreasonableness out of you, caught some unnecessary attitude with you and expected you to just take it like a man (completely forgetting you are a woman and have feelings). I don’t think any more explanation or details are necessary for this example. Just remember your wedding day is only about 6 maybe 8 hours long and the ugliness you dish out may not be forgotten in that amount of time.

Don’t have me looking suspect…

I think brides-to-be really need to think through and analyze the sizes, shapes and shades of their wedding party before picking wedding colors and dresses. I know it’s your day and you want to be the belle of the ball, but I don’t have to look ridiculous so you can shine. Ugly dresses used to fold nicely and neatly into closets and pictures used to sit in boxes, photo albums or in cameras, but now there’s this evil thing called facebook. That means that ugly orange dress you said was coral, that gave me birthing baby hips, will be viewed by people who weren’t even at the wedding. You can stop that from happening by being a good friend and picking a universally flattering dress shape, in a flattering color.   

I think the above tips should keep the love flowing between the have man and the have man nots and save friendships.

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